Character Traits: 3 Ways to Understand the Process

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Such a funny word; Character, and we use it to denote so many things in our English language. Just one definition alone has over 14 different incarnations of the word anywhere from traits about yourself to someone playing a part on a play or movie.

Just some of the definitions of the word Character are; The mental and moral qualities distinctive to an individual, The distinctive nature of something, The quality of being individual, typically in an interesting or unusual way, Strength and originality in a person’s nature, A person’s good reputation, A person in a novel, play, or movie, A part played by someone in a theatrical production, An interesting or amusing individual, and the list goes on and on.

With such a wide range and ways that it has become saturated by its various uses, it is a wonder we can seem to make sense of the word at all. The very fact that it has become a catch-all for all kinds of qualities, make it not as effective a tool when we desire to instill a character quality within ourselves or someone we are mentoring.

However, to talk of instilling a character trait within oneself, there is really a purification that must take place within the soul.

The other day i saw a commercial for Velveeta Cheesy Skillets and it had a video of this guy, a blacksmith, who talked with a deep voice as he sang the praises of “Liquid Gold”. In fact, outside of being a blacksmith, which he said he loved, his second love was the Liquid Gold of Velveeta. Pretty sure he wasn’t a paid spokesperson, either. I mean, come on, that would damage the very image of blacksmiths across the world, right?

What stuck me in the commercial, was the fact that this blacksmith was forging a horseshoe and it was hot on both ends of the edges of the horseshoe, but apparently in the middle, where he was holding it, was as cool as a cucumber because he was holding it with his bare hand.

But it got me to thinking about the process in general of forging something in that process. So, i asked Mr.Google about it and was lead to the process for purifying gold.

The refining process, the process that removes impurities that remain after the smelting process, makes the gold 99.9% pure. So when something is 24 Karat gold, it is essentially as pure of a gold as you can get. Subsequently, some thing that is 18 Karat is about 75% pure. Something 12 Karat is about 50% and of course something 0 Karats is, well, a carrot, I suppose.

The point here is that character traits have to be forged within us and really, when we desire a trait for ourselves or for someone who we are mentoring or parenting, the only thing we can hope to do is to instill the qualities. The forging process still must occur.

When i was a director for a community theatre, we used an old church for our theatre. Now we had a cool space but right in the middle of the theatre was this very large column that was a support. Essentially, lighting the stage was a challenge sometime with the obstacle in the way. Nothing was more evident to something i took for granted than when i had an intern from the local college theatre department come in with their ‘fancy book-learnin’ ways” on how to light a stage.

Forging Traits of Character

Oh, it was impressive with all of these fancy patterns on how the beams should cross and all to light the stage. But life is oftentimes different than that of the little perfection taught in the safety and security of a classroom. To see the little intern get a look of horror when i showed her the realities of the situation of the pole and how sometimes, like most things in life, you have to retain the concept of the intent, but you have to go all MacGyver on the situation to make it work, was priceless.

3 Ways To Begin The Forging Process

Way 1: Understand First the Intent of the Trait You Desire

People often times think that by merely talking about some character trait or deciding that you desire it, will make it so. More times than not, the opposite is the case. It is like watching The Biggest Loser on TV while eating a bag of chips. There is just a disconnect.

You really have to get down to why you desire it to begin with. If someone has told you that you need this or that character trait, the ego essentially tells you to tell them to ‘buzz off’. It is something that has to be forged within you.

Way 2: Awareness of Intent

Life, and living in the Now Moments of life, is all about the awareness of it all. There is a axiom that i tell my coaching clients; i tell them that the beauty of life is in the details of the details, meaning that they are to be hyper-aware in a given period of time to train their senses to be aware.

To forge a trait, you have to be hyper-aware of it in a given situation, either by observing it in others or in yourself. Really notice the intent of the trait and what are the processes that manifest it. Understand the emotions that accompany it as well and really understand the overall quality of a trait you are trying to forge.

Way 3: It Has to be For You

There is no character trait that can be instilled that your ego or anyone outside of you insist that you must retain for yourself. That is tricky in that if we are in a mentoring situation, we truly desire traits for the ones we wish to impact for their betterment. But if we allow the ego to become front and center, the character trait will never become forged.

The key here is to live it and become a model while teaching the intent behind the character trait. There in lies the truth in becoming, not only to others, but to ourselves.

Understand it, be Aware and internalize the character traits that define you, for in the end, you are the only one who must answer for your journey.

Be a Person of Quality. Direct Your Power.

Until then…

Be Excellent, Expect the Best!

Let me Know your Thoughts Below, Follow this Blog, and be Social with this Post, for the more people we have living successfully in this Now Moment and discussing the value of doing so, the higher we lift all others around us.


directyourownlife@gmail.comDA Southern is an Author, Speaker, Blogger and a Personal Development Life Coach, teaching the spirit of living in Now Moments with the principles he experienced during over 35 years as an actor and director in live theatre. DA coaches his clients to rid life of limiting beliefs that have kept them from achieving miracles in all areas of their life by embracing Mindfulness of the Present Moment with a renewed Vision for life. Contact DA Southern for Coaching or Speaking


The Action of Reaction; 3 Ways to Get a Grip

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In the height of any political season reactions are heightened in the media, between people and between ideologies. Now, the premise here is not to choose a side, a ’right’ or ‘wrong’, for most, i have found have an outlook based on upbringing or transformational actions that have happened in their lives.

But the bigger point here is that it seems that reactions to the common everyday nuances of life are heightened. It seems that we become more reactive to every passing news account or video that we see.

Face it, it is reactions that spark debate. It is reactions that are at the core of every reality show. It is reactions that hit you square in the face as you progress through the Now Moments of your day that cause you to react in ways that are not Present Moment peace.

Rita Mae Brown said it beautifully when she said, “A life of reaction is a life of slavery, intellectually and spiritually. One must fight for a life of action, not reaction.”

You see, when we become strictly reactive beings, we lose the argument before it even begins. Many times in relationships, it is the reactions that partners seem to desire most. It seems that it is the reactions that seem to mean that they care for one another, but really it is more manipulation than anything else. When a partner attempts to ‘hit your hot buttons’ it comes from an egoic center to gain control and never from a place of love.

Wayne Dyer said, “How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours.” Meaning that we are responsible for what we do alone. It is how you choose to react, but the bigger truth is the actions of self that are your truth.

3 Ways to Get a Grip on Your Reactive State

“Do attempt to control the horizontal, do not control the vertical, we are in control,” so says the man from the beginning of every Twilight Zone episode from the past, so must you be to your reactive state. It is all a matter of you coming from a place of the Present Moment.

Way 1: Lag Time

Think about reactions. They are so, well, reactive, are they not? They come pouring out seemingly from your very soul before you know it, it seems. But to get a grip,you need to think of lag time.

I view reactions like i view having to give an account to someone for no apparent reason; totally unnecessary.

What do i mean? Well, when someone ask you do to something or go somewhere with them, and you care not to do so, do you give an excuse as to why you can’t, true or not? most have, but here is the beauty of being an adult, you don’t have to. In fact, haven’t you looked at a soul whose ‘No’ and ‘Yes’ alone were enough? It is almost as if you admired their courage just to say no or yes and be done with it. No excuses, no explanations.

That is essentially, Lag Time.the ability to think first and then say no or yes and be done with it. Lag Time is the actual thinking of what was said, and thoughtfully putting words to any thoughts that you then proclaim. A rule of thumb is a seven count, but if you are truly thinking, you need not actually count it. But tale the time anyway.

Way 2: Don’t Allow Guilt or Manipulation to Enter

This is a danger zone for sure, especially if you have not immediately been made to answer as the person, or situation, has demanded from you. I hear this a lot, that some ‘situation’ makes you respond, but unless you are in danger in that moment, most situations have no feeling how you should react or if you should at all. Most ‘situations’ are people-produced and usually ego based.

The key here is to be aware of guilt and manipulation and the effects that it has had on you. Becoming aware is the first step to not allowing guilt in to begin with.

Way 3: Don’t Look Back

This ties into both Way 1 & 2, in that the ego will question us and make us begin to doubt our lack of reactions.

“You have always reacted this way before, why not now?” the ego will say, but here is where the confidence of being a person of action, not reaction, comes in. Make no excuses for who you are and give no explanations, if one is not needed, for you are in control of this Now Moment. You are to Direct Your Power and be the person who others will look to as courageous for your non-reactive state.

Allow the Present Moment to be your place where you are a person of action, not a reactive sort that has no confidence in who they are.

Direct Your Own Life here for only you can.

Until next time…

Be Excellent, Expect the Best!

Let me Know your Thoughts Below, Follow this Blog, and be Social with this Post, for the more people we have living successfully in this Now Moment and discussing the value of doing so, the higher we lift all others around us.

If A Frog Had Wings

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Growing up i was a child of two worlds; A father who was more a Now Moment thinker and a mother who was really a “If a frog had wings” kind of person.

While most would call this a relationship that was one of those ‘opposites attract’ situations, i was not as inclined to see that sort of relationship play out between them.

You could say that i was cured at an early age of the “What If” scenarios that life seemed to bring when i would parrot a “what if” situation my mother was so inclined to dispel. My father would say to me when i would approach him with a ‘what if’ things like, “Son, if a frog had wings, then he would not bump his ass on the ground when he hops.”

My dad was a pithy retort kinda guy and i would often put that statement along side of the little sayings that my grandmother had on her wall like, “I once complained when i had no shoes, then i met a man that had no feet.” They were cute and all, but it was only when i thought with my soul rather than my egoic nature did i begin to see the sense it actually made.

Now, i don’t believe my dad meant it to be so thought-provoking, but used the sayings more as a way to get rid of me for a minute. Let’s just say he had to get more creative as he went along with me as i tended to be a bit more reflective than my siblings, but it was in those moments that i embraced the beginnings of the concept of Now Moment thinking. Even though my dad was torn between two worlds as he tried to appease my mother’s “what if” scenarios, in his moments with me, he seem to reach out as much as he could with the beauty of Present Moment thinking.

The point here is that the ego is a “what if” sort who tries to paint a Ying/Yang pairing of ‘what ifs’ and Now Moments. It as if the ego is saying, “Its OK to be a Now Moment person, but you need the ‘what ifs’ to keep you ‘grounded.’

Now, that is a favorite word of the ‘what if’ crowd; “You gotta stay ‘grounded’ or “Get you head out of the clouds by living in the moment, You need to be grounded.” I am sure you have heard them all as well.

But it is here that we find ourselves at odds with the world if you are so inclined to be living in the Present Moment. The ego loves to play out ‘what if’ scenarios to the point that often times you have no memory of the original thought process that provoked the original ‘what if’ to begin with.

That is the confusion of the ego at its core. To keep you always teetering on confusion so that you depend on it to truly guide you in the circumstances of life. I deal more with the ‘what ifs’ with coaching clients that it seems with any other egoic tendency as most ‘what if’ their lives to a point that it is hard to get to the true core that makes people as they are.

But ‘what ifs’ are to be dealt with if you are desiring an existence that is free of the egoic nature that tends to lead you down dark allys that you don’t deserve to be traveling. It really comes down to the questions you ask more than anything.

At its core, ‘what if’ is nothing more than disguised worry. It desires that you conjure up all scenarios that are usually, by nature, negative in their conception. The ‘what ifs’ are the egos way of telling you that no matter what dire circumstance might happen, it can handle things for you.

So you let it. You give your ego complete and total charge of your company know as ‘You, Inc.’

But the funny thing is, you still assert that you are so ‘in control’ to anyone who will listen. You’re in charge. You are the big cheese.

Yeup, you are your OWN person, that’s for sure.

It is only when you release all the ‘what ifs’ of your life and life truly grounded in this Now Moment will you retain control of ‘You Inc.’

But it is a choice you must make for yourself. I make no judgements as we all are all on our own journey. It is my journey to assist you in Directing Your Power to a place that brings you joy if you so desire, but you must choose.

Choose well.

Until then…

Be Excellent, Expect the Best!

Let me Know your Thoughts Below, Follow this Blog, and be Social with this Post, for the more people we have living successfully in this Now Moment and discussing the value of doing so, the higher we lift all others around us.

Living Joyfully: 3 Ways to Begin the Journey

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In life, as in love, the truth is usually very, very simple. It is the joy that inhabits your soul.

However, having said that, it seems that the joyful journey, for many, seems to be lacking.

Why is it that in a modern world where technology has made us all related to one another as Friends, Followers and Likes, we still seem to be disconnected from our real purpose – Joy.

Has the very act of becoming so intertwined muddled up the joy-train?

Questions i do but ask as we are all on this journey together in joy. But what has come to my attention is that many of my clients seem to be missing this one component called joy. Now, i am not speaking of those momentary joyful moments, but the soulful, deep and resounding joyful experience that moves you to a new place in love and in life. It is this place that we all must recognize that we must embrace fully or decide to allow the ego to have the moments alone and settle for them as the only joy we shall have.

We are better than that, i believe.

First, you may not even know the real essence of joy. So what is it?

In many ways, the dictionary calls it a “state of being” but inadvertently, the correct implication is stated when it is alluded to as a ‘source’.

Joy is, the emotion of great delight or happiness caused by something exceptionally good or satisfying; keen pleasure; elation: She felt the joy of seeing her son’s success.

A source or cause of keen pleasure or delight; something or someone greatly valued or appreciated: Her prose style is a pure joy.

The expression or display of glad feeling; festive gaiety and as a state of happiness or felicity.

These are typical meanings and, yes, we intrinsically know them about joy. But the truth is that few embrace the source of joy, the deep reservoir within us that moves us to that place where ego is not invited, but the truth is that ego cannot go.

You see, true, deep joy is that well well where love springs forth and life becomes one glorious Now Moment after another.

Look back in your own life at moments of joy and ask yourself, “What is the common denominator?” Usually, it is the going outside of yourself in some way. it is why thrill-seekers go to the extreme to find that moment of joy; that loss of control and the letting go of all ego. The true experience of being connected to something greater than themselves. Even if it is but for a split second, they sense it. Often the continued journeys into new and even more outrageous ways to excite is not so much the extreme sport, but the attempt to reach that essence once again, even if but for a moment.

But the real truth is that joy is never garnered from outside, but from within.

As a writer, i found great joy in this quote form another writer, Henry Miller, who said, “Whatever I do is done out of sheer joy; I drop my fruits like a ripe tree. What the general reader or the critic makes of them is not my concern.”

The essence of this quote is as i tell my coaching clients, “It is not your business what other people think of you. Live the life you have imagined and live it it your joy. Only there can you find yourself.”

3 Ways to Begin the Internal Joy Process

This is not a journey for you that would be nice for you to take. It is a journey that you must take. At the heart of the journey is love and from here your life becomes the source for a life that has a new direction

The First Way: Identify the Characteristics of the Joyful Moments You Have had.

Understand the difference form joyful moments and the eternal joy from within. At first this may be difficult, but it needs to be ferreted out. You see, often joyful moments are steeped in the ego. While they may seem to satisfy, they are nothing more than the cotton candy of your life Looks great, taste great, satisfies on many levels, but it seems as soon as it is consumed, the joy has passed, it is forgotten.

However, within the joyful moments, there are characteristics of those moments that are truth, but the ego has so hid them from you that you can’t ascertain them.

The Second Way: Ask Why These Moments Brought You Joy

There is something that the joyful moments have in common, i assure you. The key is to discover the real heart of joy. Ask yourself what was the real reason the moments brought you joy. What emotions did they illicit? What were the activities that you were engages in? Were the joy moments achievement based? Or where the joys contained mostly in a relationship context.

When you identify the moments, you get a real sense of the passion you have for life.

The Third Way: Align the joys with core values and reinvent yourself in the Stream of Joy

This way may seem a bit out there for some but aligning yourself with your joy-source is aligning yourself with life itself. It may be that you are doing something simply for the sake of doing it, not because you get joy from it. Stop doing it, then.

We are all on a journey and that journey is a set period of Now Moments. Live life like you mean it. Live in the joy that every Now Moment brings to you. I guarantee that no one on their death bed looks up with regret at their loved ones and says, “If only i would have spent more time at the office…”

Live in Joy, Live in Love. Be Love.

Until then…

Be Excellent, Expect the Best!

Let me Know your Thoughts Below, Follow this Blog, and be Social with this Post, for the more people we have living successfully in this Now Moment and discussing the value of doing so, the higher we lift all others around us.



Fear, the Ego’s Weapon Against Love – The 2.5 Fear Solution (Part 3)

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Fear and Love can not co-exist on any level together, ever.

This is a pretty bold statement, as i have been told, but it has been my experience that truth is sometimes that which makes you uncomfortable. As most are comfortable in their fears, it is the ‘Why’ that is the real question. Why have you allowed your fears to be so much a part of your existence.

Now, most would admit that fears, or being fearful, is not a state that they desire. But the truth is that their fears do indeed serve them. Their fears are used to bolster and advance the ego in any situation the ego is involved in, and that appears to be most.

Buddha said, “The whole secret of existence is to have no fear. Never fear what will become of you, depend on no one. Only the moment you reject all help are you freed.”

Now one might think that the Buddha was saying that we are to become an island, to a degree, but what he was saying was that fear was really the essence of the ego’s hold on you and, in the grips of fear, you cannot truly progress.

When you detach from the ego’s hold and not allow others to influence your egoic nature, you are free. If you don’t allow fear to suggest a future that does not exist as of yet and just allow yourself to ‘be”, then you are free from the effects that fear has on you. You are truly freed from a life of servitude to the effects of fear.

In our discussion of fear over these last several posts, we have determined that fear is a virus that must be isolated and eradicated for our system, that is us, to continue to operate at peak efficiency.

Really, it all comes down to love. As has been said, fear and love cannot co-exist, but it is funny how the ego uses fear in conjunction with love, is it not?

I had a client who used fear as a love vehicle when she was telling me of the fears she had about her daughter, who was in the midst of a divorce. She feared the ‘future’ for her daughter and her children, the client’s grandchildren. She was fearful of her daughter making bad decisions that would affect the kids.

On the surface, it seems logical, right? But as i delved deeper with her, her fear was not so much about her daughter at all, but how her daughter’s divorce would reflect on her parenting style in some way, as if it had anything to do with it at all. So as much as the ego was telling her that she was fearful about some unwritten future, it was really about the egoic nature of my client and how she would be portrayed.

Now, there is no judgement here at all, but a simple view into the way the ego will take love and use it as fodder for fear and the ego getting its own way.

In our first two steps, we desired that you understand the true nature of fear within you and in step 2, desired that you make a commitment when it came to the fear that has driven your life; a commitment to go through the doors that have stopped you from progressing.

The 2.5 Fear Solution


Step 3. Understanding the True Nature of Love.

As our ever-evolving software continues to discover new ways to deal with the viruses that attack our system, know as “You, inc.”, we look at the core of all systems and that is love.

Now this is certainly the subject of many posts on its own and i am sure we will go there as the Now Moments present themselves, but for this discussion, we will look at love as the ultimate Anti-Virus we could possibly use.

You see, when fear attacks, it is not so much attacking the system as a whole, but seeks to cripple that part of the system that feeds all parts of the system.

To give you an example, if someone told you to break a bunch of dishes on a finely decorated table quickly and efficiently, the best way would be not to go after each individual dish, but instead, pull the table cloth off with all of the dishes at once. The whole system is affected and the system must then be rebuilt.

This is what fear does, at its core. It attempts to take out love as love is the table cloth that holds all aspects of the fine-dining experience together. Once love is infected by fear, then getting to the dishes is a small feat.

But fear is a sly one in that fear is not so overt as to be like a magician who takes out the table cloth in one feel swoop leaving the dishes unattached to one another. No, it often wraps itself in that very love and then gently tears away the cloth a little at a time making you believe that you are operating from a position of love.

You are not. If fear is involved at all, you never are.

So, at the core of Step 3, is to become love in all situations. Examine any fear that may be attempting to wrap itself in love and open your eyes to it. For the instant we feel fear, we have already ceased the connection to love and the truth of love within us, and have begun striving simply for ourselves, for the ego that seeks to control us.

So become the love that is devoid of fear and life will become a place that beauty lives fearless. It is your choice and we are all on our own journey, but living in that journey with a freedom from fear is truly the way life was meant to be lived in every Now Moment.

Understand the Nature of Fear. Make the Commitment to be free of it and Love, for therein lies the keys to a joyful journey.

Until then…

Be Excellent, Expect the Best!

Let me Know your Thoughts Below, Follow this Blog, and be Social with this Post, for the more people we have living successfully in this Now Moment and discussing the value of doing so, the higher we lift all others around us.

The Ego of Fear – The 2.5 Solution (Part 2)

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I love the abc TV show called, the Shark Tank, that broadcasts on Friday’s on the abc Network. If your haven’t seen it, give it a look as it really does embrace the concept of fear in so many ways.

The premise is that you have 5 well-known investors who listen to various product creators as they ‘pitch’ their ideas to these savvy business moguls for a chance to take their ideas to a wider audience with their financial backing.

The very cool aspect of many of the ideas/creations is that they are usually born from a passion of the person(s) who are presenting the ideas and have a sense of purpose and are not simply ‘just to make money’. The ones who are seeking the Shark’s funding are standing before the Sharks with simply a vision of what could be and are asking for monetary assistance and, even more important, mentor-ship to guide the products from creation to a wider market.

The product presenters don’t always get the funding, most don’t, but they are there putting aside their fears for a larger vision. Many of them who don’t get the funding often will get calls from other possible investors after the program airs. Investors that do see their vision and are willing to take a chance on the person with the idea.

The overall concept here, i believe, is that these people embraced their fears, that egoic nature to play it safe and not allow yourself to be hurt. They saw something outside themselves and went for it and disallowed ego and fear to be involved. Instead, they allowed their passion for their idea or concept to triumph over fear.

Why do you think people who find out that they are dying all of a sudden start developing or, at long last, start knocking off the items on their bucket list.

You do know what a bucket list is, right? Simply, all of those things you want to do before you ‘kick the bucket’. If you haven’t got one, start one. If nothing else you will begin to see what fear and the ego are keeping you from.

In the 2.5 Fear Solution mentioned in the last post, we discussed the nature of fear how and it isolates and terrifies you like a bad computer virus. It infects your very soul and, like a computer virus, we often download it quite innocently.

You see, no one goes about downloading fear. However, well-meaning parents who instill fear in their child about every possible harmful element of life and a media and society who scream at you with headline after headline about the dreadful things that will happen to you just for the fact that you are breathing are used by the ego and fear to envelop you in a climate of fear. We have become a culture of fear and it is time to stem the tide.

You see, the ego is like the government. In the USA and in other governments around the world, they try to instill in their citizenry that they, are the only solution for all fear that you might be subjected to and that they must protect you from, well, everything. What fear does, with the ego, is to tell you that you are to live in complete mistrust of everyone and everything. That love no longer matters and that life is a dangerous place.

Well, there is one thing that is true for all of us; we all do not get out of life alive, that much is for sure. But here is the beauty of what fear and the ego do not tell you. Life is a a beautiful place that and that we are to bring every ounce of joy and living to it with a reckless abandon.

There is an old saying that i like that says, ‘if you aren’t living on the edge, you are taking up too much space.’ Ego and fear, or as i like to call them FEego, hate that. They exist to make you normal, what ever that is, and to keep you safe and secure…Whatever THAT means, as well.

The Fear Solution 2.5

In step 1, we were to understand the true nature of fear. From here we shall build our software program, or app, to deal with fear in our lives.

Fear Solution 2.5 Step 2: Make a Commitment to Yourself

Like in the Shark Tank, we should be ready to stand before ourselves and present our ideas so as to go beyond ourselves. You see, in that show, the people may have tons of fear and apprehensions about themselves, at the core, but it is as if once they walk through the big doors into the Shark Tank, they make a commitment at that point as it is too late to turn back.

Maybe you have had many ideas and fear has kept you from exploring them. Your ego has used its best pal, fear, as a way to keep you from advancing.

Here is the challenge; We are expansive creatures. We are the very nature of the Universe itself. It expands as so do we. Believe it or not, it is the truth. It is like gravity. You may not believe in the concept of it, but step off the building and that concept will change in a micro-second.

As is the expression in many a sales environment goes, ‘When you are green you are growing, When you are ripe you are rotten.” Essentially, we are ever-evolving creatures that need to expand our consciousness and our world.

It took Edison over 1500 times with the light bulb to get it right. When someone asked him about why he kept going after ‘failing’ so many times. Edison responded, ‘I didn’t fail 1500 times, i just found 1500 times it didn’t work.’

Thank God for him and Thank God for you. It is time to make a commitment to yourself that fear and ego are no longer part of your existence. Don’t take the pronouncement from a doctor to get your bucket list started.

The Bucket List concept is really the removal of fear and ego, for what is the use of safety and security when we understand there is none. No person, work environment or government can guarantee you anything. Fear is not a factor any longer in your life once you make the commitment to yourself.

In Part 3, we will look at the steps to take to embrace your new found commitment, for here in the weeds lies fear and ego waiting, often disguised as ‘well-meaning’ family and friends.

Until then…

Be Excellent, Expect the Best!

Let me Know your Thoughts Below, Follow this Blog, and be Social with this Post, for the more people we have living successfully in this Now Moment and discussing the value of doing so, the higher we lift all others around us.

The Ego of Fear – The 2.5 Solution (Part 1)


For some reason, at this time of the year, around that Day called Valentines, many movies are released that are, for a lack of a better term, slasher movies.

For some reason, love and being killed and maimed, are somehow interlinked. Insert your own comment here as most have a story of love being like that. But as soon as you have allowed the ego to ‘remind’ you of some relationship gone bad, put away your fears about love and move on.

Now there is no doubt that movies such as these are released for a reason; a subliminal and cynical look at love, i suppose. But i tend to have a different view of it all and a view that tends to the real issue here; the fear of it all in love and in life.

You see, a culture of fear that we now live in, grabs and holds us in the very seat of power that is always the ego. There is no rationalization for not being simply the very best for yourself and for those who inhabit your realm. If you exist in fear, then you take away the power given to you by the universe to become magnificent creatures of pure joy.

The ego is so in charge of the fear solution in your life that there is a very real possibility that you are totally unaware that you have succumbed to this way of life.

Fear, and all associated layers the ego uses to keep you grounded in your Now Moments, is the place you desire deep in the recesses of your heart not to be. But somehow through the media, social interactions and the past that your ego has decided to keep you in, you don’t progress in thought, word or deed.

You merely exist.

What is fear, then? It is “An unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat.” as is described in the dictionary.

The key here that is the basis for the ego; “belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat.”

Really? This is how you desire to take the most magnificent creation of the Universe, the human life-force, and allow some egoic belief that something is LIKELY to cause pain or threat?

What are some of the synonyms for the word, likely, here? They are, probable, plausible, feasible, apt, fit and possible. None of these words that have any certainly attached to them but they are words the ego uses to keep you in a constant state of non-action and in a place of discontent, what many call ‘out of balance.’

The 2.5 Fear Solution

In this era of software updates and beta testing, we have the Fear Solution 2.5. For as does fear and the ego evolve to become this new strain, like a nasty virus in your computer, we become more vigilant with every release of our solutions to rid you of fear and of the egoic nature that holds you back.

The 2.5 Fear Solution is a series of steps that take you from where you are to where you desire to be in a way that dispenses of the egoic nature that holds you in that place in your live where “likely” has become a concrete, unmovable block in your path.

2.5 Step 1: The understanding of the nature of fear

While the ego uses the elements of fear to hold you in a place you often don’t desire to be, you must understand that the beginning of fear within will manifest outside of yourself.

You see, since fear is so intertwined in our lives, it is hard to understand the truth about it as a force in any given situation. It seems the fear of one situation, totally unrelated to another, becomes the rationale to infect the secondary fear.

Here is a very simple example that people use to rationalize what i call, across-the-board fear. I was at a party recently where a lady was talking about her pets. She proceeded to tell her guest that she didn’t like cats because, when she was a young girl, a cat, according to her, attacked her. She said that she didn’t like cats because of that.

Yes, i can see what she means. When i was a young boy, an adult was mean to me as well, therefore i don’t like any adults now. Wait, that was my parent and i am sure i did nothing to instigate that at all. Also, in my primitive, child-like mind, i was a very me-centered creature that was hyper-sensitive to any tonal qualities of someone ‘being mean’ to me.

Do you see how the ego uses an incident to carry into life in general? Understanding the nature of fear really involves taking the situation that is ‘likely’ causing you to not progress and dissecting it like a surgeon to get to the root cause of fear.

Like a computer program, we will take the virus and use our computer code to isolate and eradicate the past hurt or whatever the ego has used to ‘protect’ you from this current-day situation.

And like computer code, we are simply performing the functions of our code without an emotional attachment, if at all possible. The key here is to isolate the virus to rid ourselves from cross-contamination that the virus causes.

However, like a computer virus, fear can cause the whole system to shut down forcing a reinstall.

Sometime that is exactly what we need to do.

In the next post, we will continue with the 2.5 Fear Solution and how to reset your computer to not allow fear to become your living and loving pattern for life.

Until then…

Be Excellent, Expect the Best


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directyourownlife@gmail.comDA Southern is an Author, Speaker, Blogger and a Strategic Life Coach, teaching the spirit of living in Now Moments with the principles he experienced during over 35 years as an actor and director in live theatre. DA coaches his clients to rid life of limiting beliefs that have kept them from achieving miracles in all areas of their life by embracing Mindfulness of the Present Moment with a renewed Vision for life. Contact DA Southern for Coaching or Speaking

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