The Complaining Heart: 3 Ways to Change Your Focus

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I sit at my favorite coffee shop and i listen  to the “Old Men’s Club” as they term themselves, as they talk of the ways of the world but, in reality, they sit and complain. They complain about the weather, the government, their ailments and everything in between.

It is amazing how they talk themselves into sickness, into getting riled up and into complaining in general. Why is it that we find the necessity to complain about things? What is it within that desires to be that person that complains about everything?

Do you like that person within?

The ego sets itself up as the complainer-of-merit as the one who desires to maintain a sense of importance in the world when it seeks, with a vengeance, to maintain its superiority by complaining about everything and seemingly has the answers to go along with it.

We have all been there. We complain about something and then offer up not only the solution, but our frustration that it it hasn’t been done as to our specifications. Why of the world would run as we say, then wouldn’t everything be just dandy?

Would it?

Here are some pretty great quotes on the nature of complaining.

Man spends his life in reasoning on the past, in complaining of the present, in fearing future.
Antoine Rivarol

The tendency to whining and complaining may be taken as the surest sign symptom of little souls and inferior intellects.
Lord Jeffrey

Do not listen to those who weep and complain, for their disease is contagious.  
Og Mandino

and one of my favorites…

Instead of complaining that the rosebush is full of thorns, be happy that the thorn bush has roses.  

~ Proverb

You see, essentially, it is about a change of focus. You have to look at the world in a different light instead of seeing it for what it is not.

3 Ways to See the World With More Beauty

I equate complaining with gossiping because the two go hand-in-hand. More often than not, complaining is very personal in nature and it is nothing more than the ego asserting itself as greater than the one who is the object of complaining.

Way 1: Understand that Life is What You Make of It

By complaining about anything; sickness, others conduct, basic dissatisfaction of the world, you bring more of that into your environment. I most recently saw it in the very essence of the Old Men’s Club when one got sick, they all complained about it, and then most of the others aligned the sickness within them as well.

They invited the sickness in as i am one who believe that we do indeed do so. Sickness is an abnormal state and if you really notice, complainers get sick more readily than people who are not prone to be as such.

Just an observation.

Way 2: Understand That All Are On Their Own Journey

It is not that we are not to try to right the world as we know we can, but as the old expression goes, “charity begins at home”. We must understand that we are on our own journey and others are as well. When you complain about others, gossip in a sense, you are just taking time away from the aspects of your journey that need attention.

Let others alone and allow them to take their own journey and, if need be, be a light in the dark for them.

Way 3: See the World From a Different Perspective

Turn off the news. Shut out the noise. Become the you that becomes a better citizen of the world. See the greatness in the possibilities of living at a higher level of consciousness. When others see the bad of situations and others in a negative light, become the one who sees the better nature of the world-at-large.

It is a decision and one that the ego will fight you on but the more you become a better Universal Citizen, the focus of the world will change for you.

It is all about the journey within that stops complaining in its tracks. Become conscious on a higher level and begin here to become a better soul. We can’t change the world unless we first look within.

Be a Person of Quality. Direct Your Power.

Until then…

Be Excellent, Expect the Best!

Let me Know your Thoughts Below, Follow this Blog, and be Social with this Post, for the more people we have living successfully in this Now Moment and discussing the value of doing so, the higher we lift all others around us.

*******

dasouthern@directyourpower.comDA Southern is an Author, Speaker, Blogger and a Personal Development Life Coach, teaching the spirit of living in Now Moments with the principles he experienced during over 35 years as an actor and director in live theatre. DA coaches his clients to rid life of limiting beliefs that have kept them from achieving miracles in all areas of their life by embracing Mindfulness of the Present Moment with a renewed Vision for life. Contact DA Southern for Coaching or Speaking @ dasouthern@directyourpower.com

3 Ways to Stop Being Affected by Other’s Words of Worry Towards You

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Worry kills the spirit of the one it inhabits and infects those around them at the same time.

Why does this happen that a soul on a beautiful journey of love allows such an egoic, unhealthy and, very often, irrational look a future that does not yet exist into their very existence. Why has worry been given such a place of respect in our world. Worry is even joked about as a redeeming trait in many movies.

But there is the insidiousness of it, is it not? The idea that it is indeed fodder for ridicule and yet we allow it to still infect our lives baffles me. It as if we are saying it is not so good for someone else to worry, but, its OK for me because somehow, i have in under control.

But with this worry-bound life comes the eradication of Now Moments. Of course, that is the point of worry. In the wake of worry there are no Now Moments, only moments that are somehow out there that must be going to happen in some way and somehow the worry will make those future Now Moments easier to live.

Pretty bizarre thinking when you really analyze it.

The Worry of Others Infects Your Journey

I could go on for days here and have written posts about it before, but the most troubling aspect of worry is the way we allow others to impact our journey with their worrisome attitude. Really, when someone else worries about you in some situation and projects that worry on you, it is nothing but their ego rising to control you.

Let me give you an example of a client who recently took a tumble off of a ladder and broke his back. Now this man has an excellent attitude and takes a very youthful approach to age in general. Well, after he recuperated, he came and saw me and was having some issues with the thoughts of others that he was allowing to impact him.

Essentially, others were telling him that he should not go up on the ladder again. I asked him if he desired to, if he enjoyed getting up on the ladder doing things. He said that he did, that it was not a chore. So we established that it was not something he dreaded but that he felt able and loved being active.

I then asked if others were responsible for his happiness; could they determine the course of his life journey with their worry now moments any way.

He again said no.

I then told him that others were projecting their fear on to him because, more than likely, that is how they would have handled their fear. I even spoke to their wanting to control him by telling him that he was not able to overcome an accident that would more than likely never happen again..

After we finished, he looked back at me as he left and said, “Thank you. I am so tired of others deciding for me my joy in any moment.” I told him that it was none of his business what others thought of his actions and, quite frankly, if he wanted to skydive, it was his business.

3 Ways to Stop Being Affected by Others Words

You see, we have a way of inserting ourselves into the lives of others, often time in the very name of love as “concern” (worry) for them. But really what is going on, is our ego is impacted by them and we are always, if ego-driven, looking to protect ourselves by maintaining that relationship.

Way 1: Always Look at the Concern of Others in its True Nature

I am not asking you to be cold hearted here, but you must begin the journey of living for yourself.

If you are constantly allowing the words and concerns wrapped in worry from others to affect you, can you ever have a truthful journey on your own?

In a way, it is like when we lose a loved one. We mourn, but it is always about the way we are affected. If it is someone very close, we are affected as to the time that we no longer will spend with that person in our lives. Not that it is good or bad, it just it is what it is.

But if we grieve past the normal stages of grief that have been studied from author, Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, when she discusses the Five Stages of Grief, then we must look at the hold the ego has on the very act of living.

Way 2: Don’t Allow Others Words of Worry to Become Your Existence

If you base your life on what others think of your actions and allow their words and even the very looks they give you to be an indicator of a course of action for your life, then you have allowed someone else to set a course of direction for you.

To be quite honest, you might be shocked just how little others are actually thinking about you.

I am always amazed at the amount of ego that is present when someone is so invested in others thoughts about their actions. Often it is someone who is very self-conscious and, on the outside, seems very non-egoic. But it is usually just the opposite. The ego has such a hold on them that they base every action on the ideas, words and presumed thoughts of others.

One of my favorite quotes i use for my clients is one from Dr. Seuss where he says, “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.”

Way 3: Worry From Others is Often Judgement of Your Journey. Don’t Judge, Just Live

It is your journey. Things are only Bad or Good in the context of the moment, but it is always your journey. No one can worry you better, angry, happy or any other emotion that others desire to afflict you with. Only you can determine the beauty of any Now Moment.

Feel this Present Moment, for it is the only one you have.

Be your own creation and do not allow others to infect their egoic natures on you, for they are on their own journey as well. If you truly can let people say what they must to you and simply say, “Thank you” and then say “that is your journey to think as much and it really is none of my business what you think of mine but I appreciate you for who you are.”

This will always stop the conversation for their really is nowhere else for them to go from there. The key here is to mean it with a sincere heart for you do recognize that their journey is what it is as is yours.

In the end, it really does come down to the fact that what others think of you is, indeed, none of your business…ever!

Be a Person of Quality. Direct Your Power.

Until then…

Be Excellent, Expect the Best!

Let me Know your Thoughts Below, Follow this Blog, and be Social with this Post, for the more people we have living successfully in this Now Moment and discussing the value of doing so, the higher we lift all others around us.

*******

dasouthern@directyourpower.comDA Southern is an Author, Speaker, Blogger and a Personal Development Life Coach, teaching the spirit of living in Now Moments with the principles he experienced during over 35 years as an actor and director in live theatre. DA coaches his clients to rid life of limiting beliefs that have kept them from achieving miracles in all areas of their life by embracing Mindfulness of the Present Moment with a renewed Vision for life. Contact DA Southern for Coaching or Speaking @ dasouthern@directyourpower.com

Being In The Flow of Life: 3 Ways to Embrace the Beginning of Flow Within

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Do you find yourself often going through the routines of life with no concern for the actual essence of all that surrounds you?

Does anything that happens ‘out of the ordinary’ throw you for a loop and gives you an excuse to have a bad day?

Does your flow seem more like a muddy pool of water that has a filmy substance covering it with a gentle aroma that seems slightly unpleasant to the senses?

Flow. Everyone talks of it. Most embrace it as a way, or as a desire, as a way to live their lives. The truth, however, is crouched in a security mindset that leaves nothing for flow at all in your life.

Life, then, becomes nothing more than for an accumulation for the shinny things that somehow, then, constitute a way to make life exciting. Be it the latest electronic gadget or the immersion into the latest sports team that we seem to desire to live vicariously through or some television program that diverts us from any sense of flow.

Now, i am not being a ‘you kids, get off of my lawn’ here, i assure you. I love great movies and tv that entertains. However, sometimes, when you fill you mind with all of the trivialities of life and wonder why a sense of flow is interrupted, you have to begin to take notice.

Flow Begins With the Questions We Ask

The question then becomes one not so much of the external, but one of the internal and the place the soul’s growth is within your life. Do you take care of the internal in places that only silence and reflection can truly take you? Do you release yourself to a higher level of living in that you are mindful of the Universal Way of life for all of creation? Do you truly release yourself and your ego long enough in any given period of time to truly care about life or are you so invested in your own trials and tribulations that life becomes a one-dimensional look from only your perspective.

Essentially, i am asking you if you see beyond yourself and actually enjoy what you see?

3 Ways to Embrace the Beginning of Flow Within

It is funny how most expect struggle and desperately seek a release of that struggle in terms of just being in the flow. It seems as if they so enjoy the essence of the struggle that flow then becomes a place or a condition of circumstances of things and people. Yes, these things may be part of the enjoyment of flow, but they are not flow that comes from within.

Way 1: Be Willing to Understand that Flow is Always an Inside Job

A penny on the track will derail a train. Well, that is what i thought when i was a kid. I was once walking along side of some railroad tracks with some friends when i was a kid and found a series of about ten mishapped pennys along a certain stretch of track. As i picked them up, one of my friends excitedly asked if some one was trying to derail a train. I looked at him as he told the story of derailing a train by putting a penny on the track and how he had heard about it from a cousin.

I still laugh at the story and how excited that made my friend at the time. That a tiny little copper piece could actually derail a huge, heavy train. But, in retrospect, is it any different than what happens to us on a daily basis? A small little change in our daily routine can cause us to ‘go off the rails’ in such a way that everyone around us suffers in the process,

Flow, then, begins with that place within that understands that you are the train and no penny can derail you.

Way 2: Understand that Circumstances Don’t Define You

In the great poem by Rudyard Kipling, “If”, he talks about the virtue of keeping your head when he penned, “If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs and blaming it on you” and goes on to illustrate that circumstances should never rule the day.

In the final verse, he talks of being the same to all when he wrote, “If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue, Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch, If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you…Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it.”

There is no circumstance that should define you. There is an old saying that says ‘that it is not so much what happens to you, but how you react to it that counts’, is so very true. It is always about your reactions and the way you are in peace with the moments.

Way 3: Be Willing to Release Judgement of Situations and People

One of the greatest killers of flow in one’s life is the judgement in all situations and the people you deal with. Judgement is life the eternal water on the flame of life that seeks to snuff out flow in allowing life to manifest within you all that your heart desires. When you judge situations and people and make assumptions based on those judgements, you are damming up any chance for flow to become your existence.

When you simply release any preconceived notions of people, groups and situations in general, you allow flow to become your very existence, you begin the process of truly living in the flow.

The old expression, ‘Before criticizing a man, walk a mile in his shoes.” applies here and, while the ego may persuade you to live in these judgements, or life experiences as it may be called, instead, allow new experiences to become your norm.

Allow the flow of life to envelop you and give you a new perspective, a new appreciation for the excellence of the journey of life for, therein, lies the heart of flow and of living in truth.

Be a Person of Quality. Direct Your Power.

Until then…

Be Excellent, Expect the Best!

Let me Know your Thoughts Below, Follow this Blog, and be Social with this Post, for the more people we have living successfully in this Now Moment and discussing the value of doing so, the higher we lift all others around us.

*******

dasouthern@directyourpower.comDA Southern is an Author, Speaker, Blogger and a Personal Development Life Coach, teaching the spirit of living in Now Moments with the principles he experienced during over 35 years as an actor and director in live theatre. DA coaches his clients to rid life of limiting beliefs that have kept them from achieving miracles in all areas of their life by embracing Mindfulness of the Present Moment with a renewed Vision for life. Contact DA Southern for Coaching or Speaking @ dasouthern@directyourpower.com

The Suckiness of Fear: 3 Ways to Abate Fear Within You

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OK, i get it…Suckiness is not really a word, but it should be, right?

There is really nothing else i can say that coveys my disdain for the very aspect of fear within our lives. We are taught it. It is held up as a teacher, as a guide to give us the right way to live.

Blah, blah, blah…

We fear everything, it seems, and most of the time the ego has so got a hold on us that we cannot truly live our lives in the joy that is intended as the cool creatures that we are.

Why is that?

There is a whole industry in the self-improvement arena that focuses on ‘facing your fears’. I’m all for that, but the depth of that is far deeper in that there is a truth to be told that instigates the fear itself.

Why does it exist and why have you allowed it to so control you very existence.

I have heard people tell me that they fear death. How do they know? What is it about death that seems to cause people to change the way they live their lives?

It is like when your parents told you to watch out for traffic when you were little because a car could kill you. Well, true, and it is healthy to teach awareness, but, at some point, as far as i know, we all don’t get out alive. It is not that i am telling you to step out into traffic, but to fear something that may or may not happen to the point that it governs your life is truly absurd.

The larger point here is that fear is usually a very unhealthy aspect of the egoic-mind trying to protect its puny existence.

A recent study that was done over a twenty-year time period stated that of the fears that people allowed themselves to imagine, (things that might happen in the future) that of the 100% that were imagined, a mere 8% actually happened. And of the 8%, anywhere from 3% to 5% were so self-imagined that it seemed that events were actually manifested by the participants to make sure the fears actually happened.

To put it another way; 95% of the things that we fear to happen, never have a chance of happening, and that is being pretty generous with our stats.

3 Ways to Abate Fear Within You

If you have decided that you are going to live in the 5% of life that might happen, then that is your life journey. However, if you are thinking that life can be a bit more incredible if you were to break away from fear within your life journey, then it is time to let go and live with a new awareness of life, of love and of the very understanding that you were created to be more than what your ego has decided for you.

Way 1: Understand the Nature of Fear

In any fear-based situation, there is a nature of fear that is fear itself. Many times it is experience in your life that you have processed in a strange way that has no truth on the situation itself. Many times it is authority figures that have dictated their fears to you, so you live vicariously through them in your fear. For whatever the reason the fear exist, it is not so much as to pretend it doesn’t exist, but ask yourself the nature of its existence within you.

An example would be that many people fear flying, but the truth is that more people are killed while driving in a year than flying. Most people i have met who have been in an accident in a car, make it their mission to get back in again to essentially ‘get over it’.

Fear can be debilitating, in that there is no doubt, but really at the heart of many fears is the lack of egoic control. Fear is usually fear of the unknown, is it not?

Way 2: Ask the “What If – Then What?” Questions of the Fear

This is a fairly simple way to deal with the absurdity of fear in many instances.

Ask ‘What If, Then What?’’

What if the fear were to indeed manifest in the moment you imagined it? What then would happen and try to diffuse the fear by carrying it out as far as your mind will allow. the key here is to be absurd as possible as many times, that is the very nature of the fear to begin with.

There was a movie that starred Nicolas Cage called, “Next” that i enjoyed as this was essentially the premise of the movie. In the movie, Cage was a Las Vegas magician who can see into the future in two minute time sequences. What i thought was intriguing was the way he could take a fear of doing a certain action and see what it’s consequences would have been.

Do the same with your fear, but really use the outcome of your fear as would have already have happened to try to project a scenario of it happening.

Way 3: Ask the Final Questions, “What’s the Worse that Can Happen” and then, “What Then?”

At the end of the scenario for the 2nd Way, ask the question “What is the Worse that can happen?” I mean really get to the heart of the fear. More than likely the most carried out aspect of all fears, from the ego’s standpoint, is in some way death. Somehow the fear will eventually lead you to death.

Oh brother, your ego is telling you that if this happens or that happens, you maybe, just might, more than likely, will die, at some point, maybe, but not quite sure.

Do you see the absurdity of it all?

Again, i do not belittle some fears that may be ingrained and rooted in a real circumstance, but, i assure you, that most can be dealt with and, in most cases, can make you a stronger you when dealt with.

Fear is the Death Star within your soul that keeps you in line.

One of the quotes from Star Wars was when Darth Vader was talking about the Death Star and the abolishing of the Imperial Senate.

A character played by a pretty famous actor, Peter Cushing who played Grand Moff Tarkin, was quoted as saying, “The regional governors now have direct control over their territories. Fear will keep the local systems in line. Fear of this Battle Station.”

Is your Death Star within keeping you from truly living your life? Ask the questions and don’t allow the fear in life to take you from a life of expansion and of beauty in the most uncommon of ways.

It is your journey, live it well.

Be a Person of Quality. Direct Your Power.

Until then…

Be Excellent, Expect the Best!

Let me Know your Thoughts Below, Follow this Blog, and be Social with this Post, for the more people we have living successfully in this Now Moment and discussing the value of doing so, the higher we lift all others around us.

*******

dasouthern@directyourpower.comDA Southern is an Author, Speaker, Blogger and a Personal Development Life Coach, teaching the spirit of living in Now Moments with the principles he experienced during over 35 years as an actor and director in live theatre. DA coaches his clients to rid life of limiting beliefs that have kept them from achieving miracles in all areas of their life by embracing Mindfulness of the Present Moment with a renewed Vision for life. Contact DA Southern for Coaching or Speaking @ dasouthern@directyourpower.com

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