Commitment: 3 Ways to Live the Idea


Commitment is one of those words that, for whatever the reason, has become nothing more than fodder for the advancement of the ego. Granted, the very word conjures up a prideful look at the core of who we are in everything we do.

Marketers us it to instill a sense of excellence in our minds;

The commitment to detail

We are committed to a relationship

We are committed to success

We are committed to making something work

We are committed to our families

The list goes on and on, does it not? How could we possibly derive any sense of egoic nature here. How could the ego possibly be involved with something so noble, so filled with hopefulness?

Indeed, how could it?

Well, we should look at first the actual meaning and, then, get to the heart of the matter, Commitment as an idea.

The dictionary says of commitment that it is The Act of Committing or the State of Being Committed and it is Dedication; Application. The synonyms for committed are; charge, committal, devoir (chore or task), duty, engagement, guarantee, liability, must, need, ought, pledge, promise, responsibility, undertaking, vow, and word. Some of the Antonyms are; broken promise, denial, and refusal.

Looking over the list, it is extremely easy how the ego turns the very word into ways to get you away from living in the Present Moment and keeps your feet in the past and on a future-only vision that is filled with hope and achievement.

Now at the core, that doesn’t sound wrong but admirable, right?

But let’s look at it this way. We are creatures of joy and the reason we are here is to experience joy and expansion as human creations. We do things that brings us joy and if there is an obligation attached to something, the joy of doing so is diminished. Especially look at the antonyms in the list above and you can see where the ego would come in through the back door to plant a foothold on you. No one wants to break a promise, right?

At the heart of the matter here is the idea that commitment brings. It is, as stated in the definition, a “State of Being” and that is what is missed by many when trying to internalize the word commitment. Commitment, at its core, is that place that you are really comfortable with who you are in whatever it is you do. There is no hierarchy of emotions that are attached to any given even in your life for you are grounded with a sense of purpose for the perfection of Now. You are committed to this Present Moment and are excellent Now.

Lets look at ways to become the very idea of commitment.

3 Ways to Live the Idea of Commitment

Way 1: Understand that at the Heart of Commitment is only What Your Bring to it

You must move away from the concept of the long list of attributes that the ego ties you up in with the very word of commitment and begin to see yourself as a person of quality in this Now Moment alone. No matter how many ‘broken promises’ the ego tries to ties you to, it matters not. You are here and you are a being of excellence. There is only one place any commitment happens and that is Now.

Way 2: Understand that Others Cannot Insist on a Commitment Level from You

This is a trick one in that you are committed to your family, your pursuits, your friends, but here is the key here; YOU are the one committed. When someone decides for you, and you even allow it, you give away your power and the ego either strikes out in different ways or is engaged in the pursuit if getting your power back in the form of over-achieving or whatever else is needed by the ego to advance you. Essentially. you are taken away from being excellent for yourself in this Now Moment and are taken on a journey that is someones journey for you.

Way 3: Understand That There is No Obligation in Commitment

Anything you do for others, you do for yourself. That is why the concept of giving is so very important and that even if you have little to give in a monetary sense, the giving can be time and talents, if nothing else. The point here is that it is never a condition of the head, but always of the heart.

Commitment is an idea of excellence and when the ego subverts it in ways of an obligation, you become entangled in the journey of others and no longer a creature of excellence of though, word and deed in this Present Moment.

Let the past go and any ideas of commitments that may have fallen short. It no longer matters and if someone holds something over your head, that is no longer your business, but it is there journey alone. It is no longer any of your business what others think of you. The only commitment anyone truly has is ti themselves and the ideas of excellence they bring to each Present Moment.

Be that person. Direct Your Power.

Until next time…

Be Excellent, Expect the Best!

Let me Know your Thoughts Below, Follow this Blog, and be Social with this Post, for the more people we have living successfully in this Now Moment and discussing the value of doing so, the higher we lift all others around us.


The Action of Reaction; 3 Ways to Get a Grip

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In the height of any political season reactions are heightened in the media, between people and between ideologies. Now, the premise here is not to choose a side, a ’right’ or ‘wrong’, for most, i have found have an outlook based on upbringing or transformational actions that have happened in their lives.

But the bigger point here is that it seems that reactions to the common everyday nuances of life are heightened. It seems that we become more reactive to every passing news account or video that we see.

Face it, it is reactions that spark debate. It is reactions that are at the core of every reality show. It is reactions that hit you square in the face as you progress through the Now Moments of your day that cause you to react in ways that are not Present Moment peace.

Rita Mae Brown said it beautifully when she said, “A life of reaction is a life of slavery, intellectually and spiritually. One must fight for a life of action, not reaction.”

You see, when we become strictly reactive beings, we lose the argument before it even begins. Many times in relationships, it is the reactions that partners seem to desire most. It seems that it is the reactions that seem to mean that they care for one another, but really it is more manipulation than anything else. When a partner attempts to ‘hit your hot buttons’ it comes from an egoic center to gain control and never from a place of love.

Wayne Dyer said, “How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours.” Meaning that we are responsible for what we do alone. It is how you choose to react, but the bigger truth is the actions of self that are your truth.

3 Ways to Get a Grip on Your Reactive State

“Do attempt to control the horizontal, do not control the vertical, we are in control,” so says the man from the beginning of every Twilight Zone episode from the past, so must you be to your reactive state. It is all a matter of you coming from a place of the Present Moment.

Way 1: Lag Time

Think about reactions. They are so, well, reactive, are they not? They come pouring out seemingly from your very soul before you know it, it seems. But to get a grip,you need to think of lag time.

I view reactions like i view having to give an account to someone for no apparent reason; totally unnecessary.

What do i mean? Well, when someone ask you do to something or go somewhere with them, and you care not to do so, do you give an excuse as to why you can’t, true or not? most have, but here is the beauty of being an adult, you don’t have to. In fact, haven’t you looked at a soul whose ‘No’ and ‘Yes’ alone were enough? It is almost as if you admired their courage just to say no or yes and be done with it. No excuses, no explanations.

That is essentially, Lag Time.the ability to think first and then say no or yes and be done with it. Lag Time is the actual thinking of what was said, and thoughtfully putting words to any thoughts that you then proclaim. A rule of thumb is a seven count, but if you are truly thinking, you need not actually count it. But tale the time anyway.

Way 2: Don’t Allow Guilt or Manipulation to Enter

This is a danger zone for sure, especially if you have not immediately been made to answer as the person, or situation, has demanded from you. I hear this a lot, that some ‘situation’ makes you respond, but unless you are in danger in that moment, most situations have no feeling how you should react or if you should at all. Most ‘situations’ are people-produced and usually ego based.

The key here is to be aware of guilt and manipulation and the effects that it has had on you. Becoming aware is the first step to not allowing guilt in to begin with.

Way 3: Don’t Look Back

This ties into both Way 1 & 2, in that the ego will question us and make us begin to doubt our lack of reactions.

“You have always reacted this way before, why not now?” the ego will say, but here is where the confidence of being a person of action, not reaction, comes in. Make no excuses for who you are and give no explanations, if one is not needed, for you are in control of this Now Moment. You are to Direct Your Power and be the person who others will look to as courageous for your non-reactive state.

Allow the Present Moment to be your place where you are a person of action, not a reactive sort that has no confidence in who they are.

Direct Your Own Life here for only you can.

Until next time…

Be Excellent, Expect the Best!

Let me Know your Thoughts Below, Follow this Blog, and be Social with this Post, for the more people we have living successfully in this Now Moment and discussing the value of doing so, the higher we lift all others around us.

The Power of Assumptions; 3 Questions to Ask

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I love reality shows for the constant show of the human condition that is being displayed. I am not so concerned with any aspect of the actual ‘reality’ of it all, but to study how people react in stressful and compressed situations that often force them to react outside of what are the ways they would normally act.

Well, maybe.

What strikes me in many of the programs, be it a cooking competition, like Top Chef or Hell’s Kitchen, or on Survivor, when people are asked to be in teams or put in a position to assert themselves, they back off for fear that they might become a target.

Or is it because of something else?

You see, we seem to have become a “I don’t want to take the blame for anything” society. Why do you think that is? Is it because we might ‘become a target’ as they say on the reality shows? Or is it because we might fail and, that, the ego tells us, is more devastating than succeeding.

Actually, at its core, it becomes about giving away your power. It is your assumptions about failure, hope and the nature of what your ego and society has determined as to what is success for you, instead of you directing your own life.

So we give our power away to others with our assumptions. It’s like we’re saying, “No, please, YOU take my power. This way I can blame YOU if things don’t work out”. Hope, then, becomes this subtle egoic way that we push off onto others our assumptions and blame. It is just easier to make sure we are not perceived as failing or being too aggressive. We wouldn’t want others to see us as strong for then we might become a target, or people might expect us to always be good.

Have you ever heard statements like these that, on the surface, sound positive to a degree, but are a total allowing of the ego to give your power away.

Statements such as;

“I am not the one in charge here, so there is really nothing I can do.”

“I believe my fate is in God’s hands.”

“They won’t let me.” (the government, rich people, or anyone else who
appears to have more power)

“What is the use of trying? The odds are clearly stacked against me.”

These are assumptions that have no business in your mindset.

What are assumptions?

Assumptions are characterized by the habit of taking for granted that something is true when it is not. Assumptions are a power-grab by the ego, for sure and a re often shielded in the very act of wanting to be helpful but that circumstances just don’t allow you to be as great as you normally are.


One of my coaching clients had so given away her power with assumptions that she governed her very actions by the looks alone that some people gave her. The assumptions that she gave to those looks then governed her actions as to what she did or did not do and her very speech was based on looks alone.

Talk about giving away your power! And the nasty truth here is that assumptions so rob the Present Moment of power because the ego has made such a power grab that you will not even contemplate a Present Moment mindset.

So, there are beginning steps we need to look at to start the process of clearing away debilitating assumptions from you life and it starts with the questions you ask yourself.

3 Questions to Ask to Make Sure Assumptions are not Taking Away Your Power

Question 1: Is My Assumption True or False?

This is a process of stepping away and becoming an outside observer; become an investigator, of sorts. The process here is to take an assumption that you have always held or that you have recently assigned to someone or some situation. You have to detach from the emotions, for there is where the ego lives in assumptions. Like the old TV series, Dragnet, where detective Joe Friday would say, “Just the facts, mam”, you have to get to Just The Facts.

Like my client who assigned looks assumptions, i had her start to journal her assumptions about people and situations. We would then go through each statement to see the factual evidence of each and ferret out the truth.

Do the same for yourself. Become a detective and don’t allow the ego to decide for you in any situation.

Question 2: What Proof or Evidence Do I Have About My Assumption?

This goes to the journal aspect of the assumptions already mentioned. Look at every aspect, a 360 degree look, at the assumption. Are there truths here that are undeniable? The challenge here is to not allow the ego to become involved personally as it will manufacture truths that are not so. “Just the facts, mam.”

Question 3: How Have I Governed My Life Based on Assumptions?

Here is where you take a larger truth learned from journaling about situations and people that you have given your power away through your assumptions and apply it within a larger context.

Generally, what is true in a smaller situation, holds true in a larger context. If you have given power to individuals and situations with assumptions, then, more often than not, these assumptions have had a larger impact on your life than you may have previously known.

Take your power back. Assumptions can lead you astray and the ego will use to control your very actions from one Now Moment to another.

In an upcoming post, we will look at the question, “How Can I Release the Ego from My Assumptions?”

Until then,

Be Excellent, Expect the Best.


Let me Know your Thoughts Below, Follow this Blog, and be Social with this Post, for the more people we have living successfully in this Now Moment and discussing the value of doing so, the higher we lift all others around us.


directyourownlife@gmail.comDA Southern is an Author, Speaker, Blogger and a Strategic Life Coach, teaching the spirit of living in Now Moments with the principles he experienced during over 35 years as an actor and director in live theatre. DA coaches his clients to rid life of limiting beliefs that have kept them from achieving miracles in all areas of their life by embracing Mindfulness of the Present Moment with a renewed Vision for life. Contact DA Southern for Coaching or Speaking

3 Ways to Allow the Ego to Not Determine Your Future Happiness

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“Get your head out of the clouds son and think about your future.” my dad would tell me.

As i now look at the lunacy of that statement as a Present Moment thinker and coach, i have begun to breech the very nature of the future as a place the ego likes to keep us forever tied as a place where it, alone, has the answers of your hopes and dreams.

How could you ever doubt the ego, right? I mean, as long as you are forever looking forward, the very Now of it all is certainly of no concern.

But the trap is set and we have all fallen victim to it, or maybe, are in its clutches in this very Now Moment. The future, that glorious hope that this stinking Now Moment won’t exist. The very device that the ego keeps you from seeing beauty in this Present Moment keeps most from the understanding that when the “future” gets here, what is it really?

It is the Now Moment.

But the ego has a powerful ally in its always endeavor of a future pull; Life and all who participate and tell you as much to begin with.

We are told from as far back as babies that the future is all that matters. Kids are even told as early as kindergarten to choose a career path and encouraged to think of the resources that are needed to get there in the future.


Yes, we all have a destiny within us, that which gives our souls that sense of eternity, but it is a journey of self discovery that should be allowed to manifest in an organic way within each ones own individual journey.

Hollywood movies and accounts of famous people throughout the ages have heralded the journey of those who have “bucked the system” and struck out on their own to find their destiny according to themselves. You see, when you allow others and the ego to always think of the future and what you ‘should’ be doing, this Now Moment becomes unimportant. Essentially, reality can only truly exist then in some future event.

When you say it like that, it sounds ridiculous does it not?

I liken the future as telling someone to ‘try’ and pick up a glass from a counter. They can either pick up the glass or not pick up the glass, you cannot ‘try’ to. That, in essence, is the future. It is always something that is simply a ‘try’ scenario; you are trying to make it something it is not.

Yoda said it best when talking to Luke Skywalker, “Do or do not, there is no try.” You have got to admit that that little green Jedi Master knew what to say, right?

Living in some future reality is the actual living with ‘your head in the clouds.’  The future is not here nor shall it be as the ego designs it for you. Many people fall into the landmines of future happiness in some future relationship, some future perfect job, some future perfect living conditions. This is at the heart of stress and depression for many people; the future not as planned.

Let me give you an analogy here. As a director, i would give people a script at the beginning of rehearsals that defined the parameter of the show. We had the future in our hands, but what brings uniqueness to the future are not the set words written in the script, but the actors that are saying the words, bringing life to them.

As much as we all know as we rehearse the play, the future of how it will end, the performance is as mysterious as any future ever is. Will the actor say all of the words in the script as written? Maybe, maybe not, but one thing is for sure, the only moment we have to make the show flow is to bring the Now Moments we spend on the script to light on Opening Night and beyond.

The ego always has your head in the clouds and it is called the future, and it is not written yet.

3 Ways to Allow the Ego to Not Determine Future Happiness

Step 1: Understand that the past is called that for a reason, it is gone and no longer defines you.

Many fall into the trap of being forever tied to a past comment, emotion or event that is supposed to become their future. While they are tied there, they become then so embroiled within it that the future then becomes this constant embracing of the past, trying to ‘make it right’.

Typical tactic of the ego in that as long as it can keep you in the past or so tied up in the past that you are forever striving to make it a better future, you are forever kept of balance and never fully capable of connecting with the truth that is you.

Many times you see it of people who come from a dysfunctional home environment when they say that they will never be like the environment that they came from. On the surface, that sounds admirable, but when you are so tied to an identity of what you don’t want to become that it is all you do to not become it, you never fully define the truth of who you are in this Now Moment.

Step 2: Release the preconceived ideas and emotions of others about your journey

Hollywood loves making movies about the person in a family who doesn’t desire to go into the family business and seeks out on a journey of self-discovery.

Why do you think that movies such as these speaks to us so deeply?

Because it is in our very core, especially if we have indeed done something that is really counter-intuitive to who we are deep inside. We are on the journey that is ours alone. If it is what your family and does indeed bring you joy, it is in your core, then by all means become your destiny. But when guilt defines your journey, it is the simple act of the ego defining who you are and will always take you from the joy of Now Moments.

Step 3: Understand that this Now Moment is the only future you have.

When you put away the guilt of what others think your journey should be and focus on what it is within you, what brings you joy, then become that journey.

As i don’t subscribe to the concept of regret, as it is merely an egoic way of living in some past that the ego uses to define you current reality, this Now Moment becomes the place to leave it where it belongs; buried and left on its own.

There is a truth in living as a creature of joy and not allowing some future to be as much for you. Like Opening Night, we know the future may exist, but there is no guarantee. It is in the rehearsal in this Now Moment that defines any future Now Moments that might become your reality.

Live them brilliantly for that is the only truth you will ever truly experience

Be Excellent, Expect the Best.


Let me Know your Thoughts Below, Follow this Blog, and be Social with this Post, for the more people we have living successfully in this Now Moment and discussing the value of doing so, the higher we lift all others around us.


directyourownlife@gmail.comDA Southern is an Author, Speaker, Blogger and a Strategic Life Coach, teaching the spirit of living in Now Moments with the principles he experienced during over 35 years as an actor and director in live theatre. DA coaches his clients to rid life of limiting beliefs that have kept them from achieving miracles in all areas of their life by embracing Mindfulness of the Present Moment with a renewed Vision for life. Contact DA Southern for Coaching or Speaking

Anger: The Ego of it All – 3 Ways Out of the Ego’s Hold

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Being a genuine Trekkie from way back, there was something that always seemed to resonate with the hopefulness of Star Trek and Star Wars, as well.

Yes, it was always a classic battle between good and evil, which we seem to need from an egoic sense; always an opponent to vanquish. But inherent in the space battles and the fist-fights that Kirk, Spock and the gang, as well as Luke Skywalker often found themselves in, there was always a sense of hopefulness and a striving for peace that seemed to be the desired outcome.

Anger was never really part of the battle, but the fight usually seemed to be for a future that was bright for all. It was as if the very battle was for the sense of peace that one must find within to live without.

That is the thing about anger that has been the inflection of the last series of posts. Anger, in its base form, is always personal in nature and has dire consequences on the person who holds it within. Yes, it is always outward directed, but, at its core, it is a harmonic imbalance that keeps us forever dependent on the ego to keep us moving forward.

Anger, then is the symbiotic relationship between the ego and that past of the soul that has decided that love is no longer part of the equation. While this is a statement that often has many raising their eyebrows like Mr. Spock, the truth is simply that anger and love cannot coexist with one another.

When i was a kid, i, like many have been, was subjected to punishment “out of love.” I think a telling statement that really brought the significance of that home to me was when, at a conference i was attending, a child psychologist said that what is confusing for a young child is that the very arms that are outstretched to hug become the very arms that do punishment. That young children, then, become confused as to the significance of love vs. anger/hate. The child then becomes an adult and carries into adulthood confusing images of love.

The concept resonated with me. I looked within and determined that it was a serious condition of the heart and of the soul and that it was time to begin the healing of anger in souls desiring to become better than their conditions would indicate.

The more i understand the very nature of anger and how it seeming affects every part of who we are, the more i saw the dominance of the ego right in the middle of it all.

In the last posts where we talked of Anger, Stormy Anger and Unhealthy Anger, there was a common thread that ran through all; The ego.

Like anger, the ego has been built up to be the trait that makes it all happen for us. It is the part of us that makes us alive, so to speak, that gives us the impetus to succeed.

But i am not so sure.

In reading of autobiographies of many famous people, it would seem that they were very ego-driven, but here is where that concept erodes. In the leaders that have ended poorly, the Napoleons of the World, we see that their egos and their anger drove them mad. But the true leaders, the pioneers that changed the world, what often appeared as ego, was often mistaken as passion for what they believed, for the vision they were destined to become.

Even in politics, there are many politicians that enter our awareness, but few States(wo)men, essentially individuals who exhibit great wisdom and ability in directing the affairs of a government or in dealing with important public issues, emerge on the forefront of the public arena.

I am not so cynical as to believe that all politicians are “crooks”, as is the mindset of anger, but that most truly enter for reasons so as to serve. Just like any profession, however, there is an egoic tendency to be influenced by power that sets its course on anger as its base.

Look around for yourself. Notice the individuals who have made the most difference in your life and in the lives of others. Are they not people who had a sense of a Universal Way about them? Do they seem to come from a different place, from a place free of anger and of an ego? I know this to be truth for myself.

So in our discussion, we have subtly made the connection to the ego as we have dealt with the ways to take steps against the anger, but notice that in our various steps, it was that we always came from a place of love. Again, love and anger can not coexist with one another. The ego will shut off the pathways for love when engaged with anger. That is why hugging a child with loving arms and then using the same hands to strike them is a place no one should ever find themselves. The same sentiment undoubtedly goes for being an adult.

I go back to Star Trek and Star Wars. The very teaching of Yoda, the Jedi Master, is that anger, the emotions, the ego, clouds your way as a Jedi.

“Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering.”  Jedi Master, Yoda

Yoda, in his infinite wisdom, was really saying a Universal Truth that resonates to our Galaxy as well. There is no progression of anger that can ever be beneficial to anyone, especially yourself.

3 Ways Out of the Ego’s Way to Anger

Step 1: Understand that Anger is a Personal Journey

As a director, there is a time in the production that you give notes to the actors about their performance to get them to become a cohesive unit for Opening Night. Usually, done in the last week or so of the rehearsal schedule, when the actors have learned their lines for the most part. the notes are the directors view at performances-as-a-whole and done with an eye on tweaking performances of the individual actors. The part of taking notes is that it is never personal for you see not the person, but the actor.

It is the same with anger. You must first take the personal out of it, You must take the egoic hold and detach from it. By doing so, you begin the process of beginning to detach from ego, from the reason that anger exist within you for what ever reason. The significance of this step cannot be denied in that as soon as the personal is detached, the ego, the anger can be dealt with. You are the director taking notes on the production and the anger is an actor. Granted a bad one that really needs to be relegated to backstage, but baby steps here.

Step 2: Once Detached Personally, Mindmap those Affected by the Anger

Again, to continue the analogy of a director taking notes, when you stop and visually graph a look at the insidious ways that the ego is using anger to keep you from progressing in your career or in a relationship, then you can begin to see the bigger picture, the production known as your life, as a whole. This is where you really begin to see the concept of Directing Your Own Life and preparing your Opening Night, your Season of Productions, your Life.

Step 3: Release the Ego on Each Step of The Anger Mindmap

Understand that the egoic tendency is like that of an octopus arms, its tentacles not only wrap you up in each seemingly autonomous appendage, but each has its own little suction cups that are designed to grab you and hold you until you can no longer struggle. This is why each component of the anger you have identified on your mindmap must be dealt with individually. Many times, people think that just looking at an anger trait is enough and fail to realize that the ego assigns different traits to all components in the map.

Dealing with the ego of anger is never an easy proposition, but remember that the first step is to detach personally. This should be the beginning of understanding for the way ego ties you up to truly advance in to be fully present in every Now Moment.

As we look into the ego in the subsequent posts, understand that the journey begins Now and that we are not creatures of guilt or regret here as we go through this process. We are simply releasing ourselves for the journey ahead that is always Now.


Let me Know your Thoughts Below, Follow this Blog, and be Social with this Post, for the more people we have living successfully in this Now Moment and discussing the value of doing so, the higher we lift all others around us.


directyourownlife@gmail.comDA Southern is a Strategic Life Coach, teaching the spirit of living in Now Moments with the principles he experienced during over 35 years as an actor and director in live theatre. DA coaches his clients to rid life of limiting beliefs that have kept them from achieving miracles in all areas of their life by embracing Mindfulness of the Present Moment with a renewed Vision for life. Contact DA Southern for coaching

The 3 Senses of Anger: 3 Ways to Diffuse Stormy Anger


Sense Two: Stormy (vs. calm) Anger

There is a proverb that talks of one living on the roof alone rather than being with a contentious soul in the home. I believe the key word here is “contentious” and its very meaning: Involving heated argument(s).

Of course, the definition is succinct in its meaning in that if it was a simple dialogue between two souls in a non-contentious manner, it would not be heated. Anything heated, from an argument perspective, involves an intensity of thought, mind and deed and seldom is the resolution peaceful to the extent that someone doesn’t go off hurt or even more angry than at the outset.

Stormy Anger is that place that makes us literally sick inside, does it not? Yet, until we come to terms with who we are as Universal Souls, we too, have undoubtedly have Storms within that have transferred outward.

What makes Stormy Anger the most challenging is that when we are often in the midst of it, it “seems” rational and we are even aware of it as it is happening. But it is as if we have committed ourselves to it and must follow it through to the end. It is almost as if the ego will not let you abandon Stormy Anger as it needs it to propel you in a direction that is never really you, but once you have gone there, it becomes you. Often Stormy Anger is a pattern unto itself.

Think of when you were/are around a parent or friend who “goes off” and becomes this “Incredible Hulk” of sorts in certain situations. Doesn’t that make you react differently as you try to ascertain what caused the Stormy Anger to begin with. The very term, “Walking on eggshells” is applied and the idea is to not provoke the Stormy Anger to begin with.

Perhaps the most insidious aspect of Stormy Anger is that the very things we react to and guard against, are not usually the conditions of the Stormy Anger at all. We then become reactive beings instead of loving creatures true to ourselves as individuals.

Understand that Stormy Anger is more often than not, a set of conditions, not the person. The person is just “under the influence” so to speak. That is what makes it so hard to gauge and instead of understanding the conditions that brought the Stormy Anger to the surface, we go out of our way to maintain peace.

But peace, based on the fear of something maybe happening, is never peace. And because of fear, we become reactive beings and not Present in the Moment as fear is always future based.

In the theatre, as a director, it is always funny when you direct a character that has to become angry on stage. Many times, the actors get to the part of “being really angry” and it is almost as if the concept is foreign to them. Often times, their anger is so contrived and comical, it is as if they had never been angry in their lives. It is as if anger is something that others do but certainly not them. I understand the concept, because at the heart of anger is the very understanding that you don’t desire to be in that place. It is as if you are, indeed, possessed by someone outside of yourself.

You are. It is called the ego.

Again look at all of the words that surround anger from the previous post, and it is easy to see why we become so confused with the word itself. It means so many things, elicits so many emotions, and yet it is a catch-all for acting a certain way.

So, what are some of the ways to begin to diffuse Stormy Anger within and in the situations that you are subjected to?

3 Steps to Begin to Diffuse Stormy Anger

Step 1: Embrace the Eye of the Storm

Now, this may seem counter-intuitive at first, but embrace the concept.

Now, i will preface this by saying that the very nature of Stormy Anger may be a danger aspect, so always be intuitive and non-reactive by extricating yourself from a situation that you may deem as such. But always do this in a state of calm, not in a reactive state of fear.

In Coaching clients, when i often encounter a Stormy Anger, or any anger, situation, i get to the Eye of the Storm. In a Hurricane, at the center, there is a calm that is uncanny. It is as if life is in a bubble and the storm will not touch it. Such is anger, especially Stormy Anger.

The fact of Stormy Anger is that, often, you are aware of it, but as i said, you feel committed to it. If you simply allow yourself to briefly rage, and then announce to yourself that you will find the eye of the storm, this may take you momentarily off of the storm itself, away from the ego, and then to the conditions that have caused the storm to begin with.

You see, it is the self-awareness that diffuses the anger many times. Embracing the Eye is allowing your ego to become unimportant and you becoming Present in the Moment.

When others become Stormy, become the calm and do not react. It is almost as if the ego of the Stormy Anger needs to feed on souls in fear. When others begin Stormy Anger, start first by non-reaction and then speaking almost in a whisper to them. It forces them to listen, to stop and to re-focus, often times out of the Stormy Anger.

Step 2: Don’t Allow Anger to Run its Course

Again, counter-intuitive, but the concept here is that you are not going to allow anger to influence or become the bases of any future reaction. It is never an honest emotion and is usually based in fear.

Instead, for yourself and for those you are dealing with in Stormy Anger, the Eye is where you announce that there is no more acceptance of the anger. That there is no conclusion where someone does not get hurt emotionally in some way. This is the place where self-awareness reigns supreme and you take back from the ego that which is yours; The peace of the Now Moment.

Step 3: Deal With the Conditions and Walk Away

We started by saying that it is the conditions of Stormy Anger that must be dealt with, so by taking the personal aspects of anger and dealing only with the conditions, the ego will be more apt to release the anger as it is not being attacked.

Well, maybe.

The ego always desires to be in charge, but the key here is to deal with the conditions and leave the personal out. This will give you a beginning, if nothing else.

The key concept here is, Embracing the Eye. From here all moments become yours. Ultimately you are responsible for yourself. Never allow “being angry” to be an excuse for acting in a contrary way.

It is your journey.

Live as if you have a purpose, for you do.


Let me Know your Thoughts Below, Follow this Blog, and be Social with this Post, for the more people we have living successfully in this Now Moment and discussing the value of doing so, the higher we lift all others around us.


directyourownlife@gmail.comDA Southern is a Strategic Life Coach, teaching the spirit of living in Now Moments with the principles he experienced during over 35 years as an actor and director in live theatre. DA coaches his clients to rid life of limiting beliefs that have kept them from achieving miracles in all areas of their life by embracing Mindfulness of the Present Moment with a renewed Vision for life. Contact DA Southern for coaching

Enlightened Souls And The Enlightened Journey

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Enlightenment is one of those concepts that seems to be a place that many seem to venture carefully. I mean, what is it anyway? Always the image of Buddha comes to mind, meditation and other things “those” people do, but not “average” people, right?

I’ve used humor in my life as a way of shelter me from the storms of life and to get close to people so as to reach into their souls wherein lies enlightenment.

What do i mean? Well, as an actor, i loved comical roles, for one, i seemed pretty good at them because of the very reason that depth of soul is more compelling in making comedy work that drama. When i started directing, It never failed that I would have a lot of people try our for comedic plays because people thought they were more attuned to doing comedic roles. I mean who doesn’t want to laugh, right, and who doesn’t want to make people laugh. It is a way to connect.

But you see, comedy, the best comedy, has a soul about it that really reaches to enlightenment. Think about your favorite comedians. The ones that really make you laugh are the ones that make you think as well. They are, in a sense, enlightened and yet, they understand that they must use comedy to portray that aspect of themselves that thinks on a deeper level, that part of them that really speaks to the human condition.

What, then, is enlightenment?

It is the state of being enlightened, essentially, the attainment of spiritual knowledge or insight. Here is where many fall down. The mere word “Spiritual” in our society elicits such strong emotions, but at the core of spiritual pursuits are seldom a religious dogma. Instead, it is the very act of seeing and desiring to become a vision larger than your ego desires you to be.

Enlightenment, then, is that perennial state of growth and expansion. You should be desiring this state as you journey from this Present Moment into the next.

There is an old sales expression that goes, “When you are green you are growing, when you are ripe you are rotten.” The way it was explained to me by a sales mentor i once had was that many sales people get to a point where they think they have seen every sales situation there is They seem to know everything about sales and people in general. “Usually,” he would tell me, “these people get to a point that they stagnate and become disillusioned with the joy of sales. They blame everyone who they come into contact with, but seldom look at the real reason in the mirror.”

What he was telling me was that they thought they had become enlightened when it came to their profession, but, in reality, they had stopped growing, learning, and appreciating the journey.

They had become “ripe.”

This is a journey you must take, however. Don’t become “ripe” in your situation. Don’t allow the ego to tell you that it has everything under control; that you should just continue on the way you have been, in the rut that seems well traveled, but safe.

Let us journey together as we go deeper into enlightenment and joy, for they are indeed synonymous. In this series of posts, we shall look at ways to become enlightened and live at an exceptional level for, therein, is where life begins and thrives.

Let me know your thoughts below, get on the newsletter list HERE, and be Social with this Post, for the more people we have living successfully in this Now Moment and discussing the value of doing so, the higher we lift all others around us.


directyourownlife@gmail.comDA Southern is a Strategic Personal Development Coach, teaching the spirit of living in Now Moments with the principles he experienced during over 35 years as an actor and director in live theatre. DA coaches his clients to rid life of limiting beliefs that have kept them from achieving miracles in all areas of their life by embracing Mindfulness of the Present Moment with a renewed Vision for life. Contact DA Southern for coaching

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