Madness Has Descended Upon Us – 1 Way Only – Cut it Out!

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In a previous post i wrote of being M.A.D., Manifesting an Abundant Destiny.

Unfortunately, it did not seem to be understood as there is a wave of madness that seems to be sweeping across the globe.

People are so damn angry for all of the externals that seem to be plaguing them. Yesterday, there was even a Twitter hashtag for what makes people mad in general.

What is happening here?

Has the whole world descended into a cycle of madness? I am of the mindset to believe so.

You see, you cannot Manifest an Abundant Destiny if you are angry at life for all of the mistreatment it is seemingly giving you. My father once said to me that “Life does not owe you a living” but it seems that we are of the mindset that it indeed does.

We have raised a culture that seems to think that they are entitled to everything, whenever they damn well feel they want it. Every one desires instant fixes to this and that and instant riches, as was the recent infatuation with the mega lottery as of late.

Many seem to rail against the rich, but it damn well looks as if many desire to be there among them.

Do you know why that is? it is our Universal nature to be expansive and abundant creatures. While many equate that with money, it really goes to the heart of all abundance. it is a condition of the heart that manifest itself on the outside of our life journey.

There is Only One Way

I typically give 3 ways to look at a situation within that makes you think a different way, but i am inclined to break my pattern here as it really comes down to one way alone.

Way 1: The Only Way – Choose Differently and Cut it Out!

Just stop being so damn mad and angry about everything. Stop being railroaded by the media, by friends, by family, by social media, etc, that takes you into the depths of lower consciousness thinking.

You see, anger and being mad calibrates at such a lower level of existence on the consciousness scale that that it is actually a step back from a societal evolution standpoint.

If we continue to buy into the thinking that we are to always comment and add our opinion  to fuel the anger of those involved, then we are simply buying into the thinking that we have some importance.

It is the case of the ego running amuck in society

There is only one way to change it all. Everyone needs to step back, make a decision that they are to add value to the world and CHOOSE to live differently.

Be the agent of change that speaks not to a situation, but to the hearts of those who are within in it. We are all one and when you treat your brother or sister in the journey with a hatred in any way by choosing anger and being generally mad about everything, you are doing so essentially to yourself.

There is only one way.

Choose to be different. From there, all manifesting can then then occur. make a decision to not be so damn angry and mad about everything for the world can truly change one soul at a time.

Be the one that simply talks with a heart of love.

Live free of the emotions that are sought to steer you in a different direction than is your abundant nature. We are free to choose. Choose an Abundant Life through peace, love and joy. From there, all living truly begins.


Spring Has Sprung – 3 Ways to Begin the Renewal Process of Abundance

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Spring is really a state of mind, is it not? I mean, yes, it is a date on the calendar but those kind of things have always made me reflect as to how locked into a certain mindset we have become.

It is as if we cannot enjoy a certain feeling of hopefulness and enthusiasm unless it is a certain time of the year or a special season. Like the Christmas season is a reason to be kinder to your fellow human.

Do you really need a reason? Do you need a reason to feel a sense of life surging through your veins in this Now Moment?

Life Begins When You Do

Yes, the Spring season brings about a renewal in the earth that does give us a sense of our own renewal, at least it should, but it doesn’t happen all at once, although it seems as if suddenly there is green everywhere and the smells of freshness invade your senses that the winter season seems to bury.

3 Ways to Begin the Renewal Process of Abundance

So, with the Spring season there comes an understanding that life is more than what you feel, is it not? It is an explosion of your senses as the freshness of life awakens within you. It is time to think differently and to think more with an eye towards expansion of self and of all that you are to the world.

Way 1: Have and Enjoy Life

What is it that we fail to have and enjoy life in this modern age with all of the so-called enlightenment that seems to be all around us. Never in our history have we been more aware of the way to calm our souls and become a more enlightened species.


But it seems as if with all of this knowledge, we have become more territorial, more prideful, more egocentric in the ways of living in a heightened state of consciousness and more self-absorbed in the ways of pleasure that seems to take us away from the advancement of the human condition.

To have and enjoy life means we are to become fully invested in the living at a higher level with an eye towards the lifting of others along the way.

To have and enjoy life means to shed yourself of shame, guilt, apathy, grief, fear, desire, anger, and pride and to rid yourself of limiting thought patterns that take you away from living fully in this Now Moment.

Way 2: Live Abundance in All Ways

Many are under the delusion that once you have a lot of money, you then have an abundant mindset. As i said, it is a delusion in that it first begins in your mind. Napoleon Hill said that whatever the mind of man can conceive, it can believe. Meaning that we are first within before it manifest without.

If we fail to have a wealth consciousness, then what ever perceived wealth we receive will quickly vanish as it was never part of who we were in the first place. It is the reason so many lottery winners are broke within a short period of time as they never believed themselves wealthy.

Money does not equate to wealth, but a wealthy mindset always equates to money.Get it? It is the same in all areas of your life. Think yourself abundant in all ways first within and the abundance will manifest in your surroundings in ways that most will call “luck”.

It is not. It is just the way you roll when it comes to abundant living.

Way 3: Allow Your Abundance to Overflow

This is the truth in all living…Let it overflow. Hold Nothing Back!

When you truly allow yourself to manifest with an abundant heart towards all things, you can’t help but to experience a truth of life. That when you begin to live abundantly in an overflowing nature, life explodes in ways you could never imagine.

Give it away and you will receive back in ways that will make your manifesting nature pale in comparison to what you may have been used to. When you live in such a way that manifesting from within becomes second nature, you will get a sense of the “overflowing” nature of abundance. It is the nectar to the soul that produces a garden of abundance that leave a sweetness to everything you touch.

Overflow and live the life you have imagined for when you do, the world will rise to meet you in the most uncommon of circumstances.

Be a Person of Quality. Direct Your Power.

Until then…

Be Excellent, Expect the Best!

Let me Know your Thoughts Below, Follow this Blog, and be Social with this Post, for the more people we have living successfully in this Now Moment and discussing the value of doing so, the higher we lift all others around us.


dasouthern@directyourpower.comDA Southern is an Author, Speaker, Blogger and a Personal Development Life Coach, teaching the spirit of living in Now Moments with the principles he experienced during over 35 years as an actor and director in live theatre. DA coaches his clients to rid life of limiting beliefs that have kept them from achieving miracles in all areas of their life by embracing Mindfulness of the Present Moment with a renewed Vision for life. Contact DA Southern for Coaching or Speaking @

3 Ways To Not Allow Life Roles To Define Your True Self

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The journey of anger and the ego are so intertwined that it seems as if we can’t function without either of them and they often are wrapped up in who we are as individuals.

“Anger is good to release every now and then so you don’t have an ulcer”, my dad used to say and the ego, well, the ego… It is taught so fervently in today’s educational arena that it almost seems as if we have negated the very principles of reading, writing and arithmetic for that important concept of self-worth.

Now, here is where it gets tricky, as i have discovered with many of the coaching clients that i serve. The idea of self is so wrapped up in what we do, that it is clear that the very aspect of who we are has been lost in many instances.

What do i mean?

Well, when someone asks you, “Who are you?” Most will say, i am an electrician, a banker, a business owner, a mother, a wife…you get the picture.

Are not those roles that we have assumed in life? Do they define the Universal You? How Does Anger keep you trapped in those roles sometimes?

This is the reason when someone “retires” (a concept i find abhorrent) they often lose themselves in the nothingness of their Now existence. Studies have shown that men, who so often identify themselves with their career, often pass away within the first two years of retiring. It is only when they become invested in another career path, of sorts, and redefine themselves, do they find a new life in their later years.

Anger plays such a role here that many don’t even understand that at the root of depression of role-identification is anger hiding in the form of non-appreciation for ‘all that i have done for my loved ones, for the world.”

For example, i am a writer, a coach, an author, but i am not really those things. I am simply performing an outreach of my current state of mind, of that place in my soul where i desire to serve. Now, i certainly understand identifying so closely with that aspect of who you are that it becomes all that you are. In fact, when i went through a spiritual growth, i had to step away from the role of director as i began to see how the ego had consumed me within it.

I was no longer a Universal being but simply a director. It was only when i decided to see the beauty of the art form as a way to serve the greater good, from a cultural standpoint, instead of being simply a director of the current production, did i expand my vision. I ceased being a director and became one who served the greater cultural good in many other endeavors.

3 Ways to Allow the True You to Become More Than a Role You Play

Step 1: There are No Regrets

First, understand that there is a perfection to the Universe, the Universe makes no mistakes. Now this is a very difficult concept for many to get their head around. First of all, something only becomes a mistake in the concept of circumstances. If something you did didn’t turn out as well as you desired, then does it not then become a “mistake?” Had it gone slightly different, it would have been considered a success by the ego, therefore by you.

Again, who defines the rules of the game here? The ego, of course, but here is the challenge. The game is played on sand and underneath the sand is a raging earthquake. By defining yourself in roles or always identifying yourself as ‘right’ or “wrong”, “good and “bad” the ego keeps you always in check. Things just are and we are but to learn from them.

Einstein said, “Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow.”

This from the person who unlocked the very secrets of the universe. Do you think if he regretted every failed equation, he would have defined the concepts we now understand?

Step 2: Understand the Roles you play and look at the core concepts that make you who you are within them.

Again, keep away from defining yourself as this or that, you DO this or that, but you are not these things. I suppose the best way to describe it is by watching your favorite actor or even sports star. A good performer will always make you forget that it is that person playing the part but that they become the part they are playing.

The great actor, Sir Lawrence Olivier said, “The actor should be able to create the universe in the palm of his hand.” He is correct and we are all but players here. Don’t get lost in the role, but instead, look at the values and traits you bring to the role. The goodness of who you are within that makes those roles so dynamic to begin with.

Step 3: BEE the B!

I am often asked to coach students and there is a little acronym that has served me to illustrate a point about being excellent, exactly as who you are.

I love to tell of the scientific data that states that the humble bee can not fly. That’s right. Its little body is much to big for its wings. Then there is the fact that the poor bees are not aerodynamic at all, poor little guys.

But here is the challenge for the bees, or rather for the all-knowing scientific community; the bee has no ego telling them, or anyone else telling them, that they can’t fly. They just do it anyway!

The bees are not defined by what others have set forth as their role, they just are bees. So, the BEE the B is an acronym for, Be Excellent, Expect the Best, and this is a simple guide that you can think of whenever you see the humble bee.

If you are simply in the Present Moment just being the best you you can be, not a role, but you, then this is your excellence.

Allow not your ego to define you or the roles you play, but always Expect the Best from the world around you. For it is only in the positive expectation of life and with an attitude of gratitude can you see the Universe for what it is and for who you are within it.


Let me Know your Thoughts Below, Follow this Blog, and be Social with this Post, for the more people we have living successfully in this Now Moment and discussing the value of doing so, the higher we lift all others around us.


directyourownlife@gmail.comDA Southern is a Strategic Life Coach, teaching the spirit of living in Now Moments with the principles he experienced during over 35 years as an actor and director in live theatre. DA coaches his clients to rid life of limiting beliefs that have kept them from achieving miracles in all areas of their life by embracing Mindfulness of the Present Moment with a renewed Vision for life. Contact DA Southern for coaching

3 Ways to Go Beyond the Ego to Your Destiny


When i was a kid, one of the first awards i remember receiving as a writer, was when i wrote an essay about the virtues of drinking Coke for the local Coca-Cola Distributor in my town.

The Distributor held the writing contest to inspire young drinkers of Coke to become life-long drinkers of Coke, i suppose, but the prize was legitimate in that it was only to be a single winner at each age range. So, i wrote it and won my division, but you know what the prize was? Beside the obligatory certificate saying i was a first place winner, i received a whole case of Coke for my very own. It was a grand prize indeed, especially as a kid eleven years young, or so.

But here was the kicker, after winning my glorious case of Coke, i was immediately informed of having to share the case of Coke with my siblings, who contributed nothing…nada…zilch to the winning of the case of Coke.

Suffice it to say, for an eleven year young lad, sharing my booty of that, fine dark liquid was not part of winning. Anger and frustration was the word of the day. But i suppose what was more telling was the reason my mother gave me.

It was selfish for me not to share.

No real reason other than that and no discussion. I was told simply to do it and not to be so selfish. Now, would i have probably shared with my siblings? Yes, as my sister and i had a pretty good relationship and my brother would have given me some little prized trinket i so desire from his stash in return. But being so compelled to do so with the word “selfish” attached to the incident was devastating for many years in that the ego attached many layers to the incident over time.

Words such as anger, frustration and selfishness then become fodder for the ego to protect you by using the words to rid you of so-called enemies in life. The ego then desires to make sure that those feelings are not used by others ever again to hurt you.

Now here is the thing; the ego uses all instances in life to encase you in a shell that becomes so convoluted that it feels right to allow it to protect and serve. The ego is your mighty protector and, as has been discussed on our series on anger, uses anger and other feelings to push you forward and strains all relationships along the way that impede that progress.

But along the way, the feelings such as anger, frustration, self-doubt and, even love, become nothing more that a power-grab by the ego to control you. We are even in a culture that honors the ego as a way to be all we can be. We honor achievement as an expression of the ego and we have created a culture of me-ism that is afflicting our very core.

Now, don’t get me wrong, success in one’s profession is honorable and admired. It is the egoic tendency of the “scorched-earth” policy of success-at-whatever-cost that the ego tends to use to blur the difference between the two before our very eyes that is devastating.

We are all endowed by our creator with a talent that far outshines the ego and here is where we need to make the distinction. The ego controls, manipulates, coerces and demands an allegiance to the future, with deep roots in the past. The ego demands that all others be taken out, metaphorically, and that it is always front and center.

Our passion, the desire within us to create that the Universe gives each soul, is completely non-egoic in nature. It must create and do so because it is the very nature of our souls to expand, such as does the Universe. When the ego steps in and tries to control that which is your desire, it is as if you sense that something is “off” and you are no longer in control.

This is the reason people become angry and frustrated with life; they are not cast in the right role and their heart is just not in the play anymore.

I understand this very feeling as a director as the very nature of acting and directing can be extremely egoic. It is the very nature of actors to want to be in the spotlight for their talent, they want to be told they are/were good. The ego demands satisfaction. But when you step back and look  at the nature of performing as a whole, as to the affect you can have on bringing a sense of humanity to people through the art, then the ego becomes non-existent. You become larger and more expansive than the ego can fathom. You become the destiny that you were called for.

3 Ways to Go Beyond the Ego to Your Destiny

Step 1: What Did You Desire To Be As A Kid?

Now, while it is a clever ploy the ego uses by keeping you tied to the past, you only inquire this of yourself so as to see that Universal desire within. It matters not so much but for the general idea.

Was it a cowboy, an astronaut, a famous movie star?

It more goes to the desires behind the intent. What are the characteristics that the desire provoked. You will find that the ego has used those maybe to propel you, but it was been my experience as a Life Coach that the latent desires are usually insulated for the egos reach and that the truth of who you are is never-changing.

Step 2: Identify the traits you are now using in your current position.

It doesn’t really matter what you are doing, even if it is no where close to what you believe is your destiny. There are traits of your desire, even if the ego thinks them non-sensible, that you are using. Just look inward and tell the ego to take a lunch break if you have not fired him/her form your company known as “You, Inc.”

The key here is to make no judgement on your usage or non-usage of an identified trait. Just identify it and accept it as who you are.

I can guarantee that if you are not using your destiny traits in your position in some way, that there is a pretty good chance you have a hobby that you have thrown yourself into that does.

Step 3: Look at the intent of your Desire Traits and imagine how you could incorporate them into this Present Moment going forward.

As i have said before, in the preparation of a theatrical play, the objective is always to get to Opening Night. As a director, it is never the intent to tell an actor to save some future performance or the emotion of their performance for Opening Night, but it is in the rehearsals that we find our voice. The play always happens in this Now Moment.

We are ever evolving into an Opening Night or a series of Opening Nights that make up the Theatrical Season that is our life. This is the moment that your desire must manifest. Start to allow your Destiny Traits to manifest in this Now Moment, for here is where all future begins.


Let me Know your Thoughts Below, Follow this Blog, and be Social with this Post, for the more people we have living successfully in this Now Moment and discussing the value of doing so, the higher we lift all others around us.


directyourownlife@gmail.comDA Southern is a Strategic Life Coach, teaching the spirit of living in Now Moments with the principles he experienced during over 35 years as an actor and director in live theatre. DA coaches his clients to rid life of limiting beliefs that have kept them from achieving miracles in all areas of their life by embracing Mindfulness of the Present Moment with a renewed Vision for life. Contact DA Southern for coaching

Anger: The Ego of it All – 3 Ways Out of the Ego’s Hold

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Being a genuine Trekkie from way back, there was something that always seemed to resonate with the hopefulness of Star Trek and Star Wars, as well.

Yes, it was always a classic battle between good and evil, which we seem to need from an egoic sense; always an opponent to vanquish. But inherent in the space battles and the fist-fights that Kirk, Spock and the gang, as well as Luke Skywalker often found themselves in, there was always a sense of hopefulness and a striving for peace that seemed to be the desired outcome.

Anger was never really part of the battle, but the fight usually seemed to be for a future that was bright for all. It was as if the very battle was for the sense of peace that one must find within to live without.

That is the thing about anger that has been the inflection of the last series of posts. Anger, in its base form, is always personal in nature and has dire consequences on the person who holds it within. Yes, it is always outward directed, but, at its core, it is a harmonic imbalance that keeps us forever dependent on the ego to keep us moving forward.

Anger, then is the symbiotic relationship between the ego and that past of the soul that has decided that love is no longer part of the equation. While this is a statement that often has many raising their eyebrows like Mr. Spock, the truth is simply that anger and love cannot coexist with one another.

When i was a kid, i, like many have been, was subjected to punishment “out of love.” I think a telling statement that really brought the significance of that home to me was when, at a conference i was attending, a child psychologist said that what is confusing for a young child is that the very arms that are outstretched to hug become the very arms that do punishment. That young children, then, become confused as to the significance of love vs. anger/hate. The child then becomes an adult and carries into adulthood confusing images of love.

The concept resonated with me. I looked within and determined that it was a serious condition of the heart and of the soul and that it was time to begin the healing of anger in souls desiring to become better than their conditions would indicate.

The more i understand the very nature of anger and how it seeming affects every part of who we are, the more i saw the dominance of the ego right in the middle of it all.

In the last posts where we talked of Anger, Stormy Anger and Unhealthy Anger, there was a common thread that ran through all; The ego.

Like anger, the ego has been built up to be the trait that makes it all happen for us. It is the part of us that makes us alive, so to speak, that gives us the impetus to succeed.

But i am not so sure.

In reading of autobiographies of many famous people, it would seem that they were very ego-driven, but here is where that concept erodes. In the leaders that have ended poorly, the Napoleons of the World, we see that their egos and their anger drove them mad. But the true leaders, the pioneers that changed the world, what often appeared as ego, was often mistaken as passion for what they believed, for the vision they were destined to become.

Even in politics, there are many politicians that enter our awareness, but few States(wo)men, essentially individuals who exhibit great wisdom and ability in directing the affairs of a government or in dealing with important public issues, emerge on the forefront of the public arena.

I am not so cynical as to believe that all politicians are “crooks”, as is the mindset of anger, but that most truly enter for reasons so as to serve. Just like any profession, however, there is an egoic tendency to be influenced by power that sets its course on anger as its base.

Look around for yourself. Notice the individuals who have made the most difference in your life and in the lives of others. Are they not people who had a sense of a Universal Way about them? Do they seem to come from a different place, from a place free of anger and of an ego? I know this to be truth for myself.

So in our discussion, we have subtly made the connection to the ego as we have dealt with the ways to take steps against the anger, but notice that in our various steps, it was that we always came from a place of love. Again, love and anger can not coexist with one another. The ego will shut off the pathways for love when engaged with anger. That is why hugging a child with loving arms and then using the same hands to strike them is a place no one should ever find themselves. The same sentiment undoubtedly goes for being an adult.

I go back to Star Trek and Star Wars. The very teaching of Yoda, the Jedi Master, is that anger, the emotions, the ego, clouds your way as a Jedi.

“Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering.”  Jedi Master, Yoda

Yoda, in his infinite wisdom, was really saying a Universal Truth that resonates to our Galaxy as well. There is no progression of anger that can ever be beneficial to anyone, especially yourself.

3 Ways Out of the Ego’s Way to Anger

Step 1: Understand that Anger is a Personal Journey

As a director, there is a time in the production that you give notes to the actors about their performance to get them to become a cohesive unit for Opening Night. Usually, done in the last week or so of the rehearsal schedule, when the actors have learned their lines for the most part. the notes are the directors view at performances-as-a-whole and done with an eye on tweaking performances of the individual actors. The part of taking notes is that it is never personal for you see not the person, but the actor.

It is the same with anger. You must first take the personal out of it, You must take the egoic hold and detach from it. By doing so, you begin the process of beginning to detach from ego, from the reason that anger exist within you for what ever reason. The significance of this step cannot be denied in that as soon as the personal is detached, the ego, the anger can be dealt with. You are the director taking notes on the production and the anger is an actor. Granted a bad one that really needs to be relegated to backstage, but baby steps here.

Step 2: Once Detached Personally, Mindmap those Affected by the Anger

Again, to continue the analogy of a director taking notes, when you stop and visually graph a look at the insidious ways that the ego is using anger to keep you from progressing in your career or in a relationship, then you can begin to see the bigger picture, the production known as your life, as a whole. This is where you really begin to see the concept of Directing Your Own Life and preparing your Opening Night, your Season of Productions, your Life.

Step 3: Release the Ego on Each Step of The Anger Mindmap

Understand that the egoic tendency is like that of an octopus arms, its tentacles not only wrap you up in each seemingly autonomous appendage, but each has its own little suction cups that are designed to grab you and hold you until you can no longer struggle. This is why each component of the anger you have identified on your mindmap must be dealt with individually. Many times, people think that just looking at an anger trait is enough and fail to realize that the ego assigns different traits to all components in the map.

Dealing with the ego of anger is never an easy proposition, but remember that the first step is to detach personally. This should be the beginning of understanding for the way ego ties you up to truly advance in to be fully present in every Now Moment.

As we look into the ego in the subsequent posts, understand that the journey begins Now and that we are not creatures of guilt or regret here as we go through this process. We are simply releasing ourselves for the journey ahead that is always Now.


Let me Know your Thoughts Below, Follow this Blog, and be Social with this Post, for the more people we have living successfully in this Now Moment and discussing the value of doing so, the higher we lift all others around us.


directyourownlife@gmail.comDA Southern is a Strategic Life Coach, teaching the spirit of living in Now Moments with the principles he experienced during over 35 years as an actor and director in live theatre. DA coaches his clients to rid life of limiting beliefs that have kept them from achieving miracles in all areas of their life by embracing Mindfulness of the Present Moment with a renewed Vision for life. Contact DA Southern for coaching

The Senses of Anger: Unhealthy Anger, 3 Ways to Turn it Around

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Sense Three: Unhealthy Anger (vs. Healthy)

In the old TV program, Lost in Space, the beleaguered robot always knew when Will Robinson was in danger and would sound the clarion call of “Danger, Will Robinson” that was, and is to this day still, a catch phrase that signals trouble ahead.

Like Will Robinson usually did, we, too, seem to ignore the danger signs of anger that is causing us to run aground on the sometimes rocky shores of life.

The thing about Unhealthy Anger is that it seldom just happens. As we have seen in the previous two senses of Anger and Stormy Anger, there seems to be definite traits that lead us to those places in anger and, in many ways, can be turned around with a thoughtful embrace of the principles that were talked of in a previous post.

But Unhealthy Anger is just that; Unhealthy.

Unhealthy Anger has many of the traits of Stormy Anger, but where they are different is really in the overall personalities that are from the Anger-givers. It has been my observation as a Life Coach that when clients come in a Stormy Anger state-of-mind that underneath, they are just happy people waiting to get out. As was stated in the last post, Stormy Anger seems to have at its base, conditions that seem to have caused an out-of-control state that the Stormy Anger is reacting to.

Many times Unhealthy Anger is more relationship based, it seems and exhibits many of the traits of Stormy Anger, but the Unhealthy Anger is more of a continual state of mind.

Now, i preface this discussion going froward as one coming from experience as a Life Coach and not as a trained psychologist. So if you know someone in the grips if Unhealthy Anger and they seem to be beyond a calm and loving approach, please take steps to get them the professional help needed.

It is been my experience that Unhealthy Anger has, at its core, a rage that sometimes makes no sense to those who are at the receiving end of it. Its one of those, “i did not even see that coming” kind of experiences because Unhealthy Anger is always looking for an excuse to be angry. The ego of those in an Unhealthy Anger state-of-mind will forever be there until that power is taken back from the ego-centric mind that inhabits the Unhealthy Anger.

Whereas Stormy Anger seems to have more conditions attached to it, Unhealthy Anger seems to have its roots in relationships to a greater degree. It is more of the “seething rage” that is based in the ego’s attempt to protect you from life but has become so convoluted that the actions no longer really have a sense of continuity to them.

The traits of screaming and yelling, physical expressions of anger, violence or threats of violence, sulking, manipulation, emotional blackmail, silent smoldering, and anger used to punish are proudly on display in Unhealthy Anger.

However, these traits are so deviously used by the ego, and sometimes with such joy, that the Unhealthy Anger doesn’t even seem like anger. This is why so many times, the person that is in the state of Unhealthy Anger, is so often discounted that when something so extreme happens, it seems it that it comes from far, far left field.

I had a client that i was once coaching, a more mature lady, who seemed so soft-spoken that one never would suspect that she was filled with Unhealthy Anger. Where her anger came from was that she had allowed others to decide most courses of action for her life.

She had given control over to others because she was so in the grips of “wanting to please” others that she was afraid to make a “wrong” decision and was concerned with what others thought of her every action; literally EVERY action.

The Unhealthy Anger subtly manifested with sulking, rage and a silent smoldering that was based in shame, but for what she did not know. “It seems,” she would tell me, “that i am out of control but don’t know why.” One thing she did know was that she was spiraling downward and had major life decisions to make but was angry and afraid to be “wrong.”

One trait of Unhealthy Anger i have noticed is that the person in the grips of this anger has seemingly lost a sense of self. The relationships that surround them have often become so toxic because of the anger, that it is difficult to see any light at the end of the tunnel.

Years spend as a director, i noticed that when people brought their frustrations and anger into the play rehearsal, it affected their overall performance. I would usually begin the rehearsal telling the actors and crew that life is a bubble and that here in the rehearsal hall, we are presenting a bubble unaffected by the outside. We are here to bring a creative interlude to the lives of our ultimate audience; an escape for a few hours. Isn’t that the very thrust of why we lose ourselves in TV and movies to begin with? To “tune out” for just a bit?

It is the same approach we are to take with Unhealthy Anger.

Create the bubble first.

3 Ways to Approach Unhealthy Anger

Step 1: Isolate

As a director, I had to detach to a degree from the individuals as friends who had the various roles and look at the total production. All of the moving parts were what mattered here and each played a role within it.

As with Unhealthy Anger, all of the elements that make the anger manifest are what is need to be dealt with. Sometimes, if you are close to the person, it is difficult to separate, but you need to isolate yourself and become a director, of sorts. Also, there is an isolation of the Unhealthy Anger as well. If you need a Life Coach at this point, the so be it, but at the heart of Unhealthy Anger is an egoic tendency that needs to be rooted out. So, at the very outset, the Unhealthy Anger is the target, not the person. The person is merely the vessel.

Like with my client who felt out of control, we isolated the root cause of her anger was that she had given over her life to having to be accepted by everyone. When i told her that it was none of her business what others thought of her, and she finally got it, she began to reclaim her life one Now Moment at a time.

Step 2: Direct

This is the crucial element of dealing with Unhealthy Anger; Direct it away.

After you have isolated the elements, the players of the anger, it is now time to see how the ego has affected each one. Many times Unhealthy Anger plays out on the surface but like the iceberg that sank the Titanic, the mass underneath is what is causing all of the damage. As a Director, you must get beneath in an impartial way knowing that the ego has been masking the anger very, very well. Once you have identified the anger sources, you must direct each part.

As a Director, yes you have actors who are the leads, but understand that all actors in the show get the same attention to detail as far as direction goes. The play, such as is life, is great to every level. As a coach i tell my clients that is not the details of life that matter, but the details of the details that make it all worth the ride.

Step 3: Close the Show and Start A New Production

In a sense here we are opening and closing on the same night. Doesn’t seem fair, but this is Unhealthy Anger here. It doesn’t deserve a long run. Quite frankly, it probably already has had its long run. What we are doing here is impressing upon the person where the Unhealthy Anger was residing that we are essentially ridding ourselves of all of the parts that were not working, we are doing away with the causes of the egoic mindset that was causing the Unhealthy Anger and closing the production down.

When you detach the anger in parts, it becomes a bit easier to do. Now, know that this may be a process but one that is worth the journey. What is important in this process is that we are making this as impersonal as possible for it is the anger, not the soul, that we wish to destroy.

Yes, Anger needs to be destroyed. it has no place in lives.

Trust me, i have heard it all before, “How can you not be angry, it is unhealthy.”

Really? Never heard a lot of news accounts of joyful people going off on others and committing inhumane acts of violence.

The ultimate journey is joy and anger is not to be a part of it. Isolate and Direct the Unhealthy Anger away and reopen in a Joyful State of Mind for here is where true living plays out.


Let me Know your Thoughts Below, Follow this Blog, and be Social with this Post, for the more people we have living successfully in this Now Moment and discussing the value of doing so, the higher we lift all others around us.


directyourownlife@gmail.comDA Southern is a Strategic Life Coach, teaching the spirit of living in Now Moments with the principles he experienced during over 35 years as an actor and director in live theatre. DA coaches his clients to rid life of limiting beliefs that have kept them from achieving miracles in all areas of their life by embracing Mindfulness of the Present Moment with a renewed Vision for life. Contact DA Southern for coaching



The 3 Senses of Anger: 3 Ways to Diffuse Stormy Anger


Sense Two: Stormy (vs. calm) Anger

There is a proverb that talks of one living on the roof alone rather than being with a contentious soul in the home. I believe the key word here is “contentious” and its very meaning: Involving heated argument(s).

Of course, the definition is succinct in its meaning in that if it was a simple dialogue between two souls in a non-contentious manner, it would not be heated. Anything heated, from an argument perspective, involves an intensity of thought, mind and deed and seldom is the resolution peaceful to the extent that someone doesn’t go off hurt or even more angry than at the outset.

Stormy Anger is that place that makes us literally sick inside, does it not? Yet, until we come to terms with who we are as Universal Souls, we too, have undoubtedly have Storms within that have transferred outward.

What makes Stormy Anger the most challenging is that when we are often in the midst of it, it “seems” rational and we are even aware of it as it is happening. But it is as if we have committed ourselves to it and must follow it through to the end. It is almost as if the ego will not let you abandon Stormy Anger as it needs it to propel you in a direction that is never really you, but once you have gone there, it becomes you. Often Stormy Anger is a pattern unto itself.

Think of when you were/are around a parent or friend who “goes off” and becomes this “Incredible Hulk” of sorts in certain situations. Doesn’t that make you react differently as you try to ascertain what caused the Stormy Anger to begin with. The very term, “Walking on eggshells” is applied and the idea is to not provoke the Stormy Anger to begin with.

Perhaps the most insidious aspect of Stormy Anger is that the very things we react to and guard against, are not usually the conditions of the Stormy Anger at all. We then become reactive beings instead of loving creatures true to ourselves as individuals.

Understand that Stormy Anger is more often than not, a set of conditions, not the person. The person is just “under the influence” so to speak. That is what makes it so hard to gauge and instead of understanding the conditions that brought the Stormy Anger to the surface, we go out of our way to maintain peace.

But peace, based on the fear of something maybe happening, is never peace. And because of fear, we become reactive beings and not Present in the Moment as fear is always future based.

In the theatre, as a director, it is always funny when you direct a character that has to become angry on stage. Many times, the actors get to the part of “being really angry” and it is almost as if the concept is foreign to them. Often times, their anger is so contrived and comical, it is as if they had never been angry in their lives. It is as if anger is something that others do but certainly not them. I understand the concept, because at the heart of anger is the very understanding that you don’t desire to be in that place. It is as if you are, indeed, possessed by someone outside of yourself.

You are. It is called the ego.

Again look at all of the words that surround anger from the previous post, and it is easy to see why we become so confused with the word itself. It means so many things, elicits so many emotions, and yet it is a catch-all for acting a certain way.

So, what are some of the ways to begin to diffuse Stormy Anger within and in the situations that you are subjected to?

3 Steps to Begin to Diffuse Stormy Anger

Step 1: Embrace the Eye of the Storm

Now, this may seem counter-intuitive at first, but embrace the concept.

Now, i will preface this by saying that the very nature of Stormy Anger may be a danger aspect, so always be intuitive and non-reactive by extricating yourself from a situation that you may deem as such. But always do this in a state of calm, not in a reactive state of fear.

In Coaching clients, when i often encounter a Stormy Anger, or any anger, situation, i get to the Eye of the Storm. In a Hurricane, at the center, there is a calm that is uncanny. It is as if life is in a bubble and the storm will not touch it. Such is anger, especially Stormy Anger.

The fact of Stormy Anger is that, often, you are aware of it, but as i said, you feel committed to it. If you simply allow yourself to briefly rage, and then announce to yourself that you will find the eye of the storm, this may take you momentarily off of the storm itself, away from the ego, and then to the conditions that have caused the storm to begin with.

You see, it is the self-awareness that diffuses the anger many times. Embracing the Eye is allowing your ego to become unimportant and you becoming Present in the Moment.

When others become Stormy, become the calm and do not react. It is almost as if the ego of the Stormy Anger needs to feed on souls in fear. When others begin Stormy Anger, start first by non-reaction and then speaking almost in a whisper to them. It forces them to listen, to stop and to re-focus, often times out of the Stormy Anger.

Step 2: Don’t Allow Anger to Run its Course

Again, counter-intuitive, but the concept here is that you are not going to allow anger to influence or become the bases of any future reaction. It is never an honest emotion and is usually based in fear.

Instead, for yourself and for those you are dealing with in Stormy Anger, the Eye is where you announce that there is no more acceptance of the anger. That there is no conclusion where someone does not get hurt emotionally in some way. This is the place where self-awareness reigns supreme and you take back from the ego that which is yours; The peace of the Now Moment.

Step 3: Deal With the Conditions and Walk Away

We started by saying that it is the conditions of Stormy Anger that must be dealt with, so by taking the personal aspects of anger and dealing only with the conditions, the ego will be more apt to release the anger as it is not being attacked.

Well, maybe.

The ego always desires to be in charge, but the key here is to deal with the conditions and leave the personal out. This will give you a beginning, if nothing else.

The key concept here is, Embracing the Eye. From here all moments become yours. Ultimately you are responsible for yourself. Never allow “being angry” to be an excuse for acting in a contrary way.

It is your journey.

Live as if you have a purpose, for you do.


Let me Know your Thoughts Below, Follow this Blog, and be Social with this Post, for the more people we have living successfully in this Now Moment and discussing the value of doing so, the higher we lift all others around us.


directyourownlife@gmail.comDA Southern is a Strategic Life Coach, teaching the spirit of living in Now Moments with the principles he experienced during over 35 years as an actor and director in live theatre. DA coaches his clients to rid life of limiting beliefs that have kept them from achieving miracles in all areas of their life by embracing Mindfulness of the Present Moment with a renewed Vision for life. Contact DA Southern for coaching

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