Why is it that anger seems to “make sense” but the reality is that when most come across a soul tormented by anger that, it seems anything but sensible.
The funny thing about it is that we are very adept at seeing it in others as it is manifest but, often, we find it difficult to see anger when we look into the mirror.
Here is the most troubling aspect of anger; Within anger, the capacity for love is non-existent. It is as if anger and all of its subsidiaries dam up the flow of love. They are truly opposite ends of the spectrum and cannot co-exist together in any form whatsoever.
The challenge then, is to understand how anger does indeed manifest in various ways and to understand that in any form, anger impedes the flow of love in your life. Oh, it is easy to say that you love someone or some situation, but the beleaguered word of love thrown about often is just that, a word to mask anger and its little henchmen.
Looking up anger in the dictionary and it strikes me immediately when the dictionary defines anger as “a part of speech”, it made me think that it should seldom actually be a part of life. Unfortunately, that is not the case.
The dictionary is pretty succinct it its definition stating that anger is that “state of being mad, annoyed” but what is the most interesting to look at are the synonyms that are listed as influenced by anger.
They are, acrimony, animosity, annoyance, antagonism, blow up, cat fit, (although, i’ve not seen my cat really have to many fits!) chagrin, choler, conniption, dander, disapprobation, displeasure, distemper, enmity, exasperation, fury, gall, hatred, hissy fit, huff, ill humor, ill temper, impatience, indignation, infuriation, irascibility, ire, irritability, irritation, mad, miff, outrage, passion, peevishness, petulance, pique, rage, rankling, resentment, slow burn, soreness, stew, storm, tantrum, temper, tiff, umbrage, vexation, and violence, just to name a few.
What is even more fascinating about anger when you delve deeper into the word. It seems to have three distinct stages, the three senses of angry.
Sense One: Angry (vs. Unangry)
This is where a lot of words that seem to be brief flashes of anger seem to reside. The stranger that cuts you off, the person that says something that “rubs you the wrong way.” You know, depending on your mood, something affects you one way one day where you might not get too concerned and yet another way on a day when you are looking at life with not such a great outlook.
Sense Two: Stormy (vs. calm)
This is a very difficult stage, it seems, as it is two totally opposite ends of the spectrum. Think of the very word, Stormy, and what are the images that are conjured up in your mind?
As a writer, often the use of the word “Stormy” or “Stormed into” portrays a sense of fear, does it not in a novel? The very word seems to illicit images of loved ones who have “gone off” and the fear that has arisen because of that emotion. But the redeeming part of this sense of the word, if it can be stated that way, is that there seems to be not a continual state that leads into one bad experience after another, for the most part.
Of course, it then leads others to live their lives based on the “blow up” of the particular individual, or the avoidance of it the situation, if at all possible. This sense of the word then becomes toxic for all in the angry persons sphere as they alter their life so as to not cause the blow up.
This the “Danger, Will Robinson” of the senses of the word anger, in that it is the one that often leads to death to the person of anger and, many times, to the ones they are associated with. The unhealthy anger is often masked in depression and is the anger that strikes at times that most have no way of seeing.
Often, when coaching a client, i see anger played out in ways that almost seems as a positive as a career enhancer, but seldom is it sustainable.
Anger is really like that douse of charcoal fluid you put on a grill. A burst of a toxin that stokes the flame but burns off quickly. Yes, it does what is intended, gives the charcoal that needed burst of energy that is needed to cook the burgers, it intensifies the heat, but like anger, the coals eventually burn away and leave nothing but a smoldering and grey looking substance that is, at its core, unhealthy to even touch or breathe in.
Such are the senses of anger and in the next series of posts, we will look at ways to deal with each sense of anger and why it is never a positive way of living life.
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DA Southern is a Strategic Life Coach, teaching the spirit of living in Now Moments with the principles he experienced during over 35 years as an actor and director in live theatre. DA coaches his clients to rid life of limiting beliefs that have kept them from achieving miracles in all areas of their life by embracing Mindfulness of the Present Moment with a renewed Vision for life. Contact DA Southern for coaching @ firstname.lastname@example.org