“Anger is good to release every now and then so you don’t have an ulcer”, my dad used to say and the ego, well, the ego… It is taught so fervently in today’s educational arena that it almost seems as if we have negated the very principles of reading, writing and arithmetic for that important concept of self-worth.
Now, here is where it gets tricky, as i have discovered with many of the coaching clients that i serve. The idea of self is so wrapped up in what we do, that it is clear that the very aspect of who we are has been lost in many instances.
What do i mean?
Well, when someone asks you, “Who are you?” Most will say, i am an electrician, a banker, a business owner, a mother, a wife…you get the picture.
Are not those roles that we have assumed in life? Do they define the Universal You? How Does Anger keep you trapped in those roles sometimes?
This is the reason when someone “retires” (a concept i find abhorrent) they often lose themselves in the nothingness of their Now existence. Studies have shown that men, who so often identify themselves with their career, often pass away within the first two years of retiring. It is only when they become invested in another career path, of sorts, and redefine themselves, do they find a new life in their later years.
Anger plays such a role here that many don’t even understand that at the root of depression of role-identification is anger hiding in the form of non-appreciation for ‘all that i have done for my loved ones, for the world.”
For example, i am a writer, a coach, an author, but i am not really those things. I am simply performing an outreach of my current state of mind, of that place in my soul where i desire to serve. Now, i certainly understand identifying so closely with that aspect of who you are that it becomes all that you are. In fact, when i went through a spiritual growth, i had to step away from the role of director as i began to see how the ego had consumed me within it.
I was no longer a Universal being but simply a director. It was only when i decided to see the beauty of the art form as a way to serve the greater good, from a cultural standpoint, instead of being simply a director of the current production, did i expand my vision. I ceased being a director and became one who served the greater cultural good in many other endeavors.
3 Ways to Allow the True You to Become More Than a Role You Play
Step 1: There are No Regrets
First, understand that there is a perfection to the Universe, the Universe makes no mistakes. Now this is a very difficult concept for many to get their head around. First of all, something only becomes a mistake in the concept of circumstances. If something you did didn’t turn out as well as you desired, then does it not then become a “mistake?” Had it gone slightly different, it would have been considered a success by the ego, therefore by you.
Again, who defines the rules of the game here? The ego, of course, but here is the challenge. The game is played on sand and underneath the sand is a raging earthquake. By defining yourself in roles or always identifying yourself as ‘right’ or “wrong”, “good and “bad” the ego keeps you always in check. Things just are and we are but to learn from them.
Einstein said, “Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow.”
This from the person who unlocked the very secrets of the universe. Do you think if he regretted every failed equation, he would have defined the concepts we now understand?
Step 2: Understand the Roles you play and look at the core concepts that make you who you are within them.
Again, keep away from defining yourself as this or that, you DO this or that, but you are not these things. I suppose the best way to describe it is by watching your favorite actor or even sports star. A good performer will always make you forget that it is that person playing the part but that they become the part they are playing.
The great actor, Sir Lawrence Olivier said, “The actor should be able to create the universe in the palm of his hand.” He is correct and we are all but players here. Don’t get lost in the role, but instead, look at the values and traits you bring to the role. The goodness of who you are within that makes those roles so dynamic to begin with.
I am often asked to coach students and there is a little acronym that has served me to illustrate a point about being excellent, exactly as who you are.
I love to tell of the scientific data that states that the humble bee can not fly. That’s right. Its little body is much to big for its wings. Then there is the fact that the poor bees are not aerodynamic at all, poor little guys.
But here is the challenge for the bees, or rather for the all-knowing scientific community; the bee has no ego telling them, or anyone else telling them, that they can’t fly. They just do it anyway!
The bees are not defined by what others have set forth as their role, they just are bees. So, the BEE the B is an acronym for, Be Excellent, Expect the Best, and this is a simple guide that you can think of whenever you see the humble bee.
If you are simply in the Present Moment just being the best you you can be, not a role, but you, then this is your excellence.
Allow not your ego to define you or the roles you play, but always Expect the Best from the world around you. For it is only in the positive expectation of life and with an attitude of gratitude can you see the Universe for what it is and for who you are within it.
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DA Southern is a Strategic Life Coach, teaching the spirit of living in Now Moments with the principles he experienced during over 35 years as an actor and director in live theatre. DA coaches his clients to rid life of limiting beliefs that have kept them from achieving miracles in all areas of their life by embracing Mindfulness of the Present Moment with a renewed Vision for life. Contact DA Southern for coaching @ email@example.com