3 Ways We Can Seek To Separate Ourselves From Anxiety

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There are so many ways that anxiety seems to rear its ugly head, especially within a society that treasures achievement such as ours.

While there is nothing wrong with achieving as that is the Universal Way, (actually more expansion of who we are than achievement, per se.) the very nature of achievement sometimes seems to go against the act of living a victorious life.

One might call those strong words but i am not here to tread lightly as i have no desire to coddle anyone when it comes to living a life of excellence.

High Expectations of the Achieving Life

It seems as if we are expected to “BE” so much today, are we not?

But sometimes in the very act of becoming, we simply forget to just “Be”. We allow so many influences, from family and friends, to society-at-large, to set the tone for our living. We become, then, filled with an angst that stems from so many voices crying out to us, seeming in our own heads. It is the call of expectations of all in our lives who demand that we are “more”, whatever that is.

More than what? More than who? And more importantly, WHY?

The past beacons us, our “so-called” failures beseech us, our ego compares us and we sink deeper into the abyss, often falling on the weight of fears of a future that we can not support or even imagine.

Why are you anxious? What are the signs and symptoms we should be dealing with here? And, the real question; Who are you in the process?

As a Life Coach, this is the area that seems to be the most pressing for most i encounter. Anxiety, worry, angst, depression…they are all tied into a precarious knot that can doom many and even lead few to consider even taking their own lives.

But there is always a core that the anxiety covers and that is the journey we take to discover the beauty of living in the Present Moment, for here is where all truth lives. This is the Now Moment that we find a way up and out and into a new way of living.

But the ultimate truth is always our own journey that must be discovered. To truly rid yourself of the anxiety in any situation, or just in your daily living, you must do some basic self-reflection steps to have the insight to move forward. Be it with a Life Coach, or through meditation, or just taking yourself fishing…whatever it takes to gain some clarity, it needs to be done.

My father had a peculiar saying that he would spout when Alzheimer’s had taken its grip on him and that was, “Hey, did you stop and smell the roses?” Seemingly out of nowhere, he would interject the saying into conversations. Now my father would occasionally say that growing up, usually as a glib saying, but the simple fact is that there is an ultimate truth here for life. It is a quote that is thrown about so much that we do sometimes forget its significance.

A famous golfer, Ben Hogan, said it beautifully when he said, “As you walk down the fairway of life you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round.”

3 Ways to Begin the Transition Away from Anxiety

Anxiety is a far reaching subject, to be sure, but as it was in the theatre, to get ready for the production of any theatrical production, there are things that have to happen before we even get to rehearsals. We have to consider a lot of factors before even choosing the show and consider all of the elements that go into the production.

The three ways we begin the process is similar then to getting ready for a show; separation, reflection and connection.

When preparing for a show, the separation usually comes from a director getting with the board of directors to choose a vision for a production asking such questions such as, do we do a comedy or is a musical good now?

So when it comes to setting the stage for getting to the heart of your anxiety, you must be willing to prepare.

Way 1: Separation

The goal is to separate ourselves in an atmosphere free from distractions; yes that means your precious smart phone, tablet or laptop. Silence is golden here. Take time for yourself to free yourself from the rush and crush of life for a bit.

Way 2: Reflection.

This is the step that may be the most heartfelt, or should be. This is you identifying the root core and being completely honest with who and where you are in this current moment. Putting all angst aside, you are indeed present in this moment. So in this Now Moment, the worry that brought you to this point has nothing to do with this moment, so drop it. You are here, be here completely Now. Do not allow the future that your ego is painting for you to exist. Make your own rules, which leads us to the third step.

Way 3: Connection or Connectivity.

Such as is preparation to start the theatrical production, these are the components that you have identified in your reflection stage that will move you away from angst; the concepts, people, places and things that you need to begin the process of looking towards the light that is your life. This is the process of the understanding that there is always a way forward.

In the end, it is a solitary journey that opens itself up to the resources the Universe provides for those who are willing to allow for a brighter future. Anxiety is not a way to live in this Present Moment and has no place here. Let’s begin the process together for while it is indeed a solitary journey, you are never alone.

Be a Person of Quality. Direct Your Power.

Until then…

Be Excellent, Expect the Best!

Let me Know your Thoughts Below, Follow this Blog, and be Social with this Post, for the more people we have living successfully in this Now Moment and discussing the value of doing so, the higher we lift all others around us.

*******

dasouthern@directyourpower.comDA Southern is an Author, Speaker, Blogger and a Personal Development Life Coach, teaching the spirit of living in Now Moments with the principles he experienced during over 35 years as an actor and director in live theatre. DA coaches his clients to rid life of limiting beliefs that have kept them from achieving miracles in all areas of their life by embracing Mindfulness of the Present Moment with a renewed Vision for life. Contact DA Southern for Coaching or Speaking @ dasouthern@directyourpower.com

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Why Do You Do The Things You Do? 3 Ways To Relieve The Stress of Life

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Life is filled with one reaction after another. Everything seems to be stressful and the aspect of ‘flying off the handle’ or ‘having a knee-jerk reaction’ to something seems to be fairly acceptable these days. Well, if happens too often, we can always get a pill prescribed as seems to be the way in these stressful times..

But really there seems to be a heart condition that is far more spiritual, in nature, than is physical. Although, it has been proven that our stress of being reactive to every thing can, indeed, lead to physical ailments.

What, then, is at the heart of such a rapid decline of civility within ourselves that translates outward into our reality? Why do we find ways to be insulted and grouped together in our victimization?

Is it that we really desire that connection, even if it is through stress of living? Maybe technology has spread us out so far and wide that it is difficult to truly be connected as we are designed to be, one heart to another.

You know, where i sit and write often, there is a group of older, retired men that sit in the local coffee shop and, together, they solve the town’s, country’s and even the world’s challenges in a matter of minutes over a nice cup of coffee.

These men sit together and are seemingly unconnected, except through the coffee club that has connected them. Yet it seems as if there is a peaceful connection that they bring to the restaurant and to each other that cannot be spoken. It is a place of peace within them.

While it is fascinating to hear them as they solve the crisis of the world, there seems to be a far-reaching truth here; the connection that binds them is a connection of the heart and therein lies the truth to a stress-free existence.

Now, some would indeed argue that often relationships are the source of all stress, but i am of the mindset that the relationships that are truly bound together are seldom built on verbal discourse, but of a heart-to-heart connection that is at its source, the place where stress is seldom experienced.

3 Ways to Relieve the Stress of Life

Think about a relationship with a pet. Never words are spoken, but there is a connection that transcends words and lives within the spirit, does it not?Does it not relieve a stress within you?

Way 1: Understand Your Part in the Stream of Life

Now i am certainly not going to sit here and tell you to ‘buck up’ and not to experience life in the ways it is to be experienced, but i am here to lead you to a new reality of your part in the stream of life.

Nothing happens to you as life is not out to get you.

It s easy to get caught up in being a victim to circumstances, to people, to the challenges that seem to surround you on a daily basis.

But, quite frankly, its not them (not life), it’s you. Most have experienced those little words in terms of a relationship gone awry, but it is time for you to say it to life, “it’s not you, it’s me.”

You see, when you can back off and understand that you, and only you, are the responsible party when it comes to living life in the fullness that is our mission in which to do, life becomes a sweeter version of itself.

Life does not happen to you, you are the captain that steers the course. Yes, often times storms can seem to take us away from our course, but if we release the ego and take back the helm from being a victim, we can command the ship return to the designated course that has been designed for us.

You are still here and therefore your course is still as viable as ever.

Way 2: Find Your Happy Place

It has become quite a cliche that we have a ‘Happy Place’ that we go to in times to conflict, but understand that there is a place that many do retreat to that seems to manifest on the external, often times in ways that seem detrimental such as drugs, alcohol, and unhealthy relationships, just to name a few.

However, these things are just an extension of the internal desire to find that place of bliss that is our inner core of peace. Really, then, it comes down to the questions we ask at this point.

What is the external seeking to manifest from within?
What is the stillness that must be found within that gives me peace on the outside?

Where is that place within me that is my calm?

There is a danger here to give another that power which you must resist. Understand that the person or place or thing that you associate with your happiness factor is an extension of something within.

Really sit and source it out for yourself, for at the heart of that understanding is the key to living stress-free.

Way 3: Release Yourself to the Moment of Now

Life happens now and at the source of most stress are the future events that are supposed to happen in some perfect completion or some past that did not happen as planned and is now infecting your Now Moment existence.

This existence of Now is your Happy Place as you are here, are you not? Anything that was supposed to cause you some type of dire consequences has not kept you from this Now Moment. There is nothing that the past supposedly was matters to this exact Now Moment. There is no future as of yet that can not be dealt with.

Ask, “What is the worse that can happen?” if you must, and find a place in this Now Moment to live free of it all, because whether you know it or not, you already are doing so.

Enjoy the sights and sounds of your surroundings. Meditate silently in the conversations of those around you and just listen to the way they speak, the way they reflect as they speak. Notice the nuances of every little action and reaction for when you become ever-present in the Now Moments of life, there is little left for the stress of what should or might be or has been.

Live, now, free of the reactions of living and become the action of living free within yourself. For here alone, is the place of peace that transcends into a life of serenity.

Be a Person of Quality. Direct Your Power.

Until then…

Be Excellent, Expect the Best!

Let me Know your Thoughts Below, Follow this Blog, and be Social with this Post, for the more people we have living successfully in this Now Moment and discussing the value of doing so, the higher we lift all others around us.

*******

dasouthern@directyourpower.comDA Southern is an Author, Speaker, Blogger and a Personal Development Life Coach, teaching the spirit of living in Now Moments with the principles he experienced during over 35 years as an actor and director in live theatre. DA coaches his clients to rid life of limiting beliefs that have kept them from achieving miracles in all areas of their life by embracing Mindfulness of the Present Moment with a renewed Vision for life. Contact DA Southern for Coaching or Speaking @ dasouthern@directyourpower.com

The Suckiness of Fear: 3 Ways to Abate Fear Within You

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OK, i get it…Suckiness is not really a word, but it should be, right?

There is really nothing else i can say that coveys my disdain for the very aspect of fear within our lives. We are taught it. It is held up as a teacher, as a guide to give us the right way to live.

Blah, blah, blah…

We fear everything, it seems, and most of the time the ego has so got a hold on us that we cannot truly live our lives in the joy that is intended as the cool creatures that we are.

Why is that?

There is a whole industry in the self-improvement arena that focuses on ‘facing your fears’. I’m all for that, but the depth of that is far deeper in that there is a truth to be told that instigates the fear itself.

Why does it exist and why have you allowed it to so control you very existence.

I have heard people tell me that they fear death. How do they know? What is it about death that seems to cause people to change the way they live their lives?

It is like when your parents told you to watch out for traffic when you were little because a car could kill you. Well, true, and it is healthy to teach awareness, but, at some point, as far as i know, we all don’t get out alive. It is not that i am telling you to step out into traffic, but to fear something that may or may not happen to the point that it governs your life is truly absurd.

The larger point here is that fear is usually a very unhealthy aspect of the egoic-mind trying to protect its puny existence.

A recent study that was done over a twenty-year time period stated that of the fears that people allowed themselves to imagine, (things that might happen in the future) that of the 100% that were imagined, a mere 8% actually happened. And of the 8%, anywhere from 3% to 5% were so self-imagined that it seemed that events were actually manifested by the participants to make sure the fears actually happened.

To put it another way; 95% of the things that we fear to happen, never have a chance of happening, and that is being pretty generous with our stats.

3 Ways to Abate Fear Within You

If you have decided that you are going to live in the 5% of life that might happen, then that is your life journey. However, if you are thinking that life can be a bit more incredible if you were to break away from fear within your life journey, then it is time to let go and live with a new awareness of life, of love and of the very understanding that you were created to be more than what your ego has decided for you.

Way 1: Understand the Nature of Fear

In any fear-based situation, there is a nature of fear that is fear itself. Many times it is experience in your life that you have processed in a strange way that has no truth on the situation itself. Many times it is authority figures that have dictated their fears to you, so you live vicariously through them in your fear. For whatever the reason the fear exist, it is not so much as to pretend it doesn’t exist, but ask yourself the nature of its existence within you.

An example would be that many people fear flying, but the truth is that more people are killed while driving in a year than flying. Most people i have met who have been in an accident in a car, make it their mission to get back in again to essentially ‘get over it’.

Fear can be debilitating, in that there is no doubt, but really at the heart of many fears is the lack of egoic control. Fear is usually fear of the unknown, is it not?

Way 2: Ask the “What If – Then What?” Questions of the Fear

This is a fairly simple way to deal with the absurdity of fear in many instances.

Ask ‘What If, Then What?’’

What if the fear were to indeed manifest in the moment you imagined it? What then would happen and try to diffuse the fear by carrying it out as far as your mind will allow. the key here is to be absurd as possible as many times, that is the very nature of the fear to begin with.

There was a movie that starred Nicolas Cage called, “Next” that i enjoyed as this was essentially the premise of the movie. In the movie, Cage was a Las Vegas magician who can see into the future in two minute time sequences. What i thought was intriguing was the way he could take a fear of doing a certain action and see what it’s consequences would have been.

Do the same with your fear, but really use the outcome of your fear as would have already have happened to try to project a scenario of it happening.

Way 3: Ask the Final Questions, “What’s the Worse that Can Happen” and then, “What Then?”

At the end of the scenario for the 2nd Way, ask the question “What is the Worse that can happen?” I mean really get to the heart of the fear. More than likely the most carried out aspect of all fears, from the ego’s standpoint, is in some way death. Somehow the fear will eventually lead you to death.

Oh brother, your ego is telling you that if this happens or that happens, you maybe, just might, more than likely, will die, at some point, maybe, but not quite sure.

Do you see the absurdity of it all?

Again, i do not belittle some fears that may be ingrained and rooted in a real circumstance, but, i assure you, that most can be dealt with and, in most cases, can make you a stronger you when dealt with.

Fear is the Death Star within your soul that keeps you in line.

One of the quotes from Star Wars was when Darth Vader was talking about the Death Star and the abolishing of the Imperial Senate.

A character played by a pretty famous actor, Peter Cushing who played Grand Moff Tarkin, was quoted as saying, “The regional governors now have direct control over their territories. Fear will keep the local systems in line. Fear of this Battle Station.”

Is your Death Star within keeping you from truly living your life? Ask the questions and don’t allow the fear in life to take you from a life of expansion and of beauty in the most uncommon of ways.

It is your journey, live it well.

Be a Person of Quality. Direct Your Power.

Until then…

Be Excellent, Expect the Best!

Let me Know your Thoughts Below, Follow this Blog, and be Social with this Post, for the more people we have living successfully in this Now Moment and discussing the value of doing so, the higher we lift all others around us.

*******

dasouthern@directyourpower.comDA Southern is an Author, Speaker, Blogger and a Personal Development Life Coach, teaching the spirit of living in Now Moments with the principles he experienced during over 35 years as an actor and director in live theatre. DA coaches his clients to rid life of limiting beliefs that have kept them from achieving miracles in all areas of their life by embracing Mindfulness of the Present Moment with a renewed Vision for life. Contact DA Southern for Coaching or Speaking @ dasouthern@directyourpower.com

The Ego of Fear – The 2.5 Solution (Part 1)

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For some reason, at this time of the year, around that Day called Valentines, many movies are released that are, for a lack of a better term, slasher movies.

For some reason, love and being killed and maimed, are somehow interlinked. Insert your own comment here as most have a story of love being like that. But as soon as you have allowed the ego to ‘remind’ you of some relationship gone bad, put away your fears about love and move on.

Now there is no doubt that movies such as these are released for a reason; a subliminal and cynical look at love, i suppose. But i tend to have a different view of it all and a view that tends to the real issue here; the fear of it all in love and in life.

You see, a culture of fear that we now live in, grabs and holds us in the very seat of power that is always the ego. There is no rationalization for not being simply the very best for yourself and for those who inhabit your realm. If you exist in fear, then you take away the power given to you by the universe to become magnificent creatures of pure joy.

The ego is so in charge of the fear solution in your life that there is a very real possibility that you are totally unaware that you have succumbed to this way of life.

Fear, and all associated layers the ego uses to keep you grounded in your Now Moments, is the place you desire deep in the recesses of your heart not to be. But somehow through the media, social interactions and the past that your ego has decided to keep you in, you don’t progress in thought, word or deed.

You merely exist.

What is fear, then? It is “An unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat.” as is described in the dictionary.

The key here that is the basis for the ego; “belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat.”

Really? This is how you desire to take the most magnificent creation of the Universe, the human life-force, and allow some egoic belief that something is LIKELY to cause pain or threat?

What are some of the synonyms for the word, likely, here? They are, probable, plausible, feasible, apt, fit and possible. None of these words that have any certainly attached to them but they are words the ego uses to keep you in a constant state of non-action and in a place of discontent, what many call ‘out of balance.’

The 2.5 Fear Solution

In this era of software updates and beta testing, we have the Fear Solution 2.5. For as does fear and the ego evolve to become this new strain, like a nasty virus in your computer, we become more vigilant with every release of our solutions to rid you of fear and of the egoic nature that holds you back.

The 2.5 Fear Solution is a series of steps that take you from where you are to where you desire to be in a way that dispenses of the egoic nature that holds you in that place in your live where “likely” has become a concrete, unmovable block in your path.

2.5 Step 1: The understanding of the nature of fear

While the ego uses the elements of fear to hold you in a place you often don’t desire to be, you must understand that the beginning of fear within will manifest outside of yourself.

You see, since fear is so intertwined in our lives, it is hard to understand the truth about it as a force in any given situation. It seems the fear of one situation, totally unrelated to another, becomes the rationale to infect the secondary fear.

Here is a very simple example that people use to rationalize what i call, across-the-board fear. I was at a party recently where a lady was talking about her pets. She proceeded to tell her guest that she didn’t like cats because, when she was a young girl, a cat, according to her, attacked her. She said that she didn’t like cats because of that.

Yes, i can see what she means. When i was a young boy, an adult was mean to me as well, therefore i don’t like any adults now. Wait, that was my parent and i am sure i did nothing to instigate that at all. Also, in my primitive, child-like mind, i was a very me-centered creature that was hyper-sensitive to any tonal qualities of someone ‘being mean’ to me.

Do you see how the ego uses an incident to carry into life in general? Understanding the nature of fear really involves taking the situation that is ‘likely’ causing you to not progress and dissecting it like a surgeon to get to the root cause of fear.

Like a computer program, we will take the virus and use our computer code to isolate and eradicate the past hurt or whatever the ego has used to ‘protect’ you from this current-day situation.

And like computer code, we are simply performing the functions of our code without an emotional attachment, if at all possible. The key here is to isolate the virus to rid ourselves from cross-contamination that the virus causes.

However, like a computer virus, fear can cause the whole system to shut down forcing a reinstall.

Sometime that is exactly what we need to do.

In the next post, we will continue with the 2.5 Fear Solution and how to reset your computer to not allow fear to become your living and loving pattern for life.

Until then…

Be Excellent, Expect the Best

*******

Let me Know your Thoughts Below, Follow this Blog, and be Social with this Post, for the more people we have living successfully in this Now Moment and discussing the value of doing so, the higher we lift all others around us.

*******

directyourownlife@gmail.comDA Southern is an Author, Speaker, Blogger and a Strategic Life Coach, teaching the spirit of living in Now Moments with the principles he experienced during over 35 years as an actor and director in live theatre. DA coaches his clients to rid life of limiting beliefs that have kept them from achieving miracles in all areas of their life by embracing Mindfulness of the Present Moment with a renewed Vision for life. Contact DA Southern for Coaching or Speaking directyourownlife@gmail.com

The 3 Senses of Anger: 3 Ways to Diffuse Stormy Anger

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Sense Two: Stormy (vs. calm) Anger

There is a proverb that talks of one living on the roof alone rather than being with a contentious soul in the home. I believe the key word here is “contentious” and its very meaning: Involving heated argument(s).

Of course, the definition is succinct in its meaning in that if it was a simple dialogue between two souls in a non-contentious manner, it would not be heated. Anything heated, from an argument perspective, involves an intensity of thought, mind and deed and seldom is the resolution peaceful to the extent that someone doesn’t go off hurt or even more angry than at the outset.

Stormy Anger is that place that makes us literally sick inside, does it not? Yet, until we come to terms with who we are as Universal Souls, we too, have undoubtedly have Storms within that have transferred outward.

What makes Stormy Anger the most challenging is that when we are often in the midst of it, it “seems” rational and we are even aware of it as it is happening. But it is as if we have committed ourselves to it and must follow it through to the end. It is almost as if the ego will not let you abandon Stormy Anger as it needs it to propel you in a direction that is never really you, but once you have gone there, it becomes you. Often Stormy Anger is a pattern unto itself.

Think of when you were/are around a parent or friend who “goes off” and becomes this “Incredible Hulk” of sorts in certain situations. Doesn’t that make you react differently as you try to ascertain what caused the Stormy Anger to begin with. The very term, “Walking on eggshells” is applied and the idea is to not provoke the Stormy Anger to begin with.

Perhaps the most insidious aspect of Stormy Anger is that the very things we react to and guard against, are not usually the conditions of the Stormy Anger at all. We then become reactive beings instead of loving creatures true to ourselves as individuals.

Understand that Stormy Anger is more often than not, a set of conditions, not the person. The person is just “under the influence” so to speak. That is what makes it so hard to gauge and instead of understanding the conditions that brought the Stormy Anger to the surface, we go out of our way to maintain peace.

But peace, based on the fear of something maybe happening, is never peace. And because of fear, we become reactive beings and not Present in the Moment as fear is always future based.

In the theatre, as a director, it is always funny when you direct a character that has to become angry on stage. Many times, the actors get to the part of “being really angry” and it is almost as if the concept is foreign to them. Often times, their anger is so contrived and comical, it is as if they had never been angry in their lives. It is as if anger is something that others do but certainly not them. I understand the concept, because at the heart of anger is the very understanding that you don’t desire to be in that place. It is as if you are, indeed, possessed by someone outside of yourself.

You are. It is called the ego.

Again look at all of the words that surround anger from the previous post, and it is easy to see why we become so confused with the word itself. It means so many things, elicits so many emotions, and yet it is a catch-all for acting a certain way.

So, what are some of the ways to begin to diffuse Stormy Anger within and in the situations that you are subjected to?

3 Steps to Begin to Diffuse Stormy Anger

Step 1: Embrace the Eye of the Storm

Now, this may seem counter-intuitive at first, but embrace the concept.

Now, i will preface this by saying that the very nature of Stormy Anger may be a danger aspect, so always be intuitive and non-reactive by extricating yourself from a situation that you may deem as such. But always do this in a state of calm, not in a reactive state of fear.

In Coaching clients, when i often encounter a Stormy Anger, or any anger, situation, i get to the Eye of the Storm. In a Hurricane, at the center, there is a calm that is uncanny. It is as if life is in a bubble and the storm will not touch it. Such is anger, especially Stormy Anger.

The fact of Stormy Anger is that, often, you are aware of it, but as i said, you feel committed to it. If you simply allow yourself to briefly rage, and then announce to yourself that you will find the eye of the storm, this may take you momentarily off of the storm itself, away from the ego, and then to the conditions that have caused the storm to begin with.

You see, it is the self-awareness that diffuses the anger many times. Embracing the Eye is allowing your ego to become unimportant and you becoming Present in the Moment.

When others become Stormy, become the calm and do not react. It is almost as if the ego of the Stormy Anger needs to feed on souls in fear. When others begin Stormy Anger, start first by non-reaction and then speaking almost in a whisper to them. It forces them to listen, to stop and to re-focus, often times out of the Stormy Anger.

Step 2: Don’t Allow Anger to Run its Course

Again, counter-intuitive, but the concept here is that you are not going to allow anger to influence or become the bases of any future reaction. It is never an honest emotion and is usually based in fear.

Instead, for yourself and for those you are dealing with in Stormy Anger, the Eye is where you announce that there is no more acceptance of the anger. That there is no conclusion where someone does not get hurt emotionally in some way. This is the place where self-awareness reigns supreme and you take back from the ego that which is yours; The peace of the Now Moment.

Step 3: Deal With the Conditions and Walk Away

We started by saying that it is the conditions of Stormy Anger that must be dealt with, so by taking the personal aspects of anger and dealing only with the conditions, the ego will be more apt to release the anger as it is not being attacked.

Well, maybe.

The ego always desires to be in charge, but the key here is to deal with the conditions and leave the personal out. This will give you a beginning, if nothing else.

The key concept here is, Embracing the Eye. From here all moments become yours. Ultimately you are responsible for yourself. Never allow “being angry” to be an excuse for acting in a contrary way.

It is your journey.

Live as if you have a purpose, for you do.

*******

Let me Know your Thoughts Below, Follow this Blog, and be Social with this Post, for the more people we have living successfully in this Now Moment and discussing the value of doing so, the higher we lift all others around us.

*******

directyourownlife@gmail.comDA Southern is a Strategic Life Coach, teaching the spirit of living in Now Moments with the principles he experienced during over 35 years as an actor and director in live theatre. DA coaches his clients to rid life of limiting beliefs that have kept them from achieving miracles in all areas of their life by embracing Mindfulness of the Present Moment with a renewed Vision for life. Contact DA Southern for coaching directyourownlife@gmail.com

The 3 Senses of Anger; 3 Steps to Deal With Being Angry (vs. Un-Angry)

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Kick the Dog

A man was late for work and, being in the state of general “pissed-off-i-ness”, (even though i am pretty sure it is not a word, most everybody knows and has experienced the very state in conjures up your mind!) his general attitude was becoming more unpleasant by the second.

The very act of rushing was adding to his general state of anger and in the process of trying to juggle papers, his cell phone and the breakfast sandwich he was gulping down as he drove, a man in another car entered the highway and proceeded to drive at the exact rate of speed indicated on the roadsigns. Imagine that!

The man in a hurry, (we will call him Joe) rushes upon the driver, who was simply obeying the rules of the road, and slams on his breaks so as not to hit the safe driver, sending the various items on the  passenger side of Joe’s car onto the floor.

Joe is now extremely hacked off and passes the man, even more angry at the man and life, in general. Joe gets to work and immediately starts in on his assistant, which gets her day off poorly as well. She, then, reacts accordingly and is reactive to all she encounters for the rest of the day.

When she heads home, she yells at her son for his room being dirty, for him being dirty, and for whatever else she could harp on him for. The son then goes into his room and kicks the dog.

Oh, yes, the man in the other car went on joyfully and had a wonderful day.

While we can’t say as much for the poor dog, as he was simply at the receiving end of a day of anger being transferred, we do know one thing for sure; Anger, the general attitude of anger, is like yeast used in baking, there is but a small amount that is needed to affect the whole loaf of bread being baked.

In Sense One: Angry (vs. Un-angry), there is a general acceptance of this state of mind. I mean, we all get angry, right? We need to express our anger, to get it out, so to speak, or it will not be good for us. Even psychologists seem to parrot that in some cases.

But the truth be known, anger is a cascading snowball, that grows and affects all in its path. This general anger, the most acceptable anger of the three Senses of Anger, seems the most innocuous does it not? The general, little life annoyances, that everyone deals with and that everyone knows to expect are nothing more than “letting off steam”.

But to do not delude yourself here. Like drugs that seemingly lead to other drugs of a more powerful bent, anger seems to breed the same. The challenge is that as a society, we need to be less accepting of anger in any form, and more passionate about living a life anger-free.

3 Steps to Becoming Anger Free

In my Life Coaching pursuits, many times one of the first things i must deal with my clients is the very issue of anger. The thing about anger is that the ego often masks it so well in the guise of other emotions. But at the heart of many emotions is indeed anger and it must be dealt with to ensure a successful transition into a new realm of desire for the client.

Step 1: Acceptance

I have never been of the mindset that we are to gloss-over or just “be positive” and pretend that the emotions don’t exist.

Yes,at the heart of living victoriously in every Now Moment is the positive frame of mind that is joyful and real. Not a bunch of platitudes or sayings that are like butter on a pile of hot pancakes; as soon as it hits the heat of the luscious cakes of goodness, the butter melts away from the heat. Such are positive sayings. We must first deal with the heat (the anger) that will never allow the butter to have any affect and then the butter, when it does melt, will gently invade the soul.

So, we first list the emotions we are dealing with and don’t try to analyze them. We just list them down. We then just accept the emotions and feelings such as we do a sign on the road that indicates some piece of information we may need when traveling.

The sign only indicates where the gas station is; it is not the gas station. Such are the emotions. They merely indicate to what the emotion is, it is not us. Where the emotion leads us, in a sense, is the gas station.

This process is almost foreign to some; the acknowledgment of an emotion. But, may times, it is the flushing out of the ego, of anger, and the moving on from there to Step 2.

Step 2: Catch and Release

To continue on with the gas station analogy, we have come to the station. we have accepted the signs (the emotions) and have found our way to the heart of why we are angry.

Now here is where we come to understand how we got here. Yes, our emotions lead us here, but what are the circumstances; the people, places or events, that started our trip? Many times if you were to look at anger, it would be like a big mindmap. At the center is you and your trusty companion, anger, and stemming out are the tentacles of all that have affected your anger.

Now the important part here, as you look at the various parts, is not to assign “right” or “wrong” motives here, but just acknowledge and really release them into the wild.

Anger is always a past reflection on a current state of mind. Think about it. Anger always happens in the past and the ego uses that anger to hold you and bind you. By releasing the various moving parts, you can move forward.

Step 3: Fill the Tank and Go

This seems pretty straightforward, but many get caught in the trap of Step 2 by staying in Step 2. It is not that we dwell on it, but have a simple talk with ourselves to just let the past go. People hold on to the past only to the extent that it serves them and, yes, that is even if it was a tragedy of some kind. By staying perpetually at Step 2, we don’t allow our tanks to become full of the hopefulness of the road ahead. For our journey is ours alone.

Yes, we pick up passengers along the way and we live, love and laugh with reckless abandon as that is our mission, joy. But we start, and finish, alone and we are ultimately responsible for that journey within, that leads us without.

Observe the signs, release the anger, fill the tank and move on. This is the joy of living anger-free.

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Let me know your thoughts below, get on the newsletter list HERE, and be Social with this Post, for the more people we have living successfully in this Now Moment and discussing the value of doing so, the higher we lift all others around us.

*******

directyourownlife@gmail.comDA Southern is a Strategic Life Coach, teaching the spirit of living in Now Moments with the principles he experienced during over 35 years as an actor and director in live theatre. DA coaches his clients to rid life of limiting beliefs that have kept them from achieving miracles in all areas of their life by embracing Mindfulness of the Present Moment with a renewed Vision for life. Contact DA Southern for coaching directyourownlife@gmail.com

The Three Senses of Anger

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Why is it that anger, when you are in the midst of it, seems like a rational expression of living naturally?

Why is it that anger seems to “make sense” but the reality is that when most come across a soul tormented by anger that, it seems anything but sensible.

The funny thing about it is that we are very adept at seeing it in others as it is manifest but, often, we find it difficult to see anger when we look into the mirror.

Here is the most troubling aspect of anger; Within anger, the capacity for love is non-existent. It is as if anger and all of its subsidiaries dam up the flow of love. They are truly opposite ends of the spectrum and cannot co-exist together in any form whatsoever.

The challenge then, is to understand how anger does indeed manifest in various ways and to understand that in any form, anger impedes the flow of love in your life. Oh, it is easy to say that you love someone or some situation, but the beleaguered word of love thrown about often is just that, a word to mask anger and its little henchmen.

Looking up anger in the dictionary and it strikes me immediately when the dictionary defines anger as “a part of speech”, it made me think that it should seldom actually be a part of life. Unfortunately, that is not the case.

The dictionary is pretty succinct it its definition stating that anger is that “state of being mad, annoyed” but what is the most interesting to look at are the synonyms that are listed as influenced by anger.

They are,  acrimony, animosity, annoyance, antagonism, blow up, cat fit, (although, i’ve not seen my cat really have to many fits!) chagrin, choler, conniption, dander, disapprobation, displeasure, distemper, enmity, exasperation, fury, gall, hatred, hissy fit, huff, ill humor, ill temper, impatience, indignation, infuriation, irascibility, ire, irritability, irritation, mad, miff, outrage, passion, peevishness, petulance, pique, rage, rankling, resentment, slow burn, soreness, stew, storm, tantrum, temper, tiff, umbrage, vexation, and violence, just to name a few.

What is even more fascinating about anger when you delve deeper into the word. It seems to have three distinct stages, the three senses of angry.

Sense One: Angry (vs. Unangry)

This is where a lot of words that seem to be brief flashes of anger seem to reside. The stranger that cuts you off, the person that says something that “rubs you the wrong way.” You know, depending on your mood, something affects you one way one day where you might not get too concerned and yet another way on a day when you are looking at life with not such a great outlook.

Sense Two: Stormy (vs. calm)

This is a very difficult stage, it seems, as it is two totally opposite ends of the spectrum. Think of the very word, Stormy, and what are the images that are conjured up in your mind?

As a writer, often the use of the word “Stormy” or “Stormed into” portrays a sense of fear, does it not in a novel? The very word seems to illicit images of loved ones who have “gone off” and the fear that has arisen because of that emotion. But the redeeming part of this sense of the word, if it can be stated that way, is that there seems to be not a continual state that leads into one bad experience after another, for the most part.

Of course, it then leads others to live their lives based on the “blow up” of the particular individual, or the avoidance of it the situation, if at all possible. This sense of the word then becomes toxic for all in the angry persons sphere as they alter their life so as to not cause the blow up.

Sense Three: Unhealthy (vs. Healthy)

This the “Danger, Will Robinson” of the senses of the word anger, in that it is the one that often leads to death to the person of anger and, many times, to the ones they are associated with. The unhealthy anger is often masked in depression and is the anger that strikes at times that most have no way of seeing.

Often, when coaching a client, i see anger played out in ways that almost seems as a positive as a career enhancer, but seldom is it sustainable.

Anger is really like that douse of charcoal fluid you put on a grill. A burst of a toxin that stokes the flame but burns off quickly. Yes, it does what is intended, gives the charcoal that needed burst of energy that is needed to cook the burgers, it intensifies the heat, but like anger, the coals eventually burn away and leave nothing but a smoldering and grey looking substance that is, at its core, unhealthy to even touch or breathe in.

Such are the senses of anger and in the next series of posts, we will look at ways to deal with each sense of anger and why it is never a positive way of living life.

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Let me know your thoughts below, get on the newsletter list HERE, and be Social with this Post, for the more people we have living successfully in this Now Moment and discussing the value of doing so, the higher we lift all others around us.

*******

directyourownlife@gmail.comDA Southern is a Strategic Life Coach, teaching the spirit of living in Now Moments with the principles he experienced during over 35 years as an actor and director in live theatre. DA coaches his clients to rid life of limiting beliefs that have kept them from achieving miracles in all areas of their life by embracing Mindfulness of the Present Moment with a renewed Vision for life. Contact DA Southern for coaching directyourownlife@gmail.com

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