There is a proverb that talks of one living on the roof alone rather than being with a contentious soul in the home. I believe the key word here is “contentious” and its very meaning: Involving heated argument(s).
Of course, the definition is succinct in its meaning in that if it was a simple dialogue between two souls in a non-contentious manner, it would not be heated. Anything heated, from an argument perspective, involves an intensity of thought, mind and deed and seldom is the resolution peaceful to the extent that someone doesn’t go off hurt or even more angry than at the outset.
Stormy Anger is that place that makes us literally sick inside, does it not? Yet, until we come to terms with who we are as Universal Souls, we too, have undoubtedly have Storms within that have transferred outward.
What makes Stormy Anger the most challenging is that when we are often in the midst of it, it “seems” rational and we are even aware of it as it is happening. But it is as if we have committed ourselves to it and must follow it through to the end. It is almost as if the ego will not let you abandon Stormy Anger as it needs it to propel you in a direction that is never really you, but once you have gone there, it becomes you. Often Stormy Anger is a pattern unto itself.
Think of when you were/are around a parent or friend who “goes off” and becomes this “Incredible Hulk” of sorts in certain situations. Doesn’t that make you react differently as you try to ascertain what caused the Stormy Anger to begin with. The very term, “Walking on eggshells” is applied and the idea is to not provoke the Stormy Anger to begin with.
Perhaps the most insidious aspect of Stormy Anger is that the very things we react to and guard against, are not usually the conditions of the Stormy Anger at all. We then become reactive beings instead of loving creatures true to ourselves as individuals.
Understand that Stormy Anger is more often than not, a set of conditions, not the person. The person is just “under the influence” so to speak. That is what makes it so hard to gauge and instead of understanding the conditions that brought the Stormy Anger to the surface, we go out of our way to maintain peace.
But peace, based on the fear of something maybe happening, is never peace. And because of fear, we become reactive beings and not Present in the Moment as fear is always future based.
In the theatre, as a director, it is always funny when you direct a character that has to become angry on stage. Many times, the actors get to the part of “being really angry” and it is almost as if the concept is foreign to them. Often times, their anger is so contrived and comical, it is as if they had never been angry in their lives. It is as if anger is something that others do but certainly not them. I understand the concept, because at the heart of anger is the very understanding that you don’t desire to be in that place. It is as if you are, indeed, possessed by someone outside of yourself.
You are. It is called the ego.
Again look at all of the words that surround anger from the previous post, and it is easy to see why we become so confused with the word itself. It means so many things, elicits so many emotions, and yet it is a catch-all for acting a certain way.
So, what are some of the ways to begin to diffuse Stormy Anger within and in the situations that you are subjected to?
3 Steps to Begin to Diffuse Stormy Anger
Step 1: Embrace the Eye of the Storm
Now, this may seem counter-intuitive at first, but embrace the concept.
Now, i will preface this by saying that the very nature of Stormy Anger may be a danger aspect, so always be intuitive and non-reactive by extricating yourself from a situation that you may deem as such. But always do this in a state of calm, not in a reactive state of fear.
In Coaching clients, when i often encounter a Stormy Anger, or any anger, situation, i get to the Eye of the Storm. In a Hurricane, at the center, there is a calm that is uncanny. It is as if life is in a bubble and the storm will not touch it. Such is anger, especially Stormy Anger.
The fact of Stormy Anger is that, often, you are aware of it, but as i said, you feel committed to it. If you simply allow yourself to briefly rage, and then announce to yourself that you will find the eye of the storm, this may take you momentarily off of the storm itself, away from the ego, and then to the conditions that have caused the storm to begin with.
You see, it is the self-awareness that diffuses the anger many times. Embracing the Eye is allowing your ego to become unimportant and you becoming Present in the Moment.
When others become Stormy, become the calm and do not react. It is almost as if the ego of the Stormy Anger needs to feed on souls in fear. When others begin Stormy Anger, start first by non-reaction and then speaking almost in a whisper to them. It forces them to listen, to stop and to re-focus, often times out of the Stormy Anger.
Again, counter-intuitive, but the concept here is that you are not going to allow anger to influence or become the bases of any future reaction. It is never an honest emotion and is usually based in fear.
Instead, for yourself and for those you are dealing with in Stormy Anger, the Eye is where you announce that there is no more acceptance of the anger. That there is no conclusion where someone does not get hurt emotionally in some way. This is the place where self-awareness reigns supreme and you take back from the ego that which is yours; The peace of the Now Moment.
Step 3: Deal With the Conditions and Walk Away
We started by saying that it is the conditions of Stormy Anger that must be dealt with, so by taking the personal aspects of anger and dealing only with the conditions, the ego will be more apt to release the anger as it is not being attacked.
The ego always desires to be in charge, but the key here is to deal with the conditions and leave the personal out. This will give you a beginning, if nothing else.
The key concept here is, Embracing the Eye. From here all moments become yours. Ultimately you are responsible for yourself. Never allow “being angry” to be an excuse for acting in a contrary way.
It is your journey.
Live as if you have a purpose, for you do.
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DA Southern is a Strategic Life Coach, teaching the spirit of living in Now Moments with the principles he experienced during over 35 years as an actor and director in live theatre. DA coaches his clients to rid life of limiting beliefs that have kept them from achieving miracles in all areas of their life by embracing Mindfulness of the Present Moment with a renewed Vision for life. Contact DA Southern for coaching @ email@example.com