Know Love, Know Life: 3 Ways To Begin Taking the Ego From Love

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In movies and TV shows as long as the medium as been produced, love, it seems, has mostly been portrayed as a bunch of long-flowing robed individuals gently moving about talking in gentle, flowing statements.

In Star Trek, when ever Kirk or Picard, would happen upon some loving, Utopian-type planet that was being threatened in some way, it always seemed that the inhabitants of the planets had decided that the garb of pure love is, indeed, long flowing gowns for everyone.

Maybe that is why we struggle with it within our own lives, especially, men; The official dress of love freaks us out. Damn ego!

Know Love, Know Life; No Love, No Life

Now, all joking aside (or am i?), i am not going to presume to become a purveyor of love in a way that i am going to show you the perfect way to live love. Although, it is my contention that love is indeed the way of the Universe, i will attempt to come at it in a different perspective.

Of course, that is the way of the ego and its nasty way that it infiltrates and takes you from the joy that is living in love. It truly is the very nature of love to live it with a passion that, in everything we do, it becomes who you are. Love, then, becomes the only true compass heading that you live. For in life, everything leads to love and everything must lead from love in all you do.

Now, with love seemingly on display and depicted in so many different ways and with so many views of love being dispensed as the ‘right’ way in which to do it, it is a far too personal of a journey to lay down one set of rules that unite all factions within it.

Love is Like Art

It seems as if artists (or anyone who truly lives their passion) are really the ‘long-flowing gowns’ among us when it comes to living love. You have long heard the ‘Starving Artist’ designation as someone who has this innate passion and love for expression of their inward soul. Some make it as big-shot celebrities and then get so lost in the fame of it all that they easily dispense of the long-flowing gowns.

Essentially, they sell out to the egoic nature within them as they enter the life of a star.

Many Hollywood types then go on crusades for some cause as they seemingly have lost touch with the very nature of the love that brought them there, or worse, become enslaved to a life of substance abuse ending up on shows such as “Celebrity Rehab.”

It is no wonder we lose sight of love as we do and it is no wonder the ego then uses it against us common folk in such a way that we, too, have cast off the ‘long flowing gowns.’

Houston, the Ego has Landed

So, it is no wonder that we allow the ego to become the sole arbiter of love within us . I suppose it is just easier to allow it as then we can make the necessary excuses when love doesn’t work out as we planned or we allow some reaction to some situation in our lives that comes not from a place of love.

3 Ways To Begin Taking the Ego From Love

This is definitely a process as it means, in many cases, removing layers upon layers of misconceptions about yourself and the very nature of love within you. If you need to consult with a coach or a mentor of some kind, that would be a great start, but there is really no option here.

There is no other way to live your life than from a place of love. The ego has been in charge and it is tome to do some spring cleaning. Let’s start the process here in the 3 Ways and grow from there.

Way 1: Know Thyself

This seems fairly self-explanatory, or does it?

While the past is something i never encourage you to stay within, it is, nonetheless, like the wake of a boat; it shows us where we have been and by experience, we have learned to steer clear of certain obstacles that are inherent of riding in a watercraft. The past, then, is nothing more than a guide to who we are and the experiences we have taken away from the journey itself.

Nothing more than that.

The ego would tend to keep you forever in the past by constantly reminding you of some obstacle you did hit or nearly hit. But the egos sole intent is to keep you from living in this Present Moment in the very nature of love and for you to depend on it to keep you from examining everything from a prism of love, but, instead from the view of the egoic-nature based in the past..

Way 2: Release Judgement

This is one of those things that so many talk about, yet so few seem to be able to get their heads around. In its very nature, judgement is at its apex, fear-based in its conception and the way it is lived.

But, by far, the way most use judgement is against themselves.

The ego welds it like a scalpel as it slices and dices you to keep you forever in line. Self-Judgement is like the promise of plastic surgery to be performed on you by the ego, but the surgery goes horribly wrong and many times you think yourself better for it, but most who see the effects of the surgery know differently. The self-judgement then manifest itself in many ways within your life. However, none more damaging that in the judgement of others.

Way 3: Understand that Love is Simple; It Just Is

The ego will tell you so many things about love; it’s a game, there is no such thing as true love anymore, everyone is out for themselves, and on and on it goes. The ego is right…from it’s perspective and if you live in the ego-based universe, that is the truth.

But you desire a different view, a more ‘long-flowing gowns’ sort of view, right? You see, love really is quite simple in that we are love by our very nature. But it is when the ego steps in and tries to manipulate it that it becomes so damned difficult, does it not?

It need not be that way. Yes, it may take a bolt of  inspiration or something similar to shake you to your core to make you finally understand this truth, but truth it is. Just because we choose a different journey doesn’t change it.

Love is simply the Present Now Moment unfolding in a natural way within us and us not allowing the ego to mutate it into something hideous. It just is.

Maybe the Starship Enterprise is right to take us on the journey to the land of long-flowing robes. Maybe in the end, it is just that simple.

Be a Person of Quality. Direct Your Power.

Until then…

Be Excellent, Expect the Best!

Let me Know your Thoughts Below, Follow this Blog, and be Social with this Post, for the more people we have living successfully in this Now Moment and discussing the value of doing so, the higher we lift all others around us.

*******

directyourownlife@gmail.comDA Southern is an Author, Speaker, Blogger and a Strategic Life Coach, teaching the spirit of living in Now Moments with the principles he experienced during over 35 years as an actor and director in live theatre. DA coaches his clients to rid life of limiting beliefs that have kept them from achieving miracles in all areas of their life by embracing Mindfulness of the Present Moment with a renewed Vision for life. Contact DA Southern for Coaching or Speaking directyourownlife@gmail.com

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The Action of Reaction; 3 Ways to Get a Grip

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In the height of any political season reactions are heightened in the media, between people and between ideologies. Now, the premise here is not to choose a side, a ’right’ or ‘wrong’, for most, i have found have an outlook based on upbringing or transformational actions that have happened in their lives.

But the bigger point here is that it seems that reactions to the common everyday nuances of life are heightened. It seems that we become more reactive to every passing news account or video that we see.

Face it, it is reactions that spark debate. It is reactions that are at the core of every reality show. It is reactions that hit you square in the face as you progress through the Now Moments of your day that cause you to react in ways that are not Present Moment peace.

Rita Mae Brown said it beautifully when she said, “A life of reaction is a life of slavery, intellectually and spiritually. One must fight for a life of action, not reaction.”

You see, when we become strictly reactive beings, we lose the argument before it even begins. Many times in relationships, it is the reactions that partners seem to desire most. It seems that it is the reactions that seem to mean that they care for one another, but really it is more manipulation than anything else. When a partner attempts to ‘hit your hot buttons’ it comes from an egoic center to gain control and never from a place of love.

Wayne Dyer said, “How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours.” Meaning that we are responsible for what we do alone. It is how you choose to react, but the bigger truth is the actions of self that are your truth.

3 Ways to Get a Grip on Your Reactive State

“Do attempt to control the horizontal, do not control the vertical, we are in control,” so says the man from the beginning of every Twilight Zone episode from the past, so must you be to your reactive state. It is all a matter of you coming from a place of the Present Moment.

Way 1: Lag Time

Think about reactions. They are so, well, reactive, are they not? They come pouring out seemingly from your very soul before you know it, it seems. But to get a grip,you need to think of lag time.

I view reactions like i view having to give an account to someone for no apparent reason; totally unnecessary.

What do i mean? Well, when someone ask you do to something or go somewhere with them, and you care not to do so, do you give an excuse as to why you can’t, true or not? most have, but here is the beauty of being an adult, you don’t have to. In fact, haven’t you looked at a soul whose ‘No’ and ‘Yes’ alone were enough? It is almost as if you admired their courage just to say no or yes and be done with it. No excuses, no explanations.

That is essentially, Lag Time.the ability to think first and then say no or yes and be done with it. Lag Time is the actual thinking of what was said, and thoughtfully putting words to any thoughts that you then proclaim. A rule of thumb is a seven count, but if you are truly thinking, you need not actually count it. But tale the time anyway.

Way 2: Don’t Allow Guilt or Manipulation to Enter

This is a danger zone for sure, especially if you have not immediately been made to answer as the person, or situation, has demanded from you. I hear this a lot, that some ‘situation’ makes you respond, but unless you are in danger in that moment, most situations have no feeling how you should react or if you should at all. Most ‘situations’ are people-produced and usually ego based.

The key here is to be aware of guilt and manipulation and the effects that it has had on you. Becoming aware is the first step to not allowing guilt in to begin with.

Way 3: Don’t Look Back

This ties into both Way 1 & 2, in that the ego will question us and make us begin to doubt our lack of reactions.

“You have always reacted this way before, why not now?” the ego will say, but here is where the confidence of being a person of action, not reaction, comes in. Make no excuses for who you are and give no explanations, if one is not needed, for you are in control of this Now Moment. You are to Direct Your Power and be the person who others will look to as courageous for your non-reactive state.

Allow the Present Moment to be your place where you are a person of action, not a reactive sort that has no confidence in who they are.

Direct Your Own Life here for only you can.

Until next time…

Be Excellent, Expect the Best!

Let me Know your Thoughts Below, Follow this Blog, and be Social with this Post, for the more people we have living successfully in this Now Moment and discussing the value of doing so, the higher we lift all others around us.

The Three Senses of Anger

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Why is it that anger, when you are in the midst of it, seems like a rational expression of living naturally?

Why is it that anger seems to “make sense” but the reality is that when most come across a soul tormented by anger that, it seems anything but sensible.

The funny thing about it is that we are very adept at seeing it in others as it is manifest but, often, we find it difficult to see anger when we look into the mirror.

Here is the most troubling aspect of anger; Within anger, the capacity for love is non-existent. It is as if anger and all of its subsidiaries dam up the flow of love. They are truly opposite ends of the spectrum and cannot co-exist together in any form whatsoever.

The challenge then, is to understand how anger does indeed manifest in various ways and to understand that in any form, anger impedes the flow of love in your life. Oh, it is easy to say that you love someone or some situation, but the beleaguered word of love thrown about often is just that, a word to mask anger and its little henchmen.

Looking up anger in the dictionary and it strikes me immediately when the dictionary defines anger as “a part of speech”, it made me think that it should seldom actually be a part of life. Unfortunately, that is not the case.

The dictionary is pretty succinct it its definition stating that anger is that “state of being mad, annoyed” but what is the most interesting to look at are the synonyms that are listed as influenced by anger.

They are,  acrimony, animosity, annoyance, antagonism, blow up, cat fit, (although, i’ve not seen my cat really have to many fits!) chagrin, choler, conniption, dander, disapprobation, displeasure, distemper, enmity, exasperation, fury, gall, hatred, hissy fit, huff, ill humor, ill temper, impatience, indignation, infuriation, irascibility, ire, irritability, irritation, mad, miff, outrage, passion, peevishness, petulance, pique, rage, rankling, resentment, slow burn, soreness, stew, storm, tantrum, temper, tiff, umbrage, vexation, and violence, just to name a few.

What is even more fascinating about anger when you delve deeper into the word. It seems to have three distinct stages, the three senses of angry.

Sense One: Angry (vs. Unangry)

This is where a lot of words that seem to be brief flashes of anger seem to reside. The stranger that cuts you off, the person that says something that “rubs you the wrong way.” You know, depending on your mood, something affects you one way one day where you might not get too concerned and yet another way on a day when you are looking at life with not such a great outlook.

Sense Two: Stormy (vs. calm)

This is a very difficult stage, it seems, as it is two totally opposite ends of the spectrum. Think of the very word, Stormy, and what are the images that are conjured up in your mind?

As a writer, often the use of the word “Stormy” or “Stormed into” portrays a sense of fear, does it not in a novel? The very word seems to illicit images of loved ones who have “gone off” and the fear that has arisen because of that emotion. But the redeeming part of this sense of the word, if it can be stated that way, is that there seems to be not a continual state that leads into one bad experience after another, for the most part.

Of course, it then leads others to live their lives based on the “blow up” of the particular individual, or the avoidance of it the situation, if at all possible. This sense of the word then becomes toxic for all in the angry persons sphere as they alter their life so as to not cause the blow up.

Sense Three: Unhealthy (vs. Healthy)

This the “Danger, Will Robinson” of the senses of the word anger, in that it is the one that often leads to death to the person of anger and, many times, to the ones they are associated with. The unhealthy anger is often masked in depression and is the anger that strikes at times that most have no way of seeing.

Often, when coaching a client, i see anger played out in ways that almost seems as a positive as a career enhancer, but seldom is it sustainable.

Anger is really like that douse of charcoal fluid you put on a grill. A burst of a toxin that stokes the flame but burns off quickly. Yes, it does what is intended, gives the charcoal that needed burst of energy that is needed to cook the burgers, it intensifies the heat, but like anger, the coals eventually burn away and leave nothing but a smoldering and grey looking substance that is, at its core, unhealthy to even touch or breathe in.

Such are the senses of anger and in the next series of posts, we will look at ways to deal with each sense of anger and why it is never a positive way of living life.

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Let me know your thoughts below, get on the newsletter list HERE, and be Social with this Post, for the more people we have living successfully in this Now Moment and discussing the value of doing so, the higher we lift all others around us.

*******

directyourownlife@gmail.comDA Southern is a Strategic Life Coach, teaching the spirit of living in Now Moments with the principles he experienced during over 35 years as an actor and director in live theatre. DA coaches his clients to rid life of limiting beliefs that have kept them from achieving miracles in all areas of their life by embracing Mindfulness of the Present Moment with a renewed Vision for life. Contact DA Southern for coaching directyourownlife@gmail.com

Enlightenment: 3 Steps to See the Beginning of The Journey (Part 1)

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There is an interesting show on HBO, by the very name, Enlightened. In this show, a once high-powered executive, played brilliantly by Laura Dern, has a breakdown and is committed to a rehab clinic where she has an Enlightened moment of Supreme Consciousness.

Supreme Consciousness is as if, for a brief moment, (and that is what these moments are many times) a peace and serenity comes over your being. Your every waking moment from that point onward then becomes a re-creation of that moment in your expression of living.

Unfortunately, as Laura Dern’s character comes to find out, everyone is not on the same path as you, and it is unfathomable how anyone could not understand the journey as you are living it. I mean, it is very clear that enlightenment must be something that everyone desires, right? How is it that your new found place in the Universal Stream is not something desired by all?

This, then, becomes the disconnect. This, then, becomes the reason your ego steers you clear from “those” types, for it is not normal, this “enlightened” nonsense, and you certainly don’t ever want to be seen as “not normal”.

Right?

It has always fascinated me how the media paints “normalcy.” But here is the thing…it is a moving target that changes by the shifting sands of time and societal nuances. The normal of today becomes the old-fashioned thinking of yesterday, and sometimes virtually overnight. If you want to see that really played out, look at computer magazines from merely five years ago. Heck, go back two years, that should do it. The computing world has changed so dramatically that simply having a cell phone two years old makes you outdated.

The same goes for normalcy as we define it. What does this have to do with enlightenment and the steps to begin the journey?

Everything, for you see this is a journey that leaves the boundaries of normalcy behind, for you are desiring a state of joy. Joy has no boundaries and is never out of fashion. Enlightenment is that journey that always begins within and creates change in a way that becomes your normal, without.

But many fear this journey because of the ego. In your attempts to reconcile even a fraction of enlightenment with your world, you must deal with the egoic world around you and that is the arena that the ego so delights in taking charge for it has had so much experience with it.

So there is this constant battle between the ego, future-based, whats-in it for-me thinking, and enlightenment, the serve-humanity-become-a-creature-of-love-in-all-circumstances thinking. This is definitely two words that cannot coexist in any way and to delude yourself into thinking that you can make them “play nice” together is a thinking that shall not bode well for you.

There is a fork in the road and no part of one can go with the other. Enlightenment and the ego are not partners, friends or symbiotic entities that could serve one another.

So the three steps, as alluded in the previous post, are a simple easy-to-remember trio of Release, Let Go and Flow, but living them is not so easy to do.

Step 1: Providing you have dealt with the ego, if nothing else but to acknowledge the fact that you have let it be the CEO for far too long, this is the easiest and yet, at the same time, the most difficult step. Again, the ego will really rear its ugly head here, but push onward. Release is really an act of forgiveness; of yourself, of the events, people, places and things that may have deposited you in this Now Moment.

There is no judgement here. It is as it is supposed to be and there is no desiring anything else to have happened. There are no “should of’s”, “if only’s” or “what if’s”. There is only Now and it is the moment that all is well.

Release and forgive all.

In the spiritual realm, forgiveness is the key for really moving forward. All spiritual doctrines have at their core the very concept of forgiveness. It is only when they attach some sort of gain or punishment that it becomes deluded and watered down as an ineffective vehicle for enlightenment.

But this is the step that begins the journey in earnest. This is the basis of the allowing the truth about yourself as a true child of the Universal Way. Once you have taken this step of forgiveness, true release can be the only truth that you know. It is as if you take from your eyes the “rose colored glasses” that people say when they (their ego) determines that you are living in some “la-la land” that is the journey of enlightenment. You now see in full color and the beauty of every Now Moment comes cascading to you.

For the clients i serve, i use the analogy of the hit program and movies, ‘The Highlander.”

In the series, there are those who are immortal, except for one small exception, other immortals can make them not-so-much by taking their head and gaining the one who lost their head their soul’s power. The liner from the show was, “There can be only one” meaning that only one Highlander was to remain at the end.

This is the process you must undergo in your path of forgiveness.

Metaphorically, you take take the “head” of all the situations in your life that have held you tied to the past or that has kept the present from advancing you into the glorious Now Moments that make up your future Now Moments. You take back the power you have allowed them to have.

Yes, part of the forgiving is that understanding that you cannot be a victim here. Yes, things may have happened that you did not desire, but you are not a victim, but one who overcomes; one who forgives and moves into the next step of Letting Go.

In the next post, we will see how the blending of these steps set you up to set your foot on the path of enlightenment, the Flow of it all.

Let me know your thoughts below, get on the newsletter list HERE, and be Social with this Post, for the more people we have living successfully in this Now Moment and discussing the value of doing so, the higher we lift all others around us.

*******

directyourownlife@gmail.comDA Southern is a Strategic Personal Development Coach, teaching the spirit of living in Now Moments with the principles he experienced during over 35 years as an actor and director in live theatre. DA coaches his clients to rid life of limiting beliefs that have kept them from achieving miracles in all areas of their life by embracing Mindfulness of the Present Moment with a renewed Vision for life. Contact DA Southern for coaching directyourownlife@gmail.com

Mindfulness: 3 Ways To Allow Mindfulness To Impact the Present Moment

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Einstein was right, although wasn’t he about most things? You must indeed keep your balance on a bike, but let me carry it one step further as it relates to being mindful. Not only must you keep your balance, you must keep moving forward and be ever mindful of your surroundings as you do so. Unlike driving a car, which many seem to believe they can do a multitude of other things as they drive around, riding a bike is a very mindful event.

Unlike driving a car which can run over most small obstacles without a concern (of course, many of those small objects, like animals, may not be too excited about your lack of focus), you have to be ever mindful of your terrain, down to the very stick in the road, as you are balancing on two wheels and one slight over-steering results in you seeing what the road looks like in front of you, in a very close and intimate way.

Also, being mindful is being totally connected to the Now-ness of it all. Essentially, we may know where we are going and have plotted our course, but it is in the here and now that the ride happens. If we lose focus for one second, we fall. It is the balance of the moment; the essential mindfulness of the present moment that keeps us forever focused on the immediacy of the journey ahead, for only here can we maintain the safety and security of our ride.

It is as i have said when putting together a theatre production, Opening Night happens one rehearsal at a time. Such it is in life, the journey happens one Present Moment at a time.

There is a trend in the business community for laser focus, thankfully getting away from the concept of multitasking. Admittedly, i am one who has been prone to that, having a lot of things going at once. That it is the director in me, i suppose, as i have to be able to see the big picture when directing a show. When watching several performances at once you have to quickly scan for blending elements of the actors so as to blend all performances of a show. It is a gift, so the concept of multitasking seems not out of line, but as i really understand the directing pursuit, i understand that the creator endows each with gifts and that contained within those gifts are the aspect of focus; a singular, laser like focus. That is mindfulness in its purist form.

3 Tips to Allow Mindfulness Within

1. As stated, like riding a bike and producing a stage play, know your destination, but don’t “Live” there. It is the Opening Night, the objective or goal you desire, that matters. But do not allow the ego to be in charge. Clarity. Exacting clarity with the end in mind is the objective so that the nights of rehearsal make sense.

For example, I would not tell actors that we are doing a show about a couple in love and not really know the way the show is structured. We have a script that we follow. I have found that those without a script have no peace, no mindfulness in the present moment.

2. Be confident in who you are, that you have a purpose and are acting at your highest level. Acting is a fickle beast and the mistake many make as actors as not playing to their strengths.

An example from my beginning years as an actor. It was high school. I was still trying to define myself as an actor as to what i really loved from an acting perspective. I desired the lead role in the school musical, South Pacific. Now. i was definitely not leading man looking material. I mean, I could act it, but i was a scrawny, developing kid. I mean, i took voice lessons and everything, and the kid that got cast in the role was a basketball player who looked the part. Such is acting and such are the lessons learned along the way. Play to your strengths and you will get the roles. You will define the roles that bring you mindfulness in these Now Moments.

3. Don’t take your cue from those around you as to what your role is. Don’t let others define you. You see it in every arena of life. When others define you, you never truly know what role you are playing. Take any politician, for example. When there opponent defines them with some type of negative advertisement, and they fail to respond, they have lost. I’ve seen it as a director. An actor will listen to another actor’s advice on how to do their role and, in the process, lose the effectiveness of the role completely. It is only when you define yourself, and stay true to who you are in your role that you operate at a level of confidence. You are true to you and you are the only one you are truly responsible for.

So Mindfulness equals, Clarity, Confidence and Role Definition. These three components can begin to get you on that bicycle heading in the right direction.

Always remember that it is in this Present Moment alone that gets you to your goal. That is all you have. That is all you will ever have.

Let me know your thoughts below, get on the newsletter list HERE, and share with your friends, for the more people we have living successfully in this Now Moment and discussing the value of doing so, the higher we lift all others around us.

*******

directyourownlife@gmail.comDA Southern is a Strategic Personal Development Coach , teaching the spirit of living in Now Moments with the principles he experienced during over 35 years as an actor and director in live theatre. DA coaches his clients to rid life of limiting beliefs that have kept them from achieving miracles in all areas of their life by embracing Mindfulness of the Present Moment with a renewed passion for life. Contact DA Southern for coaching directyourownlife@gmail.com

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