When i was a kid, one of the first awards i remember receiving as a writer, was when i wrote an essay about the virtues of drinking Coke for the local Coca-Cola Distributor in my town.

The Distributor held the writing contest to inspire young drinkers of Coke to become life-long drinkers of Coke, i suppose, but the prize was legitimate in that it was only to be a single winner at each age range. So, i wrote it and won my division, but you know what the prize was? Beside the obligatory certificate saying i was a first place winner, i received a whole case of Coke for my very own. It was a grand prize indeed, especially as a kid eleven years young, or so.

But here was the kicker, after winning my glorious case of Coke, i was immediately informed of having to share the case of Coke with my siblings, who contributed nothing…nada…zilch to the winning of the case of Coke.

Suffice it to say, for an eleven year young lad, sharing my booty of that, fine dark liquid was not part of winning. Anger and frustration was the word of the day. But i suppose what was more telling was the reason my mother gave me.

It was selfish for me not to share.

No real reason other than that and no discussion. I was told simply to do it and not to be so selfish. Now, would i have probably shared with my siblings? Yes, as my sister and i had a pretty good relationship and my brother would have given me some little prized trinket i so desire from his stash in return. But being so compelled to do so with the word “selfish” attached to the incident was devastating for many years in that the ego attached many layers to the incident over time.

Words such as anger, frustration and selfishness then become fodder for the ego to protect you by using the words to rid you of so-called enemies in life. The ego then desires to make sure that those feelings are not used by others ever again to hurt you.

Now here is the thing; the ego uses all instances in life to encase you in a shell that becomes so convoluted that it feels right to allow it to protect and serve. The ego is your mighty protector and, as has been discussed on our series on anger, uses anger and other feelings to push you forward and strains all relationships along the way that impede that progress.

But along the way, the feelings such as anger, frustration, self-doubt and, even love, become nothing more that a power-grab by the ego to control you. We are even in a culture that honors the ego as a way to be all we can be. We honor achievement as an expression of the ego and we have created a culture of me-ism that is afflicting our very core.

Now, don’t get me wrong, success in one’s profession is honorable and admired. It is the egoic tendency of the “scorched-earth” policy of success-at-whatever-cost that the ego tends to use to blur the difference between the two before our very eyes that is devastating.

We are all endowed by our creator with a talent that far outshines the ego and here is where we need to make the distinction. The ego controls, manipulates, coerces and demands an allegiance to the future, with deep roots in the past. The ego demands that all others be taken out, metaphorically, and that it is always front and center.

Our passion, the desire within us to create that the Universe gives each soul, is completely non-egoic in nature. It must create and do so because it is the very nature of our souls to expand, such as does the Universe. When the ego steps in and tries to control that which is your desire, it is as if you sense that something is “off” and you are no longer in control.

This is the reason people become angry and frustrated with life; they are not cast in the right role and their heart is just not in the play anymore.

I understand this very feeling as a director as the very nature of acting and directing can be extremely egoic. It is the very nature of actors to want to be in the spotlight for their talent, they want to be told they are/were good. The ego demands satisfaction. But when you step back and look  at the nature of performing as a whole, as to the affect you can have on bringing a sense of humanity to people through the art, then the ego becomes non-existent. You become larger and more expansive than the ego can fathom. You become the destiny that you were called for.

3 Ways to Go Beyond the Ego to Your Destiny

Step 1: What Did You Desire To Be As A Kid?

Now, while it is a clever ploy the ego uses by keeping you tied to the past, you only inquire this of yourself so as to see that Universal desire within. It matters not so much but for the general idea.

Was it a cowboy, an astronaut, a famous movie star?

It more goes to the desires behind the intent. What are the characteristics that the desire provoked. You will find that the ego has used those maybe to propel you, but it was been my experience as a Life Coach that the latent desires are usually insulated for the egos reach and that the truth of who you are is never-changing.

Step 2: Identify the traits you are now using in your current position.

It doesn’t really matter what you are doing, even if it is no where close to what you believe is your destiny. There are traits of your desire, even if the ego thinks them non-sensible, that you are using. Just look inward and tell the ego to take a lunch break if you have not fired him/her form your company known as “You, Inc.”

The key here is to make no judgement on your usage or non-usage of an identified trait. Just identify it and accept it as who you are.

I can guarantee that if you are not using your destiny traits in your position in some way, that there is a pretty good chance you have a hobby that you have thrown yourself into that does.

Step 3: Look at the intent of your Desire Traits and imagine how you could incorporate them into this Present Moment going forward.

As i have said before, in the preparation of a theatrical play, the objective is always to get to Opening Night. As a director, it is never the intent to tell an actor to save some future performance or the emotion of their performance for Opening Night, but it is in the rehearsals that we find our voice. The play always happens in this Now Moment.

We are ever evolving into an Opening Night or a series of Opening Nights that make up the Theatrical Season that is our life. This is the moment that your desire must manifest. Start to allow your Destiny Traits to manifest in this Now Moment, for here is where all future begins.


Let me Know your Thoughts Below, Follow this Blog, and be Social with this Post, for the more people we have living successfully in this Now Moment and discussing the value of doing so, the higher we lift all others around us.


directyourownlife@gmail.comDA Southern is a Strategic Life Coach, teaching the spirit of living in Now Moments with the principles he experienced during over 35 years as an actor and director in live theatre. DA coaches his clients to rid life of limiting beliefs that have kept them from achieving miracles in all areas of their life by embracing Mindfulness of the Present Moment with a renewed Vision for life. Contact DA Southern for coaching directyourownlife@gmail.com