3 Ways To Not Allow Life Roles To Define Your True Self

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The journey of anger and the ego are so intertwined that it seems as if we can’t function without either of them and they often are wrapped up in who we are as individuals.

“Anger is good to release every now and then so you don’t have an ulcer”, my dad used to say and the ego, well, the ego… It is taught so fervently in today’s educational arena that it almost seems as if we have negated the very principles of reading, writing and arithmetic for that important concept of self-worth.

Now, here is where it gets tricky, as i have discovered with many of the coaching clients that i serve. The idea of self is so wrapped up in what we do, that it is clear that the very aspect of who we are has been lost in many instances.

What do i mean?

Well, when someone asks you, “Who are you?” Most will say, i am an electrician, a banker, a business owner, a mother, a wife…you get the picture.

Are not those roles that we have assumed in life? Do they define the Universal You? How Does Anger keep you trapped in those roles sometimes?

This is the reason when someone “retires” (a concept i find abhorrent) they often lose themselves in the nothingness of their Now existence. Studies have shown that men, who so often identify themselves with their career, often pass away within the first two years of retiring. It is only when they become invested in another career path, of sorts, and redefine themselves, do they find a new life in their later years.

Anger plays such a role here that many don’t even understand that at the root of depression of role-identification is anger hiding in the form of non-appreciation for ‘all that i have done for my loved ones, for the world.”

For example, i am a writer, a coach, an author, but i am not really those things. I am simply performing an outreach of my current state of mind, of that place in my soul where i desire to serve. Now, i certainly understand identifying so closely with that aspect of who you are that it becomes all that you are. In fact, when i went through a spiritual growth, i had to step away from the role of director as i began to see how the ego had consumed me within it.

I was no longer a Universal being but simply a director. It was only when i decided to see the beauty of the art form as a way to serve the greater good, from a cultural standpoint, instead of being simply a director of the current production, did i expand my vision. I ceased being a director and became one who served the greater cultural good in many other endeavors.

3 Ways to Allow the True You to Become More Than a Role You Play

Step 1: There are No Regrets

First, understand that there is a perfection to the Universe, the Universe makes no mistakes. Now this is a very difficult concept for many to get their head around. First of all, something only becomes a mistake in the concept of circumstances. If something you did didn’t turn out as well as you desired, then does it not then become a “mistake?” Had it gone slightly different, it would have been considered a success by the ego, therefore by you.

Again, who defines the rules of the game here? The ego, of course, but here is the challenge. The game is played on sand and underneath the sand is a raging earthquake. By defining yourself in roles or always identifying yourself as ‘right’ or “wrong”, “good and “bad” the ego keeps you always in check. Things just are and we are but to learn from them.

Einstein said, “Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow.”

This from the person who unlocked the very secrets of the universe. Do you think if he regretted every failed equation, he would have defined the concepts we now understand?

Step 2: Understand the Roles you play and look at the core concepts that make you who you are within them.

Again, keep away from defining yourself as this or that, you DO this or that, but you are not these things. I suppose the best way to describe it is by watching your favorite actor or even sports star. A good performer will always make you forget that it is that person playing the part but that they become the part they are playing.

The great actor, Sir Lawrence Olivier said, “The actor should be able to create the universe in the palm of his hand.” He is correct and we are all but players here. Don’t get lost in the role, but instead, look at the values and traits you bring to the role. The goodness of who you are within that makes those roles so dynamic to begin with.

Step 3: BEE the B!

I am often asked to coach students and there is a little acronym that has served me to illustrate a point about being excellent, exactly as who you are.

I love to tell of the scientific data that states that the humble bee can not fly. That’s right. Its little body is much to big for its wings. Then there is the fact that the poor bees are not aerodynamic at all, poor little guys.

But here is the challenge for the bees, or rather for the all-knowing scientific community; the bee has no ego telling them, or anyone else telling them, that they can’t fly. They just do it anyway!

The bees are not defined by what others have set forth as their role, they just are bees. So, the BEE the B is an acronym for, Be Excellent, Expect the Best, and this is a simple guide that you can think of whenever you see the humble bee.

If you are simply in the Present Moment just being the best you you can be, not a role, but you, then this is your excellence.

Allow not your ego to define you or the roles you play, but always Expect the Best from the world around you. For it is only in the positive expectation of life and with an attitude of gratitude can you see the Universe for what it is and for who you are within it.

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Let me Know your Thoughts Below, Follow this Blog, and be Social with this Post, for the more people we have living successfully in this Now Moment and discussing the value of doing so, the higher we lift all others around us.

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directyourownlife@gmail.comDA Southern is a Strategic Life Coach, teaching the spirit of living in Now Moments with the principles he experienced during over 35 years as an actor and director in live theatre. DA coaches his clients to rid life of limiting beliefs that have kept them from achieving miracles in all areas of their life by embracing Mindfulness of the Present Moment with a renewed Vision for life. Contact DA Southern for coaching directyourownlife@gmail.com

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The Affliction of Worry From Others

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Worry kills the spirit of the one it inhabits and infects those around them.

Why does this happen that a soul on a beautiful journey of love allows such an egoic, unhealthy and, very often, irrational look a a future that does not exist into their very existence.

Why has worry been given such a place of respect in our world.

It is even joked about as a redeeming trait in movies. But there lies the insidiousness of it, does it not? The idea that it is indeed fodder for ridicule and yet we allow it to still infect our lives. It as if we are saying it is funny for everyone else, but, its OK for me. As if somehow that makes it a great way to carry on in our Now Moments.

Of course, that is the point. In the wake of worry there are no Now Moments, only moments that are somehow “out there” that must be going to happen, must be dealt with now.

I could go on for many Now Moments here, but the most troubling aspect of worry is the way we allow others to impact our journey with their worrisome attitude. Really, when someone else worries about you in some situation and projects that worry on you, it is nothing but their ego rising to control you.

Let me give you an example of a client who recently took a tumble off of a ladder and broke his back.

Now this man has an excellent attitude and takes a very youthful approach to age in general. Well, after he recuperated, he came and saw me and was having some issues with the thoughts of others that he was allowing to impact him. Essentially, others were telling him that he should not go up on the ladder again. I asked him if he desired to, if he enjoyed getting up on the ladder doing things. He said that he did, that it was not a chore.

So we established that it was not something he dreaded but that he loved to do, he loved being active. I then asked if others were responsible for his happiness; could they determine his course.

He again said no.

I then told him that others were simply projecting fear onto him because that is how they would have handled their fear, more than likely. It even spoke to their wanting to control him by telling him he was not able to overcome a mere accident.

After we finished, he looked back at me as he left and said, “Thank you. I am so tired of others deciding for me my joy in any moment.” I told him that it was none of his business what others thought of his actions and, quite frankly, if he wanted to skydive, it was his business.

He did go up the ladder again!

You see, we have a way of inserting ourselves into the lives of others, often time in the very name of love and we couch it as “concern” (worry) for them. But really what is going on, is our ego is impacted by them and we are always, if ego-driven, looking to protect ourselves by maintaining that relationship on our terms.

In a way, it is like when we lose a loved one. We mourn, but it is always about the way we are affected. If it is someone close, we are affected as to the time that we no longer will spend with that person in our lives. Not that it is good or bad, here. It just it is what it is.

But if we grieve past the normal stages of grief that have been studied from author, Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, when she discusses the Five Stages of Grief, then we must look at the hold the ego has on the very act of living.

It is the same when it comes to the influence others have on you if you base your life on what others think of your actions. To be quite honest, however, you might be shocked just how little others are thinking about you. I am always amazed at the amount of ego that is present when someone is so invested in others thoughts of their actions. Often it is someone who is very self-conscious and seems very non-egoic, but it is usually just the opposite. Usually the ego has such a hold on them that they base every action on the ideas, words and presumed thoughts of others.

One of my favorite quotes i use for my clients is one from Dr. Seuss where he says,

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.”

It is your journey. Things are only Bad or Good in the context of the moment, but it is always your journey. No one can worry you better, angry, happy or any other emotion that others desire to afflict you with.

Feel this Present Moment, for it is the only one you have.

Be your own creation and do not allow others in inflict their egoic natures on you, for they are on their own journey.

In the end, it really does come down to the fact that what others think of you is, indeed, none of your business…ever!

Let me know your thoughts below, get on the newsletter list HERE, and be Social with this Post, for the more people we have living successfully in this Now Moment and discussing the value of doing so, the higher we lift all others around us.

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directyourownlife@gmail.comDA Southern is a Strategic Personal Development Coach, teaching the spirit of living in Now Moments with the principles he experienced during over 35 years as an actor and director in live theatre. DA coaches his clients to rid life of limiting beliefs that have kept them from achieving miracles in all areas of their life by embracing Mindfulness of the Present Moment with a renewed Vision for life. Contact DA Southern for coaching directyourownlife@gmail.com

Mindfulness: 3 Ways To Allow Mindfulness To Impact the Present Moment

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Einstein was right, although wasn’t he about most things? You must indeed keep your balance on a bike, but let me carry it one step further as it relates to being mindful. Not only must you keep your balance, you must keep moving forward and be ever mindful of your surroundings as you do so. Unlike driving a car, which many seem to believe they can do a multitude of other things as they drive around, riding a bike is a very mindful event.

Unlike driving a car which can run over most small obstacles without a concern (of course, many of those small objects, like animals, may not be too excited about your lack of focus), you have to be ever mindful of your terrain, down to the very stick in the road, as you are balancing on two wheels and one slight over-steering results in you seeing what the road looks like in front of you, in a very close and intimate way.

Also, being mindful is being totally connected to the Now-ness of it all. Essentially, we may know where we are going and have plotted our course, but it is in the here and now that the ride happens. If we lose focus for one second, we fall. It is the balance of the moment; the essential mindfulness of the present moment that keeps us forever focused on the immediacy of the journey ahead, for only here can we maintain the safety and security of our ride.

It is as i have said when putting together a theatre production, Opening Night happens one rehearsal at a time. Such it is in life, the journey happens one Present Moment at a time.

There is a trend in the business community for laser focus, thankfully getting away from the concept of multitasking. Admittedly, i am one who has been prone to that, having a lot of things going at once. That it is the director in me, i suppose, as i have to be able to see the big picture when directing a show. When watching several performances at once you have to quickly scan for blending elements of the actors so as to blend all performances of a show. It is a gift, so the concept of multitasking seems not out of line, but as i really understand the directing pursuit, i understand that the creator endows each with gifts and that contained within those gifts are the aspect of focus; a singular, laser like focus. That is mindfulness in its purist form.

3 Tips to Allow Mindfulness Within

1. As stated, like riding a bike and producing a stage play, know your destination, but don’t “Live” there. It is the Opening Night, the objective or goal you desire, that matters. But do not allow the ego to be in charge. Clarity. Exacting clarity with the end in mind is the objective so that the nights of rehearsal make sense.

For example, I would not tell actors that we are doing a show about a couple in love and not really know the way the show is structured. We have a script that we follow. I have found that those without a script have no peace, no mindfulness in the present moment.

2. Be confident in who you are, that you have a purpose and are acting at your highest level. Acting is a fickle beast and the mistake many make as actors as not playing to their strengths.

An example from my beginning years as an actor. It was high school. I was still trying to define myself as an actor as to what i really loved from an acting perspective. I desired the lead role in the school musical, South Pacific. Now. i was definitely not leading man looking material. I mean, I could act it, but i was a scrawny, developing kid. I mean, i took voice lessons and everything, and the kid that got cast in the role was a basketball player who looked the part. Such is acting and such are the lessons learned along the way. Play to your strengths and you will get the roles. You will define the roles that bring you mindfulness in these Now Moments.

3. Don’t take your cue from those around you as to what your role is. Don’t let others define you. You see it in every arena of life. When others define you, you never truly know what role you are playing. Take any politician, for example. When there opponent defines them with some type of negative advertisement, and they fail to respond, they have lost. I’ve seen it as a director. An actor will listen to another actor’s advice on how to do their role and, in the process, lose the effectiveness of the role completely. It is only when you define yourself, and stay true to who you are in your role that you operate at a level of confidence. You are true to you and you are the only one you are truly responsible for.

So Mindfulness equals, Clarity, Confidence and Role Definition. These three components can begin to get you on that bicycle heading in the right direction.

Always remember that it is in this Present Moment alone that gets you to your goal. That is all you have. That is all you will ever have.

Let me know your thoughts below, get on the newsletter list HERE, and share with your friends, for the more people we have living successfully in this Now Moment and discussing the value of doing so, the higher we lift all others around us.

*******

directyourownlife@gmail.comDA Southern is a Strategic Personal Development Coach , teaching the spirit of living in Now Moments with the principles he experienced during over 35 years as an actor and director in live theatre. DA coaches his clients to rid life of limiting beliefs that have kept them from achieving miracles in all areas of their life by embracing Mindfulness of the Present Moment with a renewed passion for life. Contact DA Southern for coaching directyourownlife@gmail.com

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