I love reality shows for the constant show of the human condition that is being displayed. I am not so concerned with any aspect of the actual ‘reality’ of it all, but to study how people react in stressful and compressed situations that often force them to react outside of what are the ways they would normally act.

Well, maybe.

What strikes me in many of the programs, be it a cooking competition, like Top Chef or Hell’s Kitchen, or on Survivor, when people are asked to be in teams or put in a position to assert themselves, they back off for fear that they might become a target.

Or is it because of something else?

You see, we seem to have become a “I don’t want to take the blame for anything” society. Why do you think that is? Is it because we might ‘become a target’ as they say on the reality shows? Or is it because we might fail and, that, the ego tells us, is more devastating than succeeding.

Actually, at its core, it becomes about giving away your power. It is your assumptions about failure, hope and the nature of what your ego and society has determined as to what is success for you, instead of you directing your own life.

So we give our power away to others with our assumptions. It’s like we’re saying, “No, please, YOU take my power. This way I can blame YOU if things don’t work out”. Hope, then, becomes this subtle egoic way that we push off onto others our assumptions and blame. It is just easier to make sure we are not perceived as failing or being too aggressive. We wouldn’t want others to see us as strong for then we might become a target, or people might expect us to always be good.

Have you ever heard statements like these that, on the surface, sound positive to a degree, but are a total allowing of the ego to give your power away.

Statements such as;

“I am not the one in charge here, so there is really nothing I can do.”

“I believe my fate is in God’s hands.”

“They won’t let me.” (the government, rich people, or anyone else who
appears to have more power)

“What is the use of trying? The odds are clearly stacked against me.”

These are assumptions that have no business in your mindset.

What are assumptions?

Assumptions are characterized by the habit of taking for granted that something is true when it is not. Assumptions are a power-grab by the ego, for sure and a re often shielded in the very act of wanting to be helpful but that circumstances just don’t allow you to be as great as you normally are.


One of my coaching clients had so given away her power with assumptions that she governed her very actions by the looks alone that some people gave her. The assumptions that she gave to those looks then governed her actions as to what she did or did not do and her very speech was based on looks alone.

Talk about giving away your power! And the nasty truth here is that assumptions so rob the Present Moment of power because the ego has made such a power grab that you will not even contemplate a Present Moment mindset.

So, there are beginning steps we need to look at to start the process of clearing away debilitating assumptions from you life and it starts with the questions you ask yourself.

3 Questions to Ask to Make Sure Assumptions are not Taking Away Your Power

Question 1: Is My Assumption True or False?

This is a process of stepping away and becoming an outside observer; become an investigator, of sorts. The process here is to take an assumption that you have always held or that you have recently assigned to someone or some situation. You have to detach from the emotions, for there is where the ego lives in assumptions. Like the old TV series, Dragnet, where detective Joe Friday would say, “Just the facts, mam”, you have to get to Just The Facts.

Like my client who assigned looks assumptions, i had her start to journal her assumptions about people and situations. We would then go through each statement to see the factual evidence of each and ferret out the truth.

Do the same for yourself. Become a detective and don’t allow the ego to decide for you in any situation.

Question 2: What Proof or Evidence Do I Have About My Assumption?

This goes to the journal aspect of the assumptions already mentioned. Look at every aspect, a 360 degree look, at the assumption. Are there truths here that are undeniable? The challenge here is to not allow the ego to become involved personally as it will manufacture truths that are not so. “Just the facts, mam.”

Question 3: How Have I Governed My Life Based on Assumptions?

Here is where you take a larger truth learned from journaling about situations and people that you have given your power away through your assumptions and apply it within a larger context.

Generally, what is true in a smaller situation, holds true in a larger context. If you have given power to individuals and situations with assumptions, then, more often than not, these assumptions have had a larger impact on your life than you may have previously known.

Take your power back. Assumptions can lead you astray and the ego will use to control your very actions from one Now Moment to another.

In an upcoming post, we will look at the question, “How Can I Release the Ego from My Assumptions?”

Until then,

Be Excellent, Expect the Best.


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directyourownlife@gmail.comDA Southern is an Author, Speaker, Blogger and a Strategic Life Coach, teaching the spirit of living in Now Moments with the principles he experienced during over 35 years as an actor and director in live theatre. DA coaches his clients to rid life of limiting beliefs that have kept them from achieving miracles in all areas of their life by embracing Mindfulness of the Present Moment with a renewed Vision for life. Contact DA Southern for Coaching or Speaking directyourownlife@gmail.com